Private prayer vs. face-to-face evangelization

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SteveGC

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OK. Here’s a situation for anyone wishing to add 2 cents:

I am a recent Catholic convert, fairly well-educated in the faith. My brother is a non-denom “feel-good” cafeteria Christian. Many of you know the type. I used to be one of those too. He’s still very stuck in the secular world, yet believes in Christ.

Anyway, here’s my dilemma. I love my brother dearly. I want him to share in the treasures and graces that only Mother Church can provide. Moreso, I want him to have the best opportunity he can have (as I now have) to be with God forever, in eternity. For him (or any of us) to have that opportunity, he must 1) be baptized, 2) have faith and obedience to Christ, and 3) die in a state of grace. Define #3 as you wish, but I will, for simplicity, define it as ‘not having unrepented mortal sin on your soul’. We’re all called to more than that in our lives, of course. We are all called to be saints, but to be practical in this example of my brother, suffice it to say he must not have unrepented mortal sin. He was properly baptized as an infant. Of course, his BEST opportunity is to do this as a Catholic convert. I truly believe that.

Ok, so. If I long for this, I obviously should devote prayer to it. Not a problem - I can do that, and have started doing that. I am developing a habit of the Holy Rosary, of chaplets and novenas, Eucharistic adoration, etc. I want to spend time doing these things for many virtuous reasons - first and foremost for my personal relationship with Christ. But a strong intention is also for my brother’s conversion.

Now, I truly believe God does answer prayers, in His time. The answer may not be the answer you were looking for. May not even be in your lifetime. The main focus is to be devoted to a life of prayer, and trust in God. I get that, and love that. But if you were in my shoes, and some of you reading this certainly may be, would you also feel compelled to do something about your loved one’s relationship with God in a more proactive way? Not that prayer isn’t proactive, but I mean something more face-to-face with the one for whom you are praying.

My brother is one of those types who’s reluctant to engage in much spiritual discussion, especially if it even remotely or gently critiques his own belief system. So, public evangelization with him will certainly be a daunting task. My question isn’t so much “should I?” but rather “how urgently should I?” How urgently would you evangelize a loved one (or ANYone) who you knew could be gone tomorrow? If that happened, I don’t feel confident he would be united with God. I don’t know the nature of his soul, of course. Only God does. I understand the element of God’s Divine Mercy and that no one knows how God works in anyone’s life to bring them ultimately to Himself. And I know the principles of the Church’s teaching on “invincible ignorance” (which I would say my brother has). But invincibly ignorant or not, doesn’t one have to be truly repentant of mortal sin? We as Catholics would call this perfect contrition, outside of the Sacrament of Reconcilliation. If he did not have perfect contrition for past (or present or future) mortal sins, which I would wager he doesn’t, beyond the great mercy of God, he would need to be Catholic, and participate in confession. Am I off-base with that?

In short (sorry for the lengthy post), what would you do? What resources have you read/heard that might help me?

Thanks to everyone!

In Christ,
SteveGC
 
Just a follow-up. In refreshing my understanding of Church teaching on mortal sin, I found this useful Q&A article:

*Q: Can a person with a mortal sin on his soul die and still go to heaven?

A: No. “To die in mortal sin without repenting and accepting God’s merciful love means remaining separated from him forever by our own free choice” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1033).

But it is important to understand what mortal sin comprises and the ways it can be forgiven. For a sin to be mortal three conditions must be met: (1) The sin must have grave matter, (2) one must have adequate knowledge, and (3) one must commit it with deliberate consent (CCC 1857–1859). If even one of these conditions is not met then the sin is not mortal but venial.

There are two kinds of sorrow for sin: contrition and attrition, which are also called perfect and imperfect contrition, respectively. Perfect contrition is sorrow for sins based on charity or supernatural love of God. Imperfect contrition is sorrow for sin based on anything else, such as being scared of going to hell. (We recognize both kinds in the act of contrition after confession: “I detest all my sins because I fear the loss of heaven and the pains of hell [imperfect contrition] but most of all because they offend thee, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love [perfect contrition].”

Both kinds of contrition, which are not mutually exclusive, assume the resolve to sin no more. Even with this resolve it is possible—aye, likely—to commit the same sin in the future; the point is, at that moment in time we make a firm resolution to turn away from mortal sin.

Under normal circumstances, for a mortal sin to be forgiven it must be confessed in the sacrament of penance. But what happens if confession to God through a priest is impossible—if, for instance, one is in danger of dying? Provided a person in such a situation has perfect contrition for his mortal sin, resolves not to sin again, and resolves to receive sacramental confession as soon as possible, his mortal sin is forgiven.

