Pregnancy Complications

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Ryan2

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So my girlfriend and I plan on getting married and having children. Is it normal to get very fearful of pregnancy complications and fear losing my wife or my child during childbirth. I keep telling myself that it’s all in God’s hands and surely my wife will go to heaven for such a sacrifice but I still get fearful. Thanks.
 
It’s all normal. Trust me. I have been in that boat but I am happily married and have a healthy baby.

Message me if you want to talk more.
I will pray for you.
 
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I would consider going to a hypnobirthing class with your wife. While I didn’t I have any concerns my wife was extremely fearful of the entire process.

The hypnobirthing class teaches that giving birth is a very natural, wonderful process. It helps change how you approach a pregnancy. We learned methods that helped put her mind at ease, while I learned techniques to offer her support.

We had natural home birth with a midwife (it’s very common in the Netherlands) and she had no anesthetics. We credit the class for the experience.
 
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This is just the tip of the iceberg of parental worrying, my friend. My 15 year old on the Autism spectrum is going to get his driver’s permit here in a few weeks (insert long list of prayers). Parenthood is a life of worry.

I said something to my mom the other day about how it must be nice to have all us grown. She said she never stops worrying about us and that children who are adults are almost the worst because she has no control like she did when we were little.

Don’t be afraid however, parenthood is the best thing we’ve ever done. It is worth the worry 🙂
 
It’s normal to be a little worried about things like that. I’m pregnant now, and am a bit nervous- I think more so because I’ve already done this and things didn’t go really smoothly last time.

In the developed world it’s very rare for a woman to die due to pregnancy or childbirth complications, especially if she has good prenatal care. The U.S. isn’t a shining example, according to recent studies, but it is still extremely rare.

Sometimes clinicians create some unnecessary fear- they are generally well meaning, but if you tend to be an anxious person to start, all the attention on finding something wrong gets overwhelming. Try to focus on the facts, and take things one step at a time. You’re not even engaged yet, so focus on that.
 
It’s normal in the sense that it’s very common, just like it’s normal for people to feel anxiety about their loved ones flying, driving in bad weather, falling down the escalator, getting robbed while working the night shift, having surgery, or any situation that has a slight increase of risk above the normal. Unless your fiance has a history of medical issues, this isn’t a rational concern, but it is a normal one. It sounds like you are handling it in the correct way. When the time comes for your wife to be pregnant, you can ask a lot of questions of her doctor and get a lot of your anxieties resolved.
 
As others have said, some worry is natural. Be informed, I always recommend two documenaries to people before they begin having kids:


https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995061/ and it’s sequel http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/the-business-of-being-born/#additional-episodes

This one statement concerns me:
Ryan2 said:
surely my wife will go to heaven for such a sacrifice
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Your wife will go to heaven when she dies if she dies in friendship with God. Aside from those who are martyred for the faith, the circumstances of one’s death does not determine where one spends eternity.

Go into each day spiritually prepared that this may be your last day.
 
It is not normal as nobody thinks that due to pregnancy or childbirth the woman or child is at risk 0f life.Tell frankly what makes you to think so.Why should you feel that God may do something to destroy the life of a pregnant women and the child?Be confident.Think about something else such as how to grow the child in the way Jesus want us to live.Best wishes…
 
After having worked in parent and toddler groups and also listening to women talking during lunch break at several places, there seems to be “a competition among women to triumph one another with the worst pregnancies and deliveries” when they find out that someone is expecting a child. No one is paying any attention that they are doing more harm than good when they start talking about the emergency c-sections etc. All they are doing is terrifying the expectant mother or father (and future mother and fathers listening in the same room) of the pregnancy and delivery.
 
HeDa said:
After having worked in parent and toddler groups and also listening to women talking during lunch break at several places, there seems to be “a competition among women to triumph one another with the worst pregnancies and deliveries” when they find out that someone is expecting a child. No one is paying any attention that they are doing more harm than good when they start talking about the emergency c-sections etc. All they are doing is terrifying the expectant mother or father (and future mother and fathers listening in the same room) of the pregnancy and delivery.
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Sometimes discussing birth trauma with other parents can be very healing. I actually wish I had been more aware of the bad things that could happen, because I’m still recovering four years later. I won’t go into detail here about what happened, but I was shell shocked for a long time after giving birth.

I do agree that mothers need to be mindful of their audience, and don’t need to share such things with other expectant mothers unless they are interested. But complications can arise, and while people don’t have to be needlessly fearful, women should feel free to talk about their experiences and not have to shove them under the rug as if they are shameful.
 
I think labor and birth stories provide a connection with other mothers. We have all been through this amazing and difficult experience and it is normal to use this as a way of connecting with each other. I don’t think I agree that we are always trying to one up each other. I’ve had labor/birth conversations that were and were not this way. My friend with 10 kids said by the last one, she felt no pain and it was over in an hour.
 
It can happen, but it is very rare in areas with the best heathcare.

We have more risk of losing a child through miscarriage than in childbirth.
Losing a woman in a childbirth is even more rare than a child.
What is more real is the short and long term consequences of pregnancy and childbirth on woman’s health.

Pregnancy complications are common, but 90% of pregnacy, on average are considered as low-risk.And even if a complication occurs, there is many ways to manage it.
 
Reading this reminded me of a beautiful and favorite quote
“The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” – G.K Chesterton
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Childbirth is not a guaranteed success, and neither is driving. Life is fraught with danger. I had days where I wanted to wrap my family including my dh in bubble wrap. Instead I took my moms advice and wrapped them up in prayer. She told me that every day she asked God to send his angels to protect us, and so far there have been enough close calls that I am certain they must have.

Enjoy every day with your family and friends. We only have the Precious Present.
 
It is normal to be protective of someone you love. And good too. Imagine how St Joseph looked after Mary and Jesus. You want to be a good father and husband, that’s good.

Just don’t let fears get unrealistic. Most pregnancies are normal and uneventful, not counting the immense joy and excitement, of course! Put the risk in perspective, far more dangerous driving to work every day not trying to scare you 😉
 
I agree that not everyone is trying to “one up”, but just to be part of the discussion. I do see the other side of it though. You never really know the mental state of who you are talking to when you are sharing with coworkers or strangers at a party. Your harrowing tale about your pelvic injury or how your baby was in NICU for three weeks might be a complete nightmare for someone who is already questioning if they can really handle a pregnancy and being a mom. Keeping that in mind, I try to keep to the positive aspects of my birthing stories when in mixed company.
 
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