Problems coping with family & illness

[gradstud35]

Does anyone out there have problems with their grown siblings? My sister and I got into a huge fight the other day. The problem is, her actions and words are so hurtful, I just don’t think that I love her anymore. Can your love for a sibling die? She’s been treating me worse than a dog forever and I’ve always overlooked it in my heart because I believe in forgiveness. I’ve never brought up how much she has hurt me. But she always insists on starting fights and letting me know exactly how she feels. I’ve been sick with some illness for a while and have received no support from her. Then the other night while fighting she sits there and tells me how sick she is of my medical condition. It’s as if she only wants me to be her sister if I’m there as her doormat. Then she says the rest of the family feels this way, too. I feel so betrayed. I just want to leave and never see my family again.

 

[mariam1976]

i have a brother that way who made me feel so bad as i was going through my trauma… he said that was the time to tell me all my faults and everything that was wrong with me…

after a while i realised that he was hampering my healing and not trying to be supportive at all due to all the issues that he himself had…

i just decided to draw the boundary and made it known to him that i would not be available to talk unless i wanted to… he didnt get the message for a while but now he has… i talk to him only when i have to though i will always be there for him when he wants… i have forgiven him for what he did to me during that time… but i have decided that i will not allow him to do it to me again… never again…

you have to do the same thing too… boundaries are very important… if she is not there for you in your time of need, she should not expect to be there when you do get well… i remember all my friends who stood by me when i was down and under and make sure that they are very aware of the fact of how much i appreciate their love and support…

again, do not take her word for what the rest of the family feels about your condition… they have a mouth and they can communicate to you if they feel the same… if they have not done that by now, she might just be trying to alienate you from them so that you are completely alone and can be abused more…

i hope you get out of this situation by the grace of God. Remember, Jesus asks us to forgive, but He would never want us to place ourselves in a situation to be hurt again and again…

love…

 

[jules11]

How terribly betrayed you must feel. If your sister thinks you are a burden because you are ill then that is HER problem and not yours. Like Mariam said, do not take her word for it that your other family members feel this way, it seems like she just wants to use that as amunition, and will use anything against you.
Can you ask your other family members if this is how they feel? I know that I would like to know the truth. She does not sound like a very nice person, I would definately distance myself from her. When you are not well, it’s the last thing you need, but sometimes God gives us these crosses and they can seem overwhelming, but it’s so we learn to rely on Him and not human help. If your family has let you down, just remember, that God never will.
God bless. I will pray for you.

 

[LSK]

I have a chronic illness and I know what a drag it can be on the people around me. I also know that there is no reason to invite abuse into my life, but when it does happen I really try to unite the pain and betrayal I feel with that suffered by Our Lord. Father Vincent helped me with that - he took our parish through a meditation on the Passion of Christ during Lent that allowed us to see how our every day stuff of pain and hurt is so similar to different stages of the Passion. I encouraged him to write that stuff down because it was a powerful sermon for us to hear.

Honey, I am so sorry this happened to you. Remember, however, that unless you actually HEAR these words from other members of the family you cannot be angry at them for saying them. Your sister sounds very sad, very fearful, very angry and very alone. Forgive her. You must or you will rot from the inside out.

Miriam made some really good points when she spoke about setting up boundaries with abusive people. It is possible to love without letting yourselve be an emotional punching bag. It takes practice, but it is possible.

hang in there, my sister in Christ!

 

[crohnie4life]

hi gradstud, I can truly relate to what you are going through.I have a sister that has done the same thing to me over the years. She use to get mad when my mom was w/me alot because I was so ill & hospitalized at times. I was called the “drug addict” b/c of the meds I was on for my IBD, was told that I was faking it or using my illness to draw attention to myself, & she use to rub it in that she can do more things because she was healthy & I wasn’t. It went on even after college but I just ignored it & continued on with my job & volunteer work.

I thought things would finally get better with her after I got married, but she continued w/vicious lies about things I supposably said or did.I was always the bad guy & had to beg for forgiveness. Even my parents started believing her claims which caused alot of anguish for me emotionally & physically.

It finally got to a point where I had to put a stop to it because my Crohns was out of remission & even my husband, MD, and friends, told me I needed to take care of myself & get away from all that verbal/mental/emotional abuse. Yes, it hurt to not have contact for a while, but I needed time to heal spiritually, physically, and mentally.

When I had my stroke 2 yrs. ago, it was a wakeup call for my family. They finally realized that I almost died & they should have treated me better. My husband stood up for me & stressed to them per the doctors, any additional turmoil could cause serious set backs and even another stroke. They are civil to me now but I know it will take some time to rebuild the trust that was lost.

Don’t let your sister bring you down. It’s not your fault that you’re sick (I truly believed it when I was younger but not now), you are doing everything you can to get well, and if your sister can’t understand or support you,then set boundaries to stay away from her for whatever length of time so you can heal.

Keep the faith and know that you will be in my prayers.

 

[1ke]

You know what? Life is too short for cr*p like this.

You cannot choose your relatives. You can choose your interaction with them. You are not obligated to continue to endure abuse from them.

If this person was not related to you, you would not hesitate to tell them to take a hike. I don’t know why so many people allow others to act heinously towards them just because they are family.

Tell your sib to hit the road.