Priest's View: 'What I Wish Couples Knew When They Request a Catholic Wedding'

[OddBird]

couples planning for what happens when expected conception doesn’t occur

Thank you, Tis. This was the case for us, and I really wish someone would have prompted us to talk about what would happen if we couldn’t conceive.

My refusal to undergo medical procedures I didn’t consider moral was a huge strain in our early marriage, as well as his refusal to adopt.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

I notice no one seems to be bringing up the question about couples planning for when one of them becomes ill and is unable to have sex for a protracted time, or couples planning for what happens when expected conception doesn’t occur. These are by no means uncommon situations. But no, the assumption is that everybody just carries on like bunnies and if a kid somehow doesn’t appear then something bad must be going on.

All of that must be someone else’s assumption, because it’s certainly not mine. I do make the assumption that, generally speaking, newlywed couples have relations, and they have them often. That’s just what most people do. There are exceptions. I never said there weren’t. But I certainly don’t assume that when children don’t come, something sinister is going on. I think something like 10 percent of all couples are naturally infertile. And people absolutely do need to consider how they will react, how they will handle it, if they get married and cannot have relations for an extended period of time. People moan and groan about the periodic abstinence required by NFP, but there are far worse things that can happen in couples’ married lives.

As far as the whole contraception/Humanae vitae thing goes, basically what we get from the pastoral side of the Church is… crickets. Somebody has to speak up and call bullfeathers on the silence. I’ve been “speaking up” for over 40 years, and I will only stop when the mortician glues my fingers together and puts that little plastic doohickey in my mouth to close it once and for all.

The most recent study I read, said that 92 percent of American Catholics don’t agree with Humanae vitae. That’s 92 percent too many. Contraception, in the objective order, is mortally sinful. Paul VI wouldn’t have urged couples who fail to implement the Church’s teaching, to avail themselves of the Sacrament of Penance, if it weren’t. Venial sins can be forgiven without sacramental absolution.

As I always tell my son, when I reiterate Church teaching on faith, morality, or piety to him, fifty trillion years from now, you’ll thank me for telling you all this. He doesn’t have many other people in his life who will.

 

[AlbMagno]

HomeschoolDad, I noticed in your first post that you didn’t discuss with the polish priest about his view on NFP, yet you come here and always argue against societal evils. Do you really have the intention of speaking out your ramblings?

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad, I noticed in your first post that you didn’t discuss with the polish priest about his view on NFP, yet you come here and always argue against societal evils. Do you really have the intention of speaking out your ramblings?

Not clear where you’re going with this, and not clear why you’re questioning my intentions. I’m also not clear on which priest you’re referring to.

The priest who interviewed us was in Poland. Acceptance of the Church’s teaching was just a “given”, and no discussion was necessary. He may have asked us about birth control, and he may not have. I honestly don’t remember. I do remember that he asked us if we were having sex before marriage (we weren’t). This was on the official diocesan interview form, so it wasn’t just some priest being nosy. They asked questions about everything under the sun. It was actually pretty invasive. I was mildly (but only mildly) rankled by it all. Many Americans would have been appalled. It’s just the way they did things over there. I didn’t get the impression that the priest was the least bit worried about “scaring us off” — if we had been, that would have been on us, not on him.

My confessor was not in Poland. Upthread, I noted that he was in Washington, DC at the National Shrine. There was no need to ask him his view on NFP — that wasn’t at issue. I didn’t tell him that we were going to be using ABC, I told him we were going to be using NFP. He was pretty hard-nosed. I would be very surprised to think he would condone ABC. Again, as I noted upthread, Catholic life in the DC area (enough so in the AD of Washington, but even moreso across the river in Arlington) is pretty conservative. Washington is not as liberal a town as everyone thinks it is, in fact, aside from the gay culture (which is huge there), people are pretty moralistic.