Punishment and