Premarital Sex for Married People Only!

[Journeyman]

Odd subject huh?!

I want to try something here. Often, threads regarding sex turn into arguments. Anyone else notice that? I would like to try something a bit different with this thread.

I teach rel ed to middle school and high school students. One of the issues we address is sexuality. There are several reasons that might be given to abstain from sex prior to marriage such as following the commandments, STD’s, etc… One other reason is the REGRET that one may have by engaging in premarital sex with one or more partners and then later marrying another person.

I try to gather the facts for the students. STD rates among the young are alarming. There is plenty of info on that. But the other question, that I have never found in polls or surveys, is whether those engaging in premarital sex regret their actions years later after they get married. All the polls I have read regard teens who have had sex. Even then, 66% of teens, that have had sex, regret their decision to have sex at “too early” an age. But I wonder the “regret rate” for married people that might be 25, 35, 50 etc… years old.

So this is for MARRIED people (married now, or been married), who had sex prior to marriage. These are the questions------

1. Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?
2. Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?
3. If you do regret having premarital sex, why?
4. If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?
5. Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?

Also, please RESPOND TO THIS THREAD ONLY ONCE. I do not want bickering and efforts to change minds etc… Just post your story and if you don’t want to post it here, on the thread, then PM me.

Thanks all.

 

[Mac6yver]

1.) No, neither I nor my spouse regret engaging in sex prior to marriage.

2.) No

3.) No regret

4.) I simply feel that it is not a sin

5.) I am certaqinly not Church going. I am agnostic, but I do not question whether God exist. I believe that God does exist, I simply do not quite know what/who God is.

 

[km112482]

Journeyman:

Odd subject huh?!

I want to try something here. Often, threads regarding sex turn into arguments. Anyone else notice that? I would like to try something a bit different with this thread.

I teach rel ed to middle school and high school students. One of the issues we address is sexuality. There are several reasons that might be given to abstain from sex prior to marriage such as following the commandments, STD’s, etc… One other reason is the REGRET that one may have by engaging in premarital sex with one or more partners and then later marrying another person.

I try to gather the facts for the students. STD rates among the young are alarming. There is plenty of info on that. But the other question, that I have never found in polls or surveys, is whether those engaging in premarital sex regret their actions years later after they get married. All the polls I have read regard teens who have had sex. Even then, 66% of teens, that have had sex, regret their decision to have sex at “too early” an age. But I wonder the “regret rate” for married people that might be 25, 35, 50 etc… years old.

So this is for MARRIED people (married now, or been married), who had sex prior to marriage. These are the questions------

1. Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?
2. Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?
3. If you do regret having premarital sex, why?
4. If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?
5. Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?

Also, please RESPOND TO THIS THREAD ONLY ONCE. I do not want bickering and efforts to change minds etc… Just post your story and if you don’t want to post it here, on the thread, then PM me.

Thanks all.

1. My spouse and I did have sex before marriage. Now as far as regreting having sex with my husband before marriage. I do not like what I did now that I understand how much it hurt our dear Lord, but I don’t regret my daughter.

2.WE have been with other people before we started dating. I do regret it because I now realize how much more special it would have been if we would have just waited.

1. I regret having premarital sex because I think I just did it to feel wanted. I made a lot of mistakes and it took me sometime to even be able to forgive myself or to accept God’s mercy. My husband has never judged me for my past and has always loved me no matter what happened in the past so I am very blessed for that. I just wish that I could get through to all the young people who think that sex is just something pleasurable and that it can be entered into lightly. Some people think that about marriage these days too. I just pray for all those young girls and whoever else thinks it is ok. I know from experience it is only pleasurable for the moment when it is over at least in my experience I still felt empty and lonely. Living in God’s love last a life time. So would you rather defy him to have that one moment of pleasure than live in his kingdom with him forever. That is the way I look at it.
2. I am a catholic. I go to church frequently now, I belong to the charasmatic prayer group in my parish, go to the adoration chapel, and attend weekly masses. I love doing all of it cause it makes me feel closer to our Lord and more at peace with myself. My husband and I are going through the convalidation process at the moment. It gets fustrating at times because we are going through a six month preparation period, but I will just lift all that up to the Lord and hope we can contiue living as brother and sister till our convalidation.

