Progress and Sorrow

[catholicray]

I was recently married in the Catholic Church. It was such a happy moment in my life. Not only was I able to marry a woman whom I adore dearly, but I was able to be reconciled to the Church. Both of these facts bring me so much joy.

Something new has occurred with me since I was married. My conscious has become much more louder when it calls me out on moments of lust in my heart and mind. It’s hard to share this coherently so please be patient with me. Physically I’ve made so much progress in this area but it’s so hard to change the heart and mind.

It seems like this battle has become more central for me and it’s really emotional. I have a real sorrow for allowing my heart and mind to be corrupted this way. I guess I have just become more aware of it. It’s kind of a roller coaster of sorrow, passion, and desire. I am also somewhat disabled in my mind and focus is really a struggle for me. I would pray more often but I struggle to concentrate.

I wanted to share one more thing. My eyes and my passion betrays me. Physically I would never make the choice to commit adultery. Mentally I do all the time. I have friends who are woman and they are beautiful in their own right. I find myself imagining a passionate kiss or something like that. I do fight it and I am ashamed to think thoughts like that because I really care about my wife and I am strongly opposed to cheating and lying. I think the root of some of this is probably lying. Sometimes I share these struggles and truths with my wife and sometimes I am too ashamed to. I really have come a long way but I need to go much further. I guess I know at least one thing I need to do and I will.

I just wanted to share where I am. I think it’s important to me to share my failure with others. I am sorry I didn’t share much about my progress in my Christianity but I have made progress. Please pray for my family and I. It’s so important to me. I’ll be chatting with my wife and our Priest soon.

 

[nightshade]

You should look into getting a book called “My Daily Bread” to help you with this struggle. It is difficult to not do these things especially in our hyper sexual culture. Keep in mind that knowing that it’s wrong and fighting the struggle to overcome this counts for much more than you would think.

As someone who suffers from OCD, especially obsessive and intrusive thoughts, I have found that treating my thoughts like passing clouds really goes a long way. If you find yourself thinking this stuff on autopilot it may be obsessive in nature. If that’s the case it’s best to not engage obsessive thoughts. Do not judge them as positive or negative, but as clouds passing through your mind. Let them just drift right on by without dwelling about their shapes.

My Daily Bread

My Daily Bread is a series of short, daily reflections on the spiritual life. Written with loving care by Father Anthony Paone, this devotional will strengthen 43164

www.catholiccompany.com

 

[catholicray]

Update:

I’ve been honest with my wife about what I have been going through. She was supportive. A lot of the burden has been removed. I’m still going to seek the counseling of our Priest but sharing my failure with my wife helped in a big way.

@nightshade thank you for the insight and I’ll check into the resource.

Thank you CA community to any one of you who prayed for me.