Pregnant, boyfriend has a family

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My younger sister is 27 years old and we just learned that she is a few weeks pregnant with her boyfriend. We did not meet the guy until about 3 months ago.

Just to give you a little background, my sister is not the kind of person who sleeps around. My mother has been really very protective of her since childhood. She stayed home to take care of all our needs. Our dad worked very hard so we can have some of the comforts in life, and were sent to private colleges. We are not perfect but we are a loving family.

My mother is so hurt, worried and scared. It pains me to see this happen to my family especially that I cannot be there for them because I live in another country. The rest of my family will soon be moving to where live, except her - because of reasons we do not have control of - but we promised her that we will do all we can so she can follow in a few years. I just think she acted on impulse; and probably felt lonely and scared of the thought that we might abandon her.

Now, my parents are pleading to her to not live with the guy because he does not have a job,and has another family. He has been living with another girlfriend for about 13 years and that they have 2 young children, 9 and 7 - which she is aware of. She’s been good in handling her finances until recently that my mom found out that she owes money from friends. We also heard that he is abusive and that his parents (who likes my sister so much) also have gambling problems. The guy I think, is in his late 20s or early 30s. All those maybe hearsay, but the fact remains that he has another family.

We are willing to help her raise her child. My family will go on with the plan to join me soon but my parents will go back to our home country within a month or two to be with her again; my younger brother will stay with me. My parents, and close relatives have already talked to her but she insists that she wants to “try” building a family with her boyfriend.

My mom and sister cries all the time. Mom wants something but sister wants something else. My sister does not even want to pray with my mom anymore.

I have yet to talk to my sister. So, I need your thoughts about what I should tell her. Is it right to advise her not to live with the boyfriend? I just want to help steer her in the right direction. Hopefully, I can give a little bit of enlightenment.

Please include my family in your prayers.

Thanks in advance!
 
I’m sorry for the predicament that your sister and your family are in.

If it is in fact true that your sister’s boyfriend already has another family, then that in and of itself indicates that this man is not a trustworthy or reliable person. Your sister will not be able to rely on him if she moves in with him. She’s in a vulnerable situation, she needs to have the support of people she can trust.

To answer your question, I think it is right and necessary for you to lovingly dissuade your sister from moving in with the man. She ultimately will have to make her own choice but if it were my sister I would say something along the lines of: “Dear Sister, I love you dearly and I want to make sure that you and your baby receive all the genuine support and care that you can get. I don’t feel like your boyfriend is capable of taking care of you and I am concerned that you wont be well taken care of if you move in with him. I respect your right to make your own decision. I just want you to know that I love you and that I am here for you.”

You know your sister best so you might change the wording if you deem it necessary. If she decides to move in with the boyfriend let her know that you’re still there for her. Keep it simple and straightforward. If he is abusive she might be under some manipulation which will make it harder for her to walk away. 😦

I will pray for her, the baby, and everyone involved
 
My mother has been really very protective of her since childhood.
I think this is the whole problem. By the tone of your post, I think that your sister has been so suffocated, she finally exploded and unfortunately she is now pregnant. But then again, children and gifts from God so perhaps it is not that unfortunate.

My advice is to give you sister some breathing room. She is 27 ! By the way you wrote your post, it sounds like she is being treated like a 15 year old.

Of course, I think it is not good for her to move in with this man. However, I also think she is so fed up the more you try to talk her out of it, the more she will run to him. She will leave him a lot faster if she knows her family will not judge her and give her time to come to her own conclusions

Angie
 
Mom wants something but sister wants something else.
Your sister is 27 years old. It’s really not about what your mother wants.

Your sister is making her own choices. They are not all smart choices, but they are hers to make.

Tell her if she wants or needs advice, you are there for her. Otherwise, stay out of it.
 
Are your family Catholic? It is nice that you are helping them move to this country, but always remember that we cannot run others’ lives for them, they must make their own decisions.
 
  1. Sister should not move in with the guy.
  2. Give the baby up for adoption when the time comes.
  3. She should move on.
Obvious to an outsider.
 
Your sister is 27 years old. It’s really not about what your mother wants.

Your sister is making her own choices. They are not all smart choices, but they are hers to make.

Tell her if she wants or needs advice, you are there for her. Otherwise, stay out of it.
👍
 
She is 27 a mature adult. Let her know you do not agree with her decision and the reasons why but she also needs to know that you will be there for her and her child if they need you. He already has a woman and children, she will regret the decision eventually but she needs to come to that realisation and make that decision to detach from him herself.
 
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