Priest not giving me a chance to confess?

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We recently received two new priests in our parish. The first seems very sweet, quiet and gentle. The second. . . he’s tough to figure out; I’ll call him Fr. Tom.

So I was ascending the steps of church with twosweetgirls in tow for Saturday Mass, and there was Fr. Tom at the top of the steps, saying hello to parishioners. I saw him and thought, “super, I can have a quick confession and get rid of (X)”. I noticed that his clerical collar was undone and hanging loose around his neck, and he was wearing a baseball hat. I thought that maybe he was “off-duty” and therefore would have time to hear my confession.

I got nothing except being put off. I asked Fr. Tom if there were confessions, and he said he didn’t think so since the other priests were preparing for Mass. I said, “well, what time are they, then?” and he said that if no one shows up after 15 minutes, then they leave. "You can check to see if the lights are on, but. . . " and he just stood there. Disappointed, I walked into church. And here’s something else: I took Communion. 😦 I’m wondering if I should have; in the pew I poured my heart to Jesus, asking Him to say the word and I’d be healed, so I went and received Eucharist. I’m guessing I did so in an unworthy manner, because I don’t have a peace and the dreams I had last night were from the pit of hell. 😦

So I think there are a few questions here: was Fr. Tom wrong in not offering to hear my confession? And did I just heap sacrilege on my head for receiving Eucharist without confessing, even though I didn’t have a chance to do so?

I’m very confused.
 
twosweetgirls said:
We recently received two new priests in our parish. The first seems very sweet, quiet and gentle. The second. . . he’s tough to figure out; I’ll call him Fr. Tom.

So I was ascending the steps of church with twosweetgirls in tow for Saturday Mass, and there was Fr. Tom at the top of the steps, saying hello to parishioners. I saw him and thought, “super, I can have a quick confession and get rid of (X)”. I noticed that his clerical collar was undone and hanging loose around his neck, and he was wearing a baseball hat. I thought that maybe he was “off-duty” and therefore would have time to hear my confession.

I got nothing except being put off. I asked Fr. Tom if there were confessions, and he said he didn’t think so since the other priests were preparing for Mass. I said, “well, what time are they, then?” and he said that if no one shows up after 15 minutes, then they leave. "You can check to see if the lights are on, but. . . " and he just stood there. Disappointed, I walked into church. And here’s something else: I took Communion. 😦 I’m wondering if I should have; in the pew I poured my heart to Jesus, asking Him to say the word and I’d be healed, so I went and received Eucharist. I’m guessing I did so in an unworthy manner, because I don’t have a peace and the dreams I had last night were from the pit of hell. 😦

So I think there are a few questions here: was Fr. Tom wrong in not offering to hear my confession? And did I just heap sacrilege on my head for receiving Eucharist without confessing, even though I didn’t have a chance to do so?

I’m very confused.
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Receiving the blessed sacrament without confessing mortal sin is sacrilege, remember only venial sins are forgiven in the mass. Did you directly ask Fr Tom for confession, if not he might not have understood your hints.
 
twosweetgirls said:
So I think there are a few questions here: was Fr. Tom wrong in not offering to hear my confession? And did I just heap sacrilege on my head for receiving Eucharist without confessing, even though I didn’t have a chance to do so?
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I don’t think priests OFFER to hear a confession as much as make themselves available when you ASK. Did you actually ask him to hear your confession?

I can just hear the conversation in my mind: “Hi Mary, how are you doing? Want to go to confession this evening?” And Mary is highly insulted!

I realize you were hinting around, but if you want to go you should ask directly.

If you have an unconfessed mortal sin on your soul you shouldn’t receive communion. Skip communion at this Mass, go to confession, and then receive communion after that.

On the other hand, if what you wanted to confess was a venial sin – which seems most likely – then you can receive communion.
 
I was told in RCIA that a priest is required to hear Confession if someone asks.

A few times (usually after a road trip when we arrive home late), I have actually approached the priest before Mass and asked directly, “Father, will you please hear my Confession?”

Every time, Father has said, “Yes,” and taken me to a private place. The Confession is short but the absolution is still very sweet.

I’m guessing that your priest probably misunderstood your intention.
 
That makes sense–no, I didn’t ask directly, perhaps because this priest seemed difficult to “figure out” and therefore I felt “intimidated”. So yes, next time I’ll just ask straight out, whether it’s with this priest or another.