God Bless, Kerri

 

[mommy]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=41452

We discussed this very thing here. This thread is now closed but the poll results should help you.

1. Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?
   We only had sex with each other, but now that I have come to the church, I really wish I had waited.
2. Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage? No
3. If you do regret having premarital sex, why? Yes. Because I don’t think we were old enough to really understand all the implications. AS well we used birth control at the time. It would have been a great gift to give each other at our wedding. We were very lucky that we did end up marrying and being so happy. But it could very well have not turned out that way.
4. If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?
5. Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…? Yes, Catholic. But I wasn’t then.

 

[km112482]

I hope this information helped. If you need to know more of my story I would be glad to explain if it will help you talk to your students about this issue. You can pm me anytime.

God Bless, Kerri

 

[Brad]

1.) No, neither I nor my spouse regret engaging in sex prior to marriage.

2.) No

3.) No regret

4.) I simply feel that it is not a sin

5.) I am certaqinly not Church going. I am agnostic, but I do not question whether God exist. I believe that God does exist, I simply do not quite know what/who God is.

If you do not know what/who God is, how can you make a judgement on what is sin and what is not sin?

 

[Lisa_N]

Journeyman:

1. Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?
2. Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?
3. If you do regret having premarital sex, why?
4. If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?
5. Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?

Also, please RESPOND TO THIS THREAD ONLY ONCE. I do not want bickering and efforts to change minds etc… Just post your story and if you don’t want to post it here, on the thread, then PM me.

Thanks all.

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes—looking back I realize that the person I thought was going to be my one and only was not the man I eventually married. When you start young (teens) you think that you know everything and can make decisions such as who is going to be a life partner. When you grow up you look back at that l7 year old kid and wonder what was she thinking?

How did sex help the relationship at the time and how did it help future relationships? It didn’t. The dating/courtship period is the time you are supposed to get to know someone as a whole person, not as a sex toy. Once the relationship becomes sexual the other compatability factors tend to get a back seat (you know since it’s already in use LOL). I am frankly LUCKY that I married a man who has similar political views, similar morals and outlook on life. It was just dumb luck too because quite honestly we didn’t talk about politics, economics, or attitudes toward societal norms when dating.

I cannot IMAGINE being married to one of my high school boyfriends. He’s a crunchy granola liberal. I would have been divorced had I married him. I just saw him at my high school reunion and thought WOW, dodged that bullet! At the time though I thought he was just an incredible human being. IOW sexually active teens and early twenties people are engaging in behavior that will not help much in their future life together. Sex is such a minor part of a marriage. I am not saying unimportant but I assure you it would be hard to sleep with a man who voted for Kerry IOW there are things that are far more important than sex before and after marriage.

Not to mention I got HPV and cervical cancer from a boyfriend. That wasn’t a great experience.

1. NA
2. I am now a church going person. I was raised an atheist who had no moral reason NOT to have premarital sex. But I was smart enough NOT to ‘sleep around’ as did some of my friends. I just didn’t see the benefit beyond some transitory pleasure.

Lisa N

 

[jlw]

1. Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?

Yes.

1. Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?

Yup. :crying:

1. If you do regret having premarital sex, why?

One, I was an agnostic situational ethic pro-choice kind of guy. Immersed in a mainstreamed collegiate culture, and a life irresposible twentysomethings. My future wife’s paralleled my own, but to a lesser extent. Pro-choice, but still had remnants of a childhood belief in a Christain God. We both regret our choices.