A big warning: Imperfect contrition will not absolve a sinner outside the sacrament of confession.*

In terms of my situation, perhaps I am grossly underestimating the ability of my brother to avoid mortal sin in his life. Namely because of the 2nd clause of mortal sin: adequate knowledge

However, the last ‘warning’ given in the answer gives me concern: *A big warning: Imperfect contrition will not absolve a sinner outside the sacrament of confession *

And so, perhaps my brother is not as prone to mortal sin as I thought. But if he is, even if he repents, is it repentance for the love of God, or the fear of hell? The latter is a problem. Keeping in mind my brother is NOT Catholic, and cannot partake of Confession, I wonder how the answer above would be written in his situation…

Please feel free to comment…

In Christ,
SteveGC
 
In this circumstance, this is what I would do (and have done).

Continue to pray, and continue to live as an example of what you believe. As St. Francis said “Go out and evanglise, if necessary us words.”

Your brother will take notice of how you live, even if he doesn’t show it. In fact, you can almost guarantee that he is watching how you live. I know as a convert, my friends and family have done so.

When the time is right, God will create an opportunity to evangelise. It may be a question he asks; it may be a situation where it is necessary for you to intervene. Either way, if you are praying for him, God will be working in his heart, and strengthening you as well. When this opportunity presents itself (and trust me, you will know when it does), don’t back down. Don’t be overzealous, just state the truth.

If you try and force evangelisation on people it never works. They have to be in a position where they are ready to listen.
 
Ditto on the way you live. Dont drag him to church just say things like I will be at mass until 11am but can meet you for lunch after that, and eventually you may want to ask him casually & gently if he wants to come with you, and dont be openly upset when he says no. Ive asked lapsed Catholic family members to go to church with me, when Im visiting, and it takes time but eventually they came with me, and now are even going on their own 😃 Of course God does the work Im just there to prod them along, and be the best example I can be.
 
Those are great suggestions.

One obstacle currently in my way is that we live 1000 miles apart. I rarely get to see him. Most of our relationship is over the phone. Perhaps if this is that important to me, I should start considering being more available to him, start building our relationship more.

One avenue of spiritual contact I do have with him is a forum of 5 men (myself, my brother, father, and 2 other gentlemen) who used to convene routinely via email to discuss matters of Christian faith through daily devotions (using Oswald Chambers book). Anyway, we’ve fallen away from doing this, and since the last time we did, I have become a much more devout Catholic (I converted only a year ago). Problem is that my father is quite anti-Catholic, and there is only one other Catholic in the group, and he keeps the specifics of his faith practices to himself, meaning, he’s not confident in defending his faith. So, anything with Catholic overtones in the group seems to be somewhat unwelcome. I’d love to pick this activity back up with them, and perhaps continue to reach out to my brother in that way - even if I have to moderate how much ‘catholicity’ I inject into the discussions.

Any thoughts on that, with regard to my OP?

Thanks again for the replies. Very helpful.

-SteveGC
 
If face-to-face evangelization would work - great. Chances are you will simply push your brother further away. You need to understand exactly what your goal and motivation is. This is where prayer is important.

Pray for the right words and the right time to approach your brother. Remember always, “Evangelize always but only occasionally with words.” (paraphased I realize)

Also, in humility, recognize that God has a plan for your brother. You may not be the reason your brother discovers the wonders of the Church. Your prayers, love and support for your brother will do much to open his heart to the words that someone else may say.
 
Thank you, KR

You’re right. It may not be me who will ultimately show him. Prayer must be first - and perhaps the ONLY thing.

Thanks again
 
And lots and lots of love.
If you are brothers, you have issues. You and your brother will become closer. Becoming closer to Christ will draw you closer to your brother.

Be patient.
 
SteveGC said:
Ok, so. If I long for this, I obviously should devote prayer to it. Not a problem - I can do that, and have started doing that. I am developing a habit of the Holy Rosary, of chaplets and novenas, Eucharistic adoration, etc. I want to spend time doing these things for many virtuous reasons - first and foremost for my personal relationship with Christ. But a strong intention is also for my brother’s conversion.
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Have you found the prayer for the conversion of sinners? I like to pray it after Mass ends.

***O God, our refuge and our strength, look down in mercy on Thy people who cry to Thee, and by the intercession of the glorious and immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God, of St. Joseph her Spouse, of Thy blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, and of all the saints, in mercy and goodness hear our prayers for the conversion of sinners, and for the liberty and exultation of our holy Mother the Church. Through the same Christ our Lord.

Amen.***
 
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