Proper dorm behavior

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Elizastaci

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Okay, I am all settled in at college now, and loving it more than I ever thought possible. It’s amazing and so much fun! I have great classes, a Catholic roommate who already is one of my closest friends, and wonderful floormates. I’m meeting so many amazing people!

I am on an all-girl floor- the only all-girl floor, actually, in the residence halls, but gentlemen are allowed up here. In fact, many girls have them as overnight guests, even. But even the ones just up here visiting my friends and I are here quite late sometimes, and often people come in to say hello after I’ve just gotten out of the shower, and am in my pajamas and wet hair. I feel somewhat odd about young men I’ve never met seeing me when I’m about to go to bed. Am I right in feeling awkward here, or am I being too old-fashioned? I’d really like to know the standard for modesty in such close quarters.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
 
You are on target, not over reacting. Privacy and modesty are important. Do not compromise. You and your roommate need to establish rules and stick to them regarding your private space and who many enter & when.
 
Given that your dorm has established, thus recognized the preference of some for, a single-sex floor, are there not limits on the hours in which males are permitted on the floor? If so–privately enlist the help of your RA to post, announce and/or enforce the rules.

You are not out of line in your preference…but like any of a number of issues…this is a matter of courtesy and respecting other people’s boundaries…which sometimes takes some time to develop in the college dorm setting.
 
Exactly. If it’s an all female floor and the girls on that floor know it then there should be certain times of DAY that guys are allowed on that floor. Definitely not at night. It’s ONE floor. I’m sure the RA can help to enforce that.

That said, I don’t think there’s something morally wrong with a guy seeing a girl in her pajamas. Unless you’re sleeping in skimpy lingerie or something. Usually I would think most people are in tshirts and pj pants or something. But if it’s an all girl floor they shouldn’t be up there at “bedtime” anyway. Just get someone to enforce it, quietly, and you should be all set.
 
Just one point, not all single sex dorms (or dorm floors) have a rule about overnight guests of the opposite sex.
 
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1ke:
You are on target, not over reacting. Privacy and modesty are important. Do not compromise. You and your roommate need to establish rules and stick to them regarding your private space and who many enter & when.
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I agree. Unfortunately sometimes you have to put up with alot while living in a dorm situation. Try not to overreact. Settle on ground rules, stick to them and know that you will have to tolerate alot while living in a dorm. Hopefully your roomate will stick to the rules, and respect your privacy. Even at my catholic college on my all girl floor at the all girl wing of a dorm, we had girls who ran around in their underwear giving massages to each other in the hall. I assume this was for the other girl’s boyfriends to see as they traveled the halls. This same group of girls (about 4-5 of them) would stay out partying all night then wake up everyone when they came home at 4 or 5 am, even during finals week! They each had to change room mates so they coudl be with eachother because they were all difficult to live with, very messy, very loud, and one of my friends started out with one of that group for a roommate. She woke up one night with the whole bunk bed shaking and sex noises, and peered down to see her roommate with her boyfriend “going at it” on the bottom bunk. It was very late at night, 3am I think. She had been wearing earplugs for weeks but that was too loud even for earplugs. The solution was for her to move across the hall and switch room mates. I was the SGA rep for our floor, needless to say everyone butted heads with these party girls, and I was expected to help settle conflicts. It was not fun, but looking back now I wish I had not taken is so seriously. They had no respect for anyone else on the floor. The rest of the girls on the floor (probably 30 or so) were very respectful and kind to each other, and I had some really good faithful Catholic friends on my floor.

My advice is to get some earplugs, set some reasonable ground rules and make sure you are spending time outside your dorm, so that you get a break from it. Also, make sure your jammies are very modest, pajama pants with a tee shirt and flip flops. Lots of people will see your jammies, especially if you have a community shower or restroom (which I did) I know it is uncomfortable, but at a co-ed college, lots of people will see you in your jammies! You can avoid it as much as possible and keep it to a minimum, but you can’t avoid it completely, bou should be able to have privacy in your own room
 
Thanks for all the advice!

I totally agree that people seeing me in my jammies is inevitable, as this happens every day- and it doesn’t bother me so much, now I think about it.