As to our own sexual union prior to our vows before God. We regret that too. It caused problems for us in the first few years of marriage (we see only in hindsight). It was only after we both converted to Christ and His One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church did we discover the lie of sex (and contracepted sex for that matter) outside of the marriage covenant being of no consequence. The meaning of sex is DIRECTLY ties to the meaning of marriage. It cannot be divorced! The BEST sex of our lives, bar none, was after inviting God into the bedroom, rather than baring the doors to Him. (Does that sound a bit too provocative??)

1. If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not? NA
2. Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?

Roman Catholic

I have to say, that the subject of sex and the Church’s teachings were the last and greatest hurdle for me before conversion to the Catholic Church.

I was once blind, and now I see.

 

[Journeyman]

Brad and all,

Please refrain from asking others questions or trying to prove a point that undoubtedly the other person will reject. I understand that you or others might want to enter into a dialogue with those that have other opinions, and that is commendable. However, for the sake of this important question, please refrain from such posts. I just want others to post about their own feelings and experiences. Thank you.

(Just trying to avoid a Jerry Springer type of atmosphere, which too often happens on certain topics )

 

[Mac6yver]

Brad:

If you do not know what/who God is, how can you make a judgement on what is sin and what is not sin?

I thought this was not a debate thread…? If you wish to discuss this either PM me or create a new thread.

 

[clskier]

1. Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?

I now regret that I had sinned, but no, I do not regret the act (see 4)

1. Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?

No. Only my spouse, but it was before I was sure that she was “the one”

1. If you do regret having premarital sex, why?

Only for hurting our Lord.

1. If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?

This is fairly personal. I screwed myself up in my head. Because I did wait so long (in my 30’s) to meet the right person and engage in sex, I did other things to releave myself. The more I sinned in solitude, the more sex felt dirty, secret, and embarresing. When my wife to be and I eventually did start to get intimate, well, umhhh, things didn’t work. It was only by her love and understanding that we did work through my problem, and eventually released me from my own feelings of guilt. I know that we could have worked through this all after the wedding, but I think I would have been under way more stress wondering if I could ever be intimate with my wife. After we became engaged, we vowed chastity to one another, and waited 13 months to the wedding. Our wedding night felt so natural because we already knew each others bodies, and the anticipation with the magic of the sacrement all made for an incredible experience.

1. Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?

We are both religious church going people. At the time we were intimate before our engagement, she was much more religious than I. We have since grown in our spirituallity together, and keep growing every day.

 

[I_Need_Grace]

1. No, I did not have sex before marriage.
2. Yes I am a Catholic who attends weekly Mass.

I have a thread going about mismatched sexual drives. It has become a real cross to bear in my marriage to my husband. While I am happy that I never hurt our Lord that way, by having pre-marital sex, I am somewhat disappointed that I did not “know” our differing sexual and physical needs prior to marriage. It’s not that I wish I had sinned mortally…it’s just that I wish the sexual relationship between my husband and I was different. Had we had sex before marriage it might have given me some clues.

 

[fix]

Journeyman,

I reject your entire premise. You are teaching religion and you want to use these “poll” results for your students??

Is not the truth enough? Whether anyone regets such things is not relevant. What does matter is the truth. These students should be well grounded in the truth and logic, not influenced by polls or other relativistic notions.

 

[felra]

Journeyman,

I reject your entire premise. You are teaching religion and you want to use these “poll” results for your students??

Is not the truth enough? Whether anyone regets such things is not relevant. What does matter is the truth. These students should be well grounded in the truth and logic, not influenced by polls or other relativistic notions.

I totally concur. What possible good can be obtained from presenting another’s subjective experience when it is simply just that–>subjective. What matters only is one’s arrival at and acceptance of the truth, and firm resolve to live the truth but by the grace of God. How can such a response as cited below possibly affirm and encourage the impressionable to live out their sexuality in wholesomeness and integrity?

1.) No, neither I nor my spouse regret engaging in sex prior to marriage. ( Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?)

2.) No ( Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?)

