Priesthood vocation, Sex urge, and suffering

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wonderland22

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Hello, I’m 18years old young adult man here

First of all, I go to monastery then stay there 2-3days every month because of my priesthood vocation.
I decided this last year, that going into monastery instead of university(though i sent applications).

I know that priesthood vocation is God’s calling, it has to be done through my whole life, More than decades.

But here’s a big problem, I love sexual things so much. Like since I was 13years old I’ve never skipped masturbating literally more than a week.It’s a big problem for me right now.
I think about sex everyday. I love women so much. Though I’m not obsessed with these stuffs as Before. When I see pretty girls on street then I just stare them for a bit though i try not to, I can’t help it. Then I regret later.

I’ve never had a girlfriend through my whole life(I’m much introvert). Maybe the lonliness is why I’m into these things so much…Though I know that lonliness is also God’s blessing: praising God, having chance to become closer with him.

After doing such stuffs, it’s really emotionally painful because of regrets.

I can judt give up everything, but what I realised few days ago from myself was I do sincerely enjoy going monastery. It makes me so much truly happy! I feel like it’s my home. After returning from it I just want to go there again, then wait a month more with excitement. I really do have a feeling that he wants me to be there. I also have lots of supports from people around me…thus I think even having chance of considering of being priest later is a Blessing of God.

But the thing I’ve said above bothers me so much, it’s painful. I just feel like I’m a sexist who doesn’t deserve sich blessings.

Any tips?😔

:cry:
 
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I suggest studying the subject of CUSTODY OF THE EYES. Now is the time to subject your thoughts to obediance to Christ, priesthood calling or not.
Peace and blessings
 
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I talk with him everytime I go there, but I’ve never discussed about this subject. Maybe I should
 
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Speak with your spiritual director or the vocations director at the monastery.
 
This isn’t really appropriate advice on several levels. You don’t know the OP well enough to say what his vocation is.
 
My answer is going to be what is called Dutch Uncle; it is going to be blunt and may appear hurtful. I don’t mean to hurt, but rather help.

For starters, you need to learn how to apply a filter to what you say. Nobody here needs to know that you are constantly masturbating. That needs to be a matter between you and your confessor.

Joining a monastery is not going to help you with your sin. It just flat isn’t, no way, no how.

You need to be consulting with your monastery vocations director, and you need to be honest with him, more than just that you have felt you have a vocation from a young age. You need to include your problems with masturbation, as well as your conflicted matters about dating.

You also need to understand that there is a very great likelihood that a vocations director, or whomever is responsible for vocations at the monastery is going to decide that you are not ready yet to start that direction. Most 18 year old’s are still in the process of maturing, and you clearly are. That is not a put down; it is just reality.

Whether or not you have a vocation, that whole matter is clouded up by your own description of your problems, which include a degree of immaturity. That may sound harsh, but being a monk means giving up a great deal of other options. It can be a wonderful and blessed life. However, it requires a maturity you, by your own comments indicate you do not have. Living in community requires a great deal of discipline; you can’t just get up and walk off if you and another monk are not getting along. In that, it is a bit like marriage, as if you get into constant friction with your spouse, you can’t just get up and walk off.

Failure to put your issues with self control on the table with the vocations director is a short route to failure. You have 5 years by your own admission that you have masturbated at least once a week - leaving the assumption you may have had weeks of multiple times. Your level of self control is seriously at question, and monasteries do not provide a solution to that.

Note: nothing I am saying has to do with whether or not you have a vocation; you may well have one to the monastic life. But failure to put all the cards on the table leaves a high risk that you do not have the maturity to deal with the strains and demands of monastic life and run the risk of “getting in under the radar” and having that blow up, with either you leaving or being asked to leave as not ready.
 
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The OP requested advice from strangers on an Internet forum. I stated my opinion and advice. He should really be taking his questions to his spiritual director or superior of the monastery but he chose to do it this way. I stand by my opinion. The poster below you (otjm) echoes what I feel - the OP is young and immature and isn’t ready for this choice.
 
I don’t disagree, and I think otjm is spot on in what he says. The latter half of your post is great. My point was that there’s a bit of a gap between “you’re not mature enough to make this choice right now” and “this isn’t your vocation.” Perhaps I should’ve said so at greater length. My apologies.
 
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Once again, this is my opinion based entirely on what was posted here. Perhaps what I should have said is that IMO I don’t believe the OP has a vocation to the priesthood at this point in time. Even St Augustine might have appeared in a similar light at one point in his life, but we all know how that turned out with years of reflection and study and a conversion of heart (and continuous prayers from his mother, St Monica). I am from an older generation so I do find it strange that young people feel so comfortable asking for such personal advice from strangers online when it seems so obvious (to me) that he should be consulting with his SD and the monastery superior about this matter of vital concern. The last thing the Church needs is more priests who cause scandal because of sexually related incidents, which could happen if he doesn’t address this issue BEFORE he becomes a priest. Better never to become a priest than to become one that can’t control his passions.

But because of his youth, I shouldn’t have been so unequivocal about his vocation (or lack of one), I stand corrected.
 
I totally agree about the comfort with which people open up online. I think matters of conscience shouldn’t be broadcasted on the internet at all. No one forms his conscience by committee on an internet forum.
 
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