Priest response to spousal infidelity in marriage

[Rau]

No…I think if you’ve had an affair you can’t expect to go back to normal marital life suddenly, with no conditions. I actually think it’s perfectly reasonable for the innocent spouse to be suspicious for a while after.

Of course suspicions will remain. The question is about the right to insist on “controls” that would not have been reasonable prior to the offense. And what if those controls are later rejected by the offender, though he maintains fidelity. This cannot be grounds to separate, otherwise the offended party has reserved their right, not given it up.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Of course suspicions will remain. The question is about the right to insist on “controls” that would not have been reasonable prior to the offense. And what if those controls are later rejected by the offender, though he maintains fidelity. This cannot be grounds to separate, otherwise the offended party has reserved their right, not given it up.

This doesn’t even seem practical. Must the decision be made on the spot when the wronged spouse finds out?

It seems reasonable to me to try to work it out, but if you see overtime that your spouse has no interest in trying to rebuild trust or be transparent, you walk away. If effort is a one-way street, the marriage can’t be saved.

 

[AdamP88]

Of course suspicions will remain. The question is about the right to insist on “controls” that would not have been reasonable prior to the offense. And what if those controls are later rejected by the offender, though he maintains fidelity. This cannot be grounds to separate, otherwise the offended party has reserved their right, not given it up.

The controls are only unreasonable prior to marriage because the trust in intact. I would say that after a time the innocent spouse would have to trust the other spouse again. But if the cheater doesn’t accept some reasonable transparency then they clearly aren’t serious about the marriage.

It’s all very well to say you wouldn’t marry someone who felt the need to snoop on your electronic communications… But if you give them a good reason to be suspicious then I don’t see the problem with that. As I said, if the cheater is contrite and wants to make it work they should be open to some conditions.

To be honest, I don’t see how it could work any other way:
I’m sorry I cheated darling but I want you to forgive me immediately, accept me back into the marital bed, and I don’t want to see you accessing my phone or email or telling me to not be so cosy with women at the office.

That doesn’t sound very sorrowful. Yet that’s essentially what you’re saying.

 

[joshvanrad]

The simplest way to find the answer to a complicated question should be this:

What will bring each of them closer to God?

If a man commits a sin, repents for that sin, but then demolishes his household… what good has he done? He’s caused unnecessary harm to a person he loves twice now. The wife will not be at peace with this information. Why put her through the stress?

Like it’s been said, there are far too many variables to say there is one solution for every scenario in which there is infidelity.

-Joshua