3.) No regret (If you do regret having premarital sex, why?)

4.) I simply feel that it is not a sin ( If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?)

5.) I am certaqinly not Church going. I am agnostic, but I do not question whether God exist. I believe that God does exist, I simply do not quite know what/who God is. (Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?)

Our duty as parents and educators is to present and train in the ways of truth and virtue. Even in a public school setting this can be done by using catch words and concepts, but especially in Catholic setting, why present a polling of subjective experience of regret/lack thereof as a case/sway for moral uprightness? Additionally, why exclude responses of those from your polling who but by the grace of God did it His way–to me, this would be a more positive and affirming way to encourage the not yet married to seek purity.

 

[fix]

felra:

I totally concur. What possible good can be obtained from presenting another’s subjective experience when it is simply just that–>subjective. What matters only is one’s arrival at and acceptance of the truth, and firm resolve to live the truth but by the grace of God. How can such a response as cited below possibly affirm and encourage the impressionable to live out their sexuality in wholesomeness and integrity?

1.) No, neither I nor my spouse regret engaging in sex prior to marriage. ( Do you regret, at all, that you had sex or that your spouse had sex prior to marriage?)

2.) No ( Did you have sex with someone other than your spouse prior to marriage?)

3.) No regret (If you do regret having premarital sex, why?)

4.) I simply feel that it is not a sin ( If you do not regret having premarital sex, why not?)

5.) I am certaqinly not Church going. I am agnostic, but I do not question whether God exist. I believe that God does exist, I simply do not quite know what/who God is. (Are you a religious, church going person or agnostic or atheist, etc…?)

Our duty as parents and educators is to present and train in the ways of truth and virtue. Even in a public school setting this can be done by using catch words and concepts, but especially in Catholic setting, why present a polling of subjective experience of regret/lack thereof as a case/sway for moral uprightness? Additionally, why exclude responses of those from your polling who but by the grace of God did it His way–to me, this would be a more positive and affirming way to encourage the not yet married to seek purity.

Yes, I just can’t comprehend the mindset.

 

[Island_Oak]

Felra-

Thought the response you quoted was your own–imagine the fun I was hoping to have with you before I realized the error…

As for the poll, I will break with tradition and agree with my good friends, fix & felra, in noting that poll results have little bearing on the relevant role of ethical truth and morality in regard to pre-marital sexual experimentation. Regardless of the results–your time and the education of your students might be furthered more by a study or moral codes and the reasoning that underlie them than the anecdotal recountings from a bunch of bumbling sinners.

 

[Journeyman]

Journeyman,

I reject your entire premise. You are teaching religion and you want to use these “poll” results for your students??

Is not the truth enough? Whether anyone regets such things is not relevant. What does matter is the truth. These students should be well grounded in the truth and logic, not influenced by polls or other relativistic notions.

fix and felra—
Thanks for your concern. I am not planning on using “poll results”. I think it is important for teens to understand that going against God’s Law has consequences. When I was a kid, we were never told that. We were told that sex was for married people and married people only. If we dared to ask why, we were told it was God’s Law and not much else. I agree, that should be enough, but for millions of teens, that was not enough. In fact, for the majority of teens in the recent decades, that was not enough as they have engaged in premarital sex, some of them with many different partners.

With all that “free sex” over the last few decades, STD’s have spread like wildfire. That is a consequence of going against God’s Law. Some of these STD’s are not curable. Some of these STD’s cause sterility, mostly in women. HIV can kill. HPV can kill. Those are all facts, and facts that show the danger of going against God’s will.

The “emotional” part of sex outside the context of marriage has, allegedly, had a devastating impact on marriage. But stats are not easily available. I wanted to hear some comments from people on this forum about how premarital sex might have impacted their lives. Why? So that I could use comments, in general, to show teens as to why premarital sex impacts people five years, ten years and years later in their relationships with God and spouses.

