Pros and cons of having the grandparents be your daycare

[EnglishTeacher]

With the high cost of childcare and the high cost of living such that both parents often have to work, I know several couples who rely on their parents (i.e., the child’s grandparents) for their daycare. If your daycare provider is Grandma and/or Grandpa, or if you are the Grandma or Grandpa providing daycare, what is your experience?

On the one hand, I feel that if the grandparents live close by and are willing to regularly watch the kids a few times a week while the parents work, it would be wonderful to have the children be with family. On the other hand, I wonder if over time, it could cause resentment–perhaps the grandparents wish that they could have more time just to enjoy their grandchildren and not have to be regularly tied to a schedule or be the disciplinarian, etc.

Thoughts?

 

[LundyLund]

What if you need to fire your provider? Having the grandparents as the provider makes that difficult. And, I see a real possibility that the grandparents would opine on the parents’ parenting style.

 

[pensmama87]

The situations where I have seen it work best are situations where it’s not full-time, but instead a consistent day or even just morning or afternoon.

My in-laws do not live super close, but once a month or so they will take the kids for 1 or 2 nights, or for a big portion of the day. They’re great about it, but I can tell they are tired when we pick them up. I’m always tired at the end of the day, why wouldn’t they be? (Especially my FIL, who will roughhouse with them.)

When I was babysitting, my clients frequently had arrangements with grandparents to watch them one day/week or as backup if I couldn’t. I feel like to ask a grandparent to do full-time childcare (which counting commute time ends up being close to 50 hours per week) would be very difficult.

 

[Jeanne_S]

The situations where I have seen it work best are situations where it’s not full-time, but instead a consistent day or even just morning or afternoon.

My in-laws do not live super close, but once a month or so they will take the kids for 1 or 2 nights, or for a big portion of the day. They’re great about it, but I can tell they are tired when we pick them up. I’m always tired at the end of the day, why wouldn’t they be? (Especially my FIL, who will roughhouse with them.)

When I was babysitting, my clients frequently had arrangements with grandparents to watch them one day/week or as backup if I couldn’t. I feel like to ask a grandparent to do full-time childcare (which counting commute time ends up being close to 50 hours per week) would be very difficult.

I agree with this.I have been the daycare provider for all of my grandkids at various times.
Currently I and my husband watch our youngest daughter’s two children,ages three and 14month one day a week for on average six hours. It is a win win for all involved.We think they are just precious and value the time we spend with them,my daughter is at ease knowing they are well cared for and my grand babies love their time with GiGi and PaPa
This is enough of a commitment for the both of us.Anything more and we would be exhausted and could very well dread our watching them.

 

[Allegra]

My step-mother used to watch my daughter on Tuesdays, not because we needed her to, but because they just wanted to spend time with the kids and they were off on Teusdays. It became problematic as my stepmother kept really strange hours and it was effecting my daughter’s eating and sleeping. She generally came home constipated and without having had a nap. They also allowed my younger siblings’ friends to come over. (My step-mother refuses to notice that they are all drug addicts and insists they are “great kids”) When my son was born, we used breastfeeding as a convenient excuse to end the practice.

 

[Casilda]

When my kids were in school they would walk to Grandma’s until I picked them up. I worked 9-6pm. She loved the time she took care of her grandkids. I paid her the going rate. I just rather much have someone who loved my kids watch them.

 

[ThePCWife]

When my kids were in school they would walk to Grandma’s until I picked them up. I worked 9-6pm. She loved the time she took care of her grandkids. I paid her the going rate. I just rather much have someone who loved my kids watch them.

Why do people say such things? If people can have friendships with real love, why can’t unrelated people develop affection for their charges as well? (They can, it’s distinctly bizarre to blithely say this kind of stuff, it’s anti-social at its core.)

 

[Jeanne_S]

Why do people say such things? If people can have friendships with real love, why can’t unrelated people develop affection for their charges as well? (They can, it’s distinctly bizarre to blithely say this kind of stuff, it’s anti-social at its core.)

That’s a rather harsh assessment

 

[ThePCWife]

That’s a rather harsh assessment

That only blood relations can ever love one’s children? Yes, it is harsh. It’s all too often harder for children raised with that kind of belief to develop relationships beyond the family, since they are hammered with “only family can ever love you.”

Raising kids to know that other people can care about their welfare, other people like their neighbors, parish members and schoolmates and school staff, etc. is, I would think part of teaching them to reach out to other people in a healthy way as they mature and then leave the nest.

 

[St_Pancake]

Why do people say such things? If people can have friendships with real love, why can’t unrelated people develop affection for their charges as well? (They can, it’s distinctly bizarre to blithely say this kind of stuff, it’s anti-social at its core.)

True, someone else could love the kids but it’s nearly a given that grandparents will. Lighten theyself upeth.

 

[May1980]

Depends on the grandparents. I think a formal daycare situation is a wonderful choice.
It’s a lot to ask of those who are no longer young…to do full time care.
The only family I know who did it…it didn’t work out since it got too hard on the grandparents. But again, totally depends!