Which brings me to another question: is sacrilege–unworthily receiving Eucharist–forgivable? I’ll leave it up to the priest to determine my sins’ venial- or mortal-ness, but can absolution be given for sacrilege like this?

I’m such a miserable wretch I amaze myself sometimes. 😦
 
twosweetgirls said:
Which brings me to another question: is sacrilege–unworthily receiving Eucharist–forgivable? I’ll leave it up to the priest to determine my sins’ venial- or mortal-ness, but can absolution be given for sacrilege like this?

I’m such a miserable wretch I amaze myself sometimes. 😦
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Of course it can be forgiven - just confess it in confession.
 
twosweetgirls said:
That makes sense–no, I didn’t ask directly, perhaps because this priest seemed difficult to “figure out” and therefore I felt “intimidated”. So yes, next time I’ll just ask straight out, whether it’s with this priest or another.

Which brings me to another question: is sacrilege–unworthily receiving Eucharist–forgivable? I’ll leave it up to the priest to determine my sins’ venial- or mortal-ness, but can absolution be given for sacrilege like this?

I’m such a miserable wretch I amaze myself sometimes. 😦
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It sure can be forgiven. I must applaud you for your openness here in discussing this.
 
Might I also suggest that you make an appointment rather than springing it on a priest on the steps of the Church before Saturday Mass? It’s possible that, while Father looked like he had nothing else to do, he may not have had the time to immediately hear a Confession.😉
 
I agree with all the advice by other posters above.

It is not appropriate for a priest to ask “Do you want to make a confession?” even with your hint.

Also, often times, if we have a question to ask, we cannot just stop him in the hall way and ask. We ought to make an appointment if the answer is not a simple yes or no. Once I said to a priest, “Father, I have a question need your help.” He said “make an appointment with the secretary.” I learned we have to respect their time. They are very busy and like to do things in an organized way. Even if they have a short break, we cannot just barge in. We cannot take for granted for their services.
 
It’s always safe to abide by the posted times for Confession. That should always be your first option. It sounds to me like you weren’t sure when they were.

It has been my experience that if you ask for it, priests will drop almost everything to hear your confession. I have two “tales of confession” to share.

Last October, my sister got married at the church we grew up in. The priest has been pastor there for over 30 years. I got up early the day of the wedding, and went in to do some last minute practicing (I was the organist). When I was done, I saw Father in the Sacristy. I went back and said, “Father, there is a matter that we need to attend to.” He looked at me and said, “Last minute question about the ceremony?” “Nope. Confession.” Father smiled and said, “Good for you. Come back to my office.” We went back and took care of business.

Last Lent, my church offered several extra times for Confession during the evening the two weeks before Holy Week. I was unable to make it to any of them, nor could I get in on Saturday for the regular time. I called Father during afternoon Parent/Teacher conferences about coming in after conferences (there was an evening service that I would miss due to conferences). He told me that he would hold a priest to hear my confession or he would do it himself. Half-an-hour before conferences were due to end, Father appeared at conferences to talk to me. He quietly came to my table and told me that the service was over, and to just come to the rectory when I was finished. I was also directed to take my time… if there was a parent who came in right at the end, I was not to rush them so I could get in for Confession. I arrived at the rectory almost half-an-hour after conferences ended, there was a visiting priest waiting for me.

The phrase, “Father, I need a priest to hear my Confession,” should almost always cause a priest to drop everything and take care of you.
 
twosweetgirls said:
We recently received two new priests in our parish. The first seems very sweet, quiet and gentle. The second. . . he’s tough to figure out; I’ll call him Fr. Tom.

So I was ascending the steps of church with twosweetgirls in tow for Saturday Mass, and there was Fr. Tom at the top of the steps, saying hello to parishioners. I saw him and thought, “super, I can have a quick confession and get rid of (X)”. I noticed that his clerical collar was undone and hanging loose around his neck, and he was wearing a baseball hat. I thought that maybe he was “off-duty” and therefore would have time to hear my confession.