Teens tend to think that if they avoid pregnancy and STD’s even though they have premarital sex, then life is great. But some people have had emotional scars from premarital sex. Just another reason to not go against God’s law. That’s all. Just trying to fill in the gaps as to why premarital sex is against God’s Law. Teens need to understand that God’s Law is for our protection. Just saying “Don’t do that” is not good enough for the majority of teens.

 

[fix]

Journeyman:

fix and felra—
Thanks for your concern. I am not planning on using “poll results”. I think it is important for teens to understand that going against God’s Law has consequences. When I was a kid, we were never told that. We were told that sex was for married people and married people only. If we dared to ask why, we were told it was God’s Law and not much else. I agree, that should be enough, but for millions of teens, that was not enough. In fact, for the majority of teens in the recent decades, that was not enough as they have engaged in premarital sex, some of them with many different partners.

With all that “free sex” over the last few decades, STD’s have spread like wildfire. That is a consequence of going against God’s Law. Some of these STD’s are not curable. Some of these STD’s cause sterility, mostly in women. HIV can kill. HPV can kill. Those are all facts, and facts that show the danger of going against God’s will.

The “emotional” part of sex outside the context of marriage has, allegedly, had a devastating impact on marriage. But stats are not easily available. I wanted to hear some comments from people on this forum about how premarital sex might have impacted their lives. Why? So that I could use comments, in general, to show teens as to why premarital sex impacts people five years, ten years and years later in their relationships with God and spouses.

Teens tend to think that if they avoid pregnancy and STD’s even though they have premarital sex, then life is great. But some people have had emotional scars from premarital sex. Just another reason to not go against God’s law. That’s all. Just trying to fill in the gaps as to why premarital sex is against God’s Law. Teens need to understand that God’s Law is for our protection. Just saying “Don’t do that” is not good enough for the majority of teens.

OK, I accept your premise, but I can’t see how offering all these emotional appeals will really help form a sound conscience. I do not want to underestimate young minds. Like all of us, they are attracted to truth.

STDs, sterility and all that, in my view, should just be little more than a footnote. The reasons for sex and marriage should be pointed out. There are many good authors today who expound on Church teaching. Even beyond that it seems to me that explaining why we accept the Church’s authority in all issues of faith and morals would paint a much clearer picture than all the other stuff. Just my opnion.

 

[felra]

Journeyman:

fix and felra—
Thanks for your concern. I am not planning on using “poll results”. I think it is important for teens to understand that going against God’s Law has consequences. When I was a kid, we were never told that. We were told that sex was for married people and married people only. If we dared to ask why, we were told it was God’s Law and not much else. I agree, that should be enough, but for millions of teens, that was not enough. In fact, for the majority of teens in the recent decades, that was not enough as they have engaged in premarital sex, some of them with many different partners.

With all that “free sex” over the last few decades, STD’s have spread like wildfire. That is a consequence of going against God’s Law. Some of these STD’s are not curable. Some of these STD’s cause sterility, mostly in women. HIV can kill. HPV can kill. Those are all facts, and facts that show the danger of going against God’s will.

The “emotional” part of sex outside the context of marriage has, allegedly, had a devastating impact on marriage. But stats are not easily available. I wanted to hear some comments from people on this forum about how premarital sex might have impacted their lives. Why? So that I could use comments, in general, to show teens as to why premarital sex impacts people five years, ten years and years later in their relationships with God and spouses.

Teens tend to think that if they avoid pregnancy and STD’s even though they have premarital sex, then life is great. But some people have had emotional scars from premarital sex. Just another reason to not go against God’s law. That’s all. Just trying to fill in the gaps as to why premarital sex is against God’s Law. Teens need to understand that God’s Law is for our protection. Just saying “Don’t do that” is not good enough for the majority of teens.

Click on this: , for many relevent articles from an orthodox Catholic view regarding reasons (moral and otherwise) for teens to stay pure before marriage.