Priests who don't call themselves Father when meeting you outside of the Mass

[namax91]

Has anyone else ever met a priest who introduces himself as his first name, without the title Father? For example, a priest named Fr. John says to you, “Hi, I’m John!” I was thinking maybe it’s like wearing a collar, and they are only required to call themselves Father when performing priestly duties. This would make sense with one of the times this happened to me, when the priest was giving a talk (Although he was wearing a collar). The other time this happened, I was in Canada and before the Mass we introduced ourselves to the priest because I knew who he was. He was in his vestments and everything but kind of standing in the back a few minutes before Mass started. (Perhaps I wouldn’t normally talk to him before Mass starts, but more importantly than meeting a priest I highly respect, I had to ask where I should sit, since I’m in a wheelchair. He didn’t seem shocked or anything that we talked to him. ) This time he introduced himself as Mike (That’s not really his name, but it shows that he didn’t use the title Father, plus he did use the informal version of his first name.) Any ideas?

 

[AnnArbor]

It’s really up to the priest. Per etiquette rules, one does not assign a title to oneself in an introduction. For example, “Hello, I am Ann Arbor” not “Hello, I am Ms. Arbor.” Depending on the formality of the relationship, the respondent says, “Hello, Ms. Arbor, how lovely to meet you; I am Jim Smith.” And I respond, “I am delighted to meet you, Mr. Smith.”

 

[JimG]

When my brother was ordained, I continued to call him by his first name, as I always had, but my mother, after his ordination, always, even in informal conversation referred to him as, e.g., “Father Joe.”

 

[BartholomewB]

Has anyone else ever met a priest who introduces himself as his first name, without the title Father? For example, a priest named Fr. John says to you, “Hi, I’m John!” I was thinking maybe it’s like wearing a collar, and they are only required to call themselves Father when performing priestly duties. This would make sense with one of the times this happened to me, when the priest was giving a talk (Although he was wearing a collar). The other time this happened, I was in Canada and before the Mass we introduced ourselves to the priest because I knew who he was. He was in his vestments and everything but kind of standing in the back a few minutes before Mass started. (Perhaps I wouldn’t normally talk to him before Mass starts, but more importantly than meeting a priest I highly respect, I had to ask where I should sit, since I’m in a wheelchair. He didn’t seem shocked or anything that we talked to him. ) This time he introduced himself as Mike (That’s not really his name, but it shows that he didn’t use the title Father, plus he did use the informal version of his first name.) Any ideas?

I agree with Ann Arbor (post #2). I see nothing wrong or unusual with the priest introducing himself by his given name only. But this leads into what I see as the important question, which is this: Does he expect you to address him as plain “Mike” or as “Father Mike”? I would imagine that he expects you to call him Father, doesn’t he?

 

[Rosebud77]

The Friars and priests do this here in Ireland and the Friars only wear their habits for mass and confession. I never saw religious life as having on and off duty and always address a priest as Father and a Sister as Sister out of respect for the reality of their calling.

 

[Brendan_64]

It’s when you get a priest who actively doesn’t want to be called “Father” even when carrying out his priestly functions that bothers me. And then when other parishioners talk to you about the priest and referring to him only by his Christian name, I find that very uncomfortable.

Whether a priest wants to or not, any priest will be called “Father” by me regardless of how well I know him or whether or not he wants to be called “Father”.

 

[Murmurs]

It seems perhaps to depend on context. Certainly where he’s acting in some way in an ‘official’ capacity, I would refer to any priest as ‘Father’, even one whom I consider to be a very good friend. Were I just meeting that friend for coffee, I would probably just use his first name as that’s what he prefers. In referring to him, eg if I called the house switchboard, I’d always ask for Fr Richard. I agree that priests (or others in religious life) don’t have a real off-duty time like most people do, but I don’t think it’s disrespectful to call a person by the name which they prefer, at least when addressing them at the most “off-duty” moments they might have…

What I mean to say is that I’d always address any priest in any situation as ‘Father’ unless I already knew them very well and knew they preferred just their own name. No one is going to be the slightest bit put out if you show that respect, even if they are happy for people to drop the title.