Generally I sleep in PJ pants- really cute ones, with monkeys on them!- and a T-shirt. So is this in keeping with modesty and so forth, when we’re hanging in each other’s rooms late at night? I just wanted to make sure.
 
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Elizastaci:
Thanks for all the advice!

I totally agree that people seeing me in my jammies is inevitable, as this happens every day- and it doesn’t bother me so much, now I think about it.

Generally I sleep in PJ pants- really cute ones, with monkeys on them!- and a T-shirt. So is this in keeping with modesty and so forth, when we’re hanging in each other’s rooms late at night? I just wanted to make sure.
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I think it is modest. Maybe invest in a comfy terry robe as well, if the t-shirt doesn’t seem to be enough when out and about in other rooms.
 
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1ke:
I think it is modest. Maybe invest in a comfy terry robe as well, if the t-shirt doesn’t seem to be enough when out and about in other rooms.
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Another option is to wear a sweat shirt over the t-shirt. That’s what I did. It’s not feasible in early September, but once it gets colder, it preserves modesty and warmth.

Good luck with your college experience!
 
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Elizastaci:
Okay, I am all settled in at college now, and loving it more than I ever thought possible. It’s amazing and so much fun! I have great classes, a Catholic roommate who already is one of my closest friends, and wonderful floormates. I’m meeting so many amazing people!

I am on an all-girl floor- the only all-girl floor, actually, in the residence halls, but gentlemen are allowed up here. In fact, many girls have them as overnight guests, even. But even the ones just up here visiting my friends and I are here quite late sometimes, and often people come in to say hello after I’ve just gotten out of the shower, and am in my pajamas and wet hair. I feel somewhat odd about young men I’ve never met seeing me when I’m about to go to bed. Am I right in feeling awkward here, or am I being too old-fashioned? I’d really like to know the standard for modesty in such close quarters.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
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go to your RA and residence hall council and protest, you requested an all-girl floor and are entitled to it. demand the rules be changed to make it really all-girl all the time, or the rules enforced if they are being broken. You have a right to an all-girl all-the-time floor if that is what you were promised at registration.
 
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Elizastaci:
Generally I sleep in PJ pants- really cute ones, with monkeys on them!- and a T-shirt. So is this in keeping with modesty and so forth, when we’re hanging in each other’s rooms late at night? I just wanted to make sure.
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As long as the shirt or pants aren’t so flimsy you can see through them (or shorts to where when lounging around you can see up them) and you have a bra (traditional or sports or something) on under the shirt, or as Grace and Glory and 1ke suggested something heavier over the shirt.

Jammies were a staple clothing option at my college. As many people did it, I wouldn’t suggest wearing them to class. The teachers and other students talked about those people a lot. (I know you didn’t say you were doing this. Just thought I’d mention it while we are on the related suject.)

Concerning visitors to your room: No male visitors past __ pm or before __ am and no visitors at all past __ pm or before __ am on school nights and then on weekends, without the express ok of the roommate, would probably be a wise rule to jointly agree on with your roommate. You might even put it up on the back of your door or by your phone. If one of you wants to go off to someone else’s room it won’t affect the remaining roommate who can study or sleep or wear a mud mask in peace. And if both of you want to have guests over late for a movie or something you’ll have no problems. Believe me, you want to agree on all these sorts of things before they become problems. My roommate and her sister my freshman year had no concept of personal space or privacy and it made my suitemates and me miserable to try to correct her after the fact. Constantly. And it was not fun to share our two person room with her sister who set up a hammock under my roommates bed and pretty much moved in, just dropping by her own dorm room (in the next building over!) to pick up a change of clothes. Gah!

BTW, I commend you for maintaining your modesty in a setting where peer pressure can often times push you to do anything but. Good job! 👍
 
I lived in an all-male dorm for a while when I was in college. Despite the fact that it was all male, there were no rules against female visitors regardless of the time. They could certainly spend the night. All overnight visitors required your roommate’s permission, but females weren’t treated differently than males.

I guess I didn’t think about it at the time because it never came up with my roommate or me.
 
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