Pregnancy or not?

[EMAC]

Hi everyone, I’m still very new to this website and I have struggled with whether or not to post this , but there is so much good information on this board I thought I would take my chances on your views. This may be long so please forgive.
My husband and I have been married for 9years in June. We have a beautiful daughter, Olivia , who is now 19mos old. I am a cradle catholic and have come and gone from the Church, but now with my daughter I am making an even stronger effort. Well, we planned our pregnancy and were thrilled when we found out, however there are some serious medical issues that I have been dealing with since 2001. I have ulcerative colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease) and I have been on medication to keep in remission since that time. One of the medications that I was taking when we were trying to conceive was supposed to be potentially harmful to the fetus, but I had to stay on the medication in order to stay in remission because if I went into “a flare” it could be harmful to the fetus so it was really the lesser of two evils I guess you could say. And I did pray about it a lot and felt very positive about conceiving while taking meds. Well, it turns out the medicine could not keep in remission during my pregnancy (some women flare during pregnancy some go into remission-i was one of the unlucky ones). To give some idea of what I went through…starting out I weighed 108lbs ( I have small frame) I got down to 86lbs!!! Couldn’t eat a thing…had two hospital stays and was in the most undescribable pain for an entire two months. Finally, after more medication, I finally went into remission and had beautiful baby girl 7 weeks early but completely healthy. Now finally for the question… There is no way my husband or I could go through that nightmare again. Personally, I don’t think my body could handle it ( had emergency c-section) and I think it could be unfair to put another baby at risk (with the meds). So, I don’t know what to do. I want to follow the churches teachings and be open to life, but how can I when the possibility of going through that torture could happen all over again? Maybe I need to talk to my priest. He is new to are church and doesn’t see to approachable right now ( i probably shouldn’t say that). So, yes we have been sinning by using condoms thus far. NFP is an option, but there is still that small possibility of putting myself in that situation again. I know I can’t describe for you in all the details the extent of the pain and illness but on a scale of 1-10 it was close to a hundred (and no pain meds for a pregnant women). I was out of work for 12 weeks. Could lose my job if it happens again. Well, if anyone has stuck with me this far, I’d be happy to hear from you. And if I left something out and you have questions, please ask away.
THANKS!!!

 

[1ke]

So, yes we have been sinning by using condoms thus far. NFP is an option, but there is still that small possibility of putting myself in that situation again.

Why do you believe a condom does not put you in that same “small possibility” column? Condoms do have a failure rate. And, that failure rate is higher than NFP. To me, your solution of condoms doesn’t even make sense.

Learn NFP. Use conservative rules. You will be fine. The only 100% effective method is complete abstinence. NFP will give you the knowledge you need to confidently select the days on which you can be intimate.

As for UC:
My brother has UC, so I do know what you are talking about. I would recommend you visit the website scdiet.org/ and get the book Breaking the Vicious Cycle by Elaine Gottschall for info and support and possible remission without medication. This literally changed my brother’s life.

 

[rayne89]

The condom failure rate is about 2 per hundred with perfect use. (15 with typical use).

msnbc.msn.com/id/17282285/

In the present study, reported in the journal Human Reproduction, the symptothermal method led to an overall annual unplanned pregnancy rate of approximately 0.6 percent per 100 women, which is on par with the rates typically seen with contraceptive pills.

I have Crohn’s disease so I know of the pain of which you speak, it is undescribable- I lost ten pounds in ten days. I also am in heart failure and I am on heavy duty heart meds. My heart is not strong enough to sustain another pregnacy and a couple of the meds I’m on are dangerous for a developing fetus.

I have used NFP for 10 years. We took a class about a year after we had our daughter -I too returned to the faith after having her. We had priests tell us that condom use was ok but I knew that was not the church teaching. More than anything we needed support as we struggled to embrace NFP and instead their comments were discouraging and frustrated. We searched for a priest that adhered to the teachings of the church completely. It was not easy unfortunately our area is flooded with liberal parishes. I finally found one through through our NFP teacher. It was such a relief. We needed support as we struggled against our contraceptive mentality that we had carried 5 years prior in our marriage especially with the added stress of knowing pregnancy for me was a death sentence. It was such a relief to find such support and we actually changed parishes to this priest’s parish when we did.

Sometimes being Catholic is really hard. But as we embraced the churches teaching and resolved to follow the will of God we were showered with so many blessings and graces. Our marriage which had many struggles in the past (we got married out of highschool as teenagers) was healed and flourished. My husband once an atheist then luke warm Catholic became a devout Catholic. Trusting in God and letting go of trying to control our lives, giving into God’s will instead of our own can be very scary. The first couple years of using NFP were anxious ones. I was never so happy to see my period arrive every month. But as time went on we relaxed and placed our trust in God. (I’m still one of the few women that are happy to see their period .)

A condom is no gaurantee that you will not get pregnant. And in using it you are basically saying well God I trust you in everything except this. In this case I think I am wiser as to what is best for me. Which in silly because we know that can not be true. I know it is not easy, I have been there. And really there is something ugly about making love with your husband with a peice of latex between you -it doesn’t even feel right. If you haven’t already taken a class on NFP take one -don’t just read the book. Get a real teacher to help you. And then follow the the conservative guidelines. The heaviness of guilt you carry will be lifted and God will bless your faithfulness.

If you have any questions feel free to ask or PM me.

God Bless!

 

[angiegirl67]

I agree with the previous poster… Go to your diocese website and look for a person trained in NFP. You can only get pregnant for about 100 hrs a month. All you have to do is abstain during that time. If you want to be extra cautious you can add a few days to the front and the back of those hours.

Remember if a condom breaks during your fertility time you have no protecting. With NFP you abstain during your fertile time.

Good luck and God Bless You,
Angela

 

[Em_in_FL]

I agree with the previous posters… condoms are actually less effective than using NFP conservatively.
Find some good teachers (maybe contact your diocese) and really study hard… once you learn, it’s easy… and VERY effective.

God bless and congrats on your little blessing! Sounds like you’ve been though a lot to bring that little one into this world! Good work!

 

[EMAC]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to my email. I agree/understand everything all of you have said. I will get on the NFP thing very quickly.
Em in FL, thank you so much for recognizing how much I went through bringing Olivia into the world. It was my own personally hell, but I never had doubt that she wouldn’t make it. And God blessed me with a beautiful, intelligent, loving daughter