Procrastination, sexual sins

[Jon190]

I am an eighteen-year-old British person who is currently preparing for his A-Level exams, and has a conditional offer from Oxford University to study Philosophy and Theology.

I struggle with the sins of procrastination, lust and masturbation. I am now procrastinating less than before, as you would hope, since my exams are ever-closer and I’ve finally decided to accept the offer from Oxford (I was considering accepting Durham instead). However, regarding masturbation, though I give in to temptation less frequently than I used to, it’s still not great. A large part of me is enticed by and just wants the pleasure, and is frustrated when I don’t give in to the temptation.

It’s connected to the procrastination problem, since my lustful thoughts are more likely to ferment if I’m idle, and the thoughts themselves make it harder to concentrate on study. I’m also terrible at making sure I go to bed on time, and generally don’t have much self-discipline. The trouble with the procrastination is it’s now just so natural to me, and once I’ve started reading/surfing the net/whatever, I can go on for hours.

I also sometimes wonder whether I’m sorry for my sexual sins mainly simply because they’re wrong or mainly through fear of hell. Even just starting this thread was something I had to persuade myself to do.

Either way, I tend to do good things (including prayer/reading the Bible, which I usually do two or three times a day) and avoid bad things mainly out of duty or to salve my conscience, and salving my conscience often feels like an annoying necessity. It seems somewhat as if I alternate between unscrupulosity and overscrupulosity. I don’t know.

I’ve been doing CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) sessions with a therapist regarding procrastination and indecision (I haven’t told him about the sexual sins, because he isn’t a Christian). The conclusions of our discussions make sense in my mind, and I at least intellectually understand the problem and why the solution is necessary, but it doesn’t translate into action. He says the hindrance is anxiety. I think that’s true, but some of it is a simple lack of self-discipline.

I’d appreciate any prayers and advice.

 

[Augustine]

Congratulations on the offer!

As you are well aware, lust is a powerful temptation. I wish there were a pill to contain its attraction, but I’m afraid that, since it’s so connected to the human person, it’s more complex than that.

I’d suggest you to study St. John Paul II’s masterpiece, the Theology of the Body. Though a huge work, there are a lot of brief, yet deep, studies around the net (hint: try going for this the next time temptation to lurk in sulfurous areas of the net hits you).

It’s a great thing that you sought help to deal with these other issues which make it harder for you to resist lustful temptation. This is already a healing step in itself. I understand your hesitation to broach habitual masturbation to your counselor, but perhaps you might try it. A recent trend among counselors is to regard an issue only what the patient regards so. Of course this betrays the objective fact of psychological issues, but it might also mean that, instead of denying flat out that masturbation is an issue, he might actually try to help you.

If this is not an option or his reaction disagrees with the Faith, then you might consider checking this program out: reclaimsexualhealth.com. My diocese introduced this program to our priests and many of the faithful have reported improvements towards chastity through it.

Finally, be assured of my prayers.

Christus resurrexit!

 

[GratefulLeper]

Hello, my friend,

I certainly applaud you for wanting to get help in this matter. Be not afraid! Many of the great saints struggled with lust, masturbation, and even scrupulosity. St. Frances de Sales being one of them.

You are right in that procrastination certainly can lead to those anxiety provoking thoughts that trigger the temptation to masturbation. Masturbation is of course a relief, albeit a false one. “Come to me all you who labor and are burdened.” Jesus did say that, but does not the temptation to masturbate say that also? Jesus’ message truly gave life. The temptings to lust only give us pleasure for minutes, at most.

The answer to your problem (the same problem for millions of men and women) cannot be solved in one post. Rather it can take many years if not a lifetime of complete surrender to God. The best defense, in the case of lust, is a good offense. Rather than wait for those temptations to arise, be on the offense. Pray actively for your purity. Cut off the sin as best as you can (do not look at pornography, do not look at any lustful images).

I hope this helps. Please remember, although the temptations to give in to lust can be quite strong, NOTHING is stronger than the force of Jesus resurrected. He is truly the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and if you ask Him for the grace to overcome this problem, He will help you, and He will lead you to all the ways to overcome. Granted, it will take a lot of strength and carrying your cross, but you have to take Jesus at His word.

I’ll certainly pray for you, my friend.