I got nothing except being put off. I asked Fr. Tom if there were confessions, and he said he didn’t think so since the other priests were preparing for Mass. I said, “well, what time are they, then?” and he said that if no one shows up after 15 minutes, then they leave. "You can check to see if the lights are on, but. . . " and he just stood there. Disappointed, I walked into church. And here’s something else: I took Communion. 😦 I’m wondering if I should have; in the pew I poured my heart to Jesus, asking Him to say the word and I’d be healed, so I went and received Eucharist. I’m guessing I did so in an unworthy manner, because I don’t have a peace and the dreams I had last night were from the pit of hell. 😦

So I think there are a few questions here: was Fr. Tom wrong in not offering to hear my confession? And did I just heap sacrilege on my head for receiving Eucharist without confessing, even though I didn’t have a chance to do so?

I’m very confused.
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are you a baptized catholic who has received first communion and confession yet? if not then you can’t receive communion or go to confession. or, if your baptized elsewhere, has your baptism been done properly? have you gone through rcia?
 
twosweetgirls said:
We recently received two new priests in our parish. The first seems very sweet, quiet and gentle. The second. . . he’s tough to figure out; I’ll call him Fr. Tom.

So I was ascending the steps of church with twosweetgirls in tow for Saturday Mass, and there was Fr. Tom at the top of the steps, saying hello to parishioners. I saw him and thought, “super, I can have a quick confession and get rid of (X)”. I noticed that his clerical collar was undone and hanging loose around his neck, and he was wearing a baseball hat. I thought that maybe he was “off-duty” and therefore would have time to hear my confession.

I got nothing except being put off. I asked Fr. Tom if there were confessions, and he said he didn’t think so since the other priests were preparing for Mass. I said, “well, what time are they, then?” and he said that if no one shows up after 15 minutes, then they leave. "You can check to see if the lights are on, but. . . " and he just stood there. Disappointed, I walked into church. And here’s something else: I took Communion. 😦 I’m wondering if I should have; in the pew I poured my heart to Jesus, asking Him to say the word and I’d be healed, so I went and received Eucharist. I’m guessing I did so in an unworthy manner, because I don’t have a peace and the dreams I had last night were from the pit of hell. 😦

So I think there are a few questions here: was Fr. Tom wrong in not offering to hear my confession? And did I just heap sacrilege on my head for receiving Eucharist without confessing, even though I didn’t have a chance to do so?

I’m very confused.
Click to expand...
If it was a mortal sin then it was sacrelige - if not though then the sin is forgiven. Next time you go to confession ask the priest to examine your sins (although you should be able to figure out what is mortal and what isn’t).

Catholig
 
You do not have to go to confesion every time before you receive the Eucharist, only if you have comitted a mortal sin. Venial sins- receiving the Eucharist with a sincere heart kills those.

You had the girls in tow. You hinted. You didn’t come out and say what was on your mind. Priests are not mind readers.
 
TraditionalCatholic, yes, I myself am Catholic–was received during Easter Vigil last year, and I am HOME. ❤️ I just have some confusion of mortal vs. venial sin; blame my 30-plus years as a protestant, I suppose. 😉

And ChicagoBurbs, yes, I’m aware that my priest isn’t a mind-reader. :rolleyes: Next time, like I stated above, I’ll come out directly and ask for a confession. The poster upthread put it in a wonderful, tactful way–about a priest coming out and saying “hey there, Jo, how’s it going? You need a confession?” That made total, perfect sense. 🙂
 
twosweetgirls said:
That makes sense–no, I didn’t ask directly, perhaps because this priest seemed difficult to “figure out” and therefore I felt “intimidated”. So yes, next time I’ll just ask straight out, whether it’s with this priest or another.

Which brings me to another question: is sacrilege–unworthily receiving Eucharist–forgivable? I’ll leave it up to the priest to determine my sins’ venial- or mortal-ness, but can absolution be given for sacrilege like this?

I’m such a miserable wretch I amaze myself sometimes. 😦
Click to expand...
If you yourself cannot figure out if your sin is mortal or venial, it is not a mortal sin for you – yet.

One of the requirements of a mortal sin is that you must Know it is a mortal sin, a grave sin. If you don’t know, or haven’t been taught correctly. It is not a mortal sin. However, it is encumbant upon you to find out IF it is indeed a mortal sin, and avoid it completely.

Don’t beat yourself up, but go to regular confession at the next nearest opportunity and explain everything to the priest.

In the future, IF you think the sin may be grave, but you are not sure – don’t go to Holy Communion. Wait for confession. It shows respect for Christ and His sacrifice, I believe.

Also, one more thing.

Maybe you could do a better job of finding out when regular Confession times are and make a great effort to be on time.

Do not be 15 minutes late, 😉

Peace!
 
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