Protestant Boyfriend

[bluffy]

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about two years, we’re ambitious, we love and care for each other, we have our moments of stress and struggles, but it’s concluded all of our goals and motivation towards those goals is to build a solid foundation for a good marriage and happy family. My issue is, he is Protestant, and I am Catholic, he respects my beliefs, I can tell he even looks at how similar we are in faith, and he’s come a really long way from when we met. I never asked for change, but I am proud of him for rebuilding that relationship with God. I have realized, no matter how supportive, how respectful, and agreeing he is- marriage itself is already difficult, having a spouse whose faith differs, is going to be difficult. I’d like prayers, or advice on strength and I would love to have peace in my heart. I really wouldn’t mind the being Protestant if his love for service and God was really strong. A part of me keeps thinking, “You set an example, and he craves the same relationship you have with God, it’s a work in progress and it’s obvious he’s going to keep growing in faith, I never intended to change him, he’s growing on his own and you’re there guiding him, and you’re growing as well by researching to answer questions.” And the other part knows my uncle became catholic for my aunt, and currently my aunt goes to mass alone. And I’m honestly horrified if I may or possibly could be in some sort of an equal situation.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You need to talk to your boyfriend about this issue, including your apparent horror of going to Mass alone, your fears about marriage being “difficult” (a lot of us don’t find being married to someone we get along with to be particularly “difficult” - it has roadbumps sometimes but it’s not a daily challenge or chore) and your general concerns with his being Protestant. Since you’re 2 years into this relationship it’s time for some very frank discussions. Good luck.

 

[hopeful.sinner]

Well when I met my wife I was bordering on atheism and had been raised practicing an east-Asian religion. After being together for about 9 years, I converted to Roman Catholicism last year. My relationship with Jesus started about a year prior to that, which itself started another year prior, when I started going to Sunday mass with my wife.

In all the time I knew my wife and I wasn’t Catholic - looking back - she was incredibly patient. She never forced anything on me and never made me feel guilty about not going to Church with her. She wished, of course, that I would go with her but there was absolutely no pressure at all. She has since then told me that she prayed for me every single day. There was even an incident when she asked a nun for advice on whether or not to marry me and the nun told her explicitly - do not marry! But my wife trusted in the Lord. And now our relationship, centered around Jesus, is stronger than ever.

So I would suggest this to you as well. Be patient. Trust in the Lord. Pray for your boyfriend.

Many times we trust a doctor: it is good, because the doctor is there to cure us; we trust in a person: brothers and sisters can help us. It is good to have this human trust among ourselves. But we forget about trust in the Lord: this is the key to success in life. Trust in the Lord, let us trust in the Lord! “Lord, look at my life: I’m in the dark, I have this struggle, I have this sin…”; everything we have: “Look at this: I trust in you!”. And this is a risk we must take: to trust in Him, and He never disappoints.”
– Pope Francis

 

[Convert3]

I was Protestant all my life. We married twenty years ago and I became Catholic two and a half years ago. She never asked me to or pressured me in any way. I just decided to learn more about her faith and decided to convert on my own. Now with our marriage centered on God, it’s better than ever. It there are a number of our parish members who come to Mass alone, so don’t expect him to change. Just pray for him and be patient.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Choose someone to marry whose value system aligns with yours. Nothing else much matters, or should (assuming you love eachother as spouses should). If your value system aligns, you have a recipe for a happy marriage. If it doesn’t, you are headed into a world of hurt.

Also, don’t marry with the hope or intention that he will convert. Love him because of his religious beliefs, not in spite of them. If you can’t accept that he is his own person, with his own spiritual convictions, then don’t marry.

 

[signit]

I’ll focus on “going to Mass alone.”

My mother (who married a non-Catholic) was quite okay with going to Mass alone, and later, with just me.

And my father was quite okay with her doing it; in fact he was glad that she had a set of religious beliefs and a church to go to.

 

[TheLittleLady]

“Protestant” is a huge tent. What is his denomination?

 

[Vico]

…

Canon law (CIC) on mixed marriages includes this:

Canon 1125.1 the catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptised and brought up in the catholic Church;

 

[Tis_Bearself]

My mother (who married a non-Catholic) was quite okay with going to Mass alone

I was fine with going to Mass alone myself. I did a lot of things alone when I was married.

However, if the OP is not comfortable with the idea and would really like a spouse who goes to Mass with her (and the kids - it can be important to have Dad setting an example as well as Mom), then I’m not going to tell her she should just get over that. Different people place importance on different things.

 

[snarflemike]

I have read (or seen on The Journey Home) many Catholic/Protestant couples who reported that they were able to deal with the differences until children came along, at which point it seems both sides often start to take their respective religions much more seriously, and the conflict level increases as a result. So keep that in mind.