Psychiatrists

[Magickman]

A married woman goes to a psychiatrist in tears.

“What’s the problem?” the doctor asks.

“It’s my husband!” the woman wails. “He thinks he is a chicken!”

“How long has this been going on?” the doctor asks.

“About a year,” the woman replies.

“A year?” says the doctor. “Why did you wait so long to come see me?”

“Well,” says the wife, “we needed the eggs.”

 

[Em_in_FL]

 

[CountrySinger]

Men are good for more than one thing?! Shocker!

 

[GEddie]

“Anybody who goes to a psychiatrist should have their head examined.”
----Unknown

 

[The_Reginator]

Psychiatrist phone​

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don’t press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

 

[Spencerian]

Psychiatrist phone​

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don’t press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

…And it’s time for me to go to confession again for stealing a brilliant post!

 

[Em_in_FL]

…And it’s time for me to go to confession again for stealing a brilliant post!

EXACTLY - that one was brilliant!

 

[GEddie]

Psychiatrist phone​

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don’t press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

“And if you have Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD), sorry, we can’t help you, since you’ve probably hung up by now.”