Privacy?

[CopticChristian]

I am 32 my wife is 28… she asks me constantly about these things. She asks me because she cares, regardless how I take it. She is a grown adult who I love. Sometimes it is pretty annoying but I engage with her always and answer her questions.

Why do I say this?

1. You could be learning valuable things that will help you when you are communicating with your future spouse, or boss.
2. It is good to stay mindful of others and how our lives affect them. They only ask because they care.

Son,

Bingo…you confirm that adults communicate without reservation…

 

[CopticChristian]

Thanks for all the responses.

Yes, they support me, but do they really need to know where I am and who’s house I’m at?

Is it a sin/mortal sin to not tell them?

MyP,

If they ask, they need to know. If you have nothing to hide then what is the problem? Suppose you don’t tell them and your father has a heart attack, they need you to drive home quickly and they have no idea how far from home you are…I am sure that there are many scenarios that are possible…

 

[Joy2day]

Hi, - I found this article re. teens and privacy. What you are questioning is fairly normal. I guess you would need to provide more details in your post to determine whether their questioning is too much or whether it is just about basic stuff. Sometimes kids clam up about even giving basic information when they are being constantly asked about every little thing; and that can even tempt them to lie about their activities, because they feel they have no privacy. You are 19, so nearly NOT a teenager anymore, so some of the stuff in the article is probably directed at people younger than you. It is a good read and good to think about. I don’t think parents stop caring the day you move out of their house. I guess if there is excessive questioning, it would be because trust was not there, which is a shame. Basically I think that if you tell someone you trust them and know they will behave well, they are more likely to do so, than if you act as though any minute you expect to catch them out. It is not about rights.

Hope it is helpful.

raisingchildren.net.au/articles/privacy_teenagers.html

 

[kkollwitz]

After I moved out of my parents’ house I lived with housemates for about 5 years. We always let each other know when we went out where we would be and for how long- and these people weren’t even related to me. It’s just appropriate.

 

[PatriceA]

After I moved out of my parents’ house I lived with housemates for about 5 years. We always let each other know when we went out where we would be and for how long- and these people weren’t even related to me. It’s just appropriate.

Just not appropriate, but in this day and age it can be a matter of safety as well.

 

[Joy2day]

Okay - so I also have this article I found describing a very similar dilemma - maybe one that will occur in the next few years for the OP.

match.com.au/magazine/article/4175/How-To-Date-When-Youve-Moved-In-With-Your-Parents/

The article describes just one type of issue that can occur when adults are living with their parents. Conflicts in worldviews, morals, what is acceptable, who is acceptable, etc, are inevitable, as people grow to become free-thinking adults. It is natural that young adults will experiment - and in such a situation - do parents really need to know everything? is it going to make things better or worse? because there will inevitably be conflicts. What happens, dear parents, when you get an honest answer you don’t like the sound of? what do you do then, with your adult children? Are you seriously going to kick them out? or refuse to let them out?

the article is good and describes common problems - I am not advocating a type of lifestyle at all, but it is just one example of issues that can occur, unless the child is a clone.

 

[underacloud]

One day you may look back and realise that your parents are not being nosy or intrusive, but are merely concerned about your welfare. It is love. As a young adult you want to explore your independence and this is understandable. But your parents are adjusting to this new phase of their lives too. They are transitioning from caring and providing for you, and being completely responsible for your safety, to gradually letting you go and relinquishing that responsibility that they have carried for so long. Try to understand that for all your life it was their responsibility to know exactly where you were, what you were doing, and that you were safe. That they still want to do this is a sign of love.

If you are so concerned about your privacy, move out. Until then, accept that this is just a natural part of sharing a house with anyone, and in particular that your parents care about you.

 

[lotus1922]

Am I allowed to have privacy?

I’m technically an adult (19 years old) and my parents are always asking where I’m going, what I’m doing, etc. and sometimes I don’t want to tell them.

Do I have to tell them?

As long as you’re not doing anything wrong or to be ashamed of, why would you not want to tell them what you’re doing?

I mean, there is a difference between a parent’s simple or polite curiosity to want to know what’s going on in their kids’ lives out of care and concern for them---- and being prying, demanding a detail-by-detail account of every second of your life. You don’t specify which kind of asking is going on, and I would say that the latter kind would be inappropriate for parents to expect of their adult and reasonably-responsible children.

I’m one of those adults still living at home in my mid-twenties; they pay the bills, i pay my own basic expenses (food, gas and car costs, pet care, etc) and clean up after myself, etc around the house. Since my mother and I share the car that’s technically mine, it’s important for us to have at least some general idea of who needs to be where and when, for scheduling purposes. If I have many errands to run I usually don’t specify each and every stop I’m making, but I would never just take off without telling her that I’m leaving (she’d worry about me). And it goes the other way as well.

So, I don’t know what the situation at your place is like, but maybe they are just being typical concerned parents who want to still be a part of your life even though you’re an adult now— which is wonderful. Think about it from their perspective: it must be hard for them to see you all grown up after having been “their baby” for so long . Surely it’s not that big a burden for you to keep them in the loop of your activities in return for everything they’ve done for you and for continuing to live under their roof.

If they’re being truly intrusive, however, then you should try discussing it with them in a mature, non-confrontational way explaining that you appreciate their concern, but it makes you uncomfortable now that you are an adult that they still treat you like a child. If they know you to be trustworthy they’ll understand and respect your needs, as you should in turn respect their natural parental interest in you.

On the other hand if you are not being responsible, then no, you shouldn’t expect them to support you in whatever way without knowing what you’re doing with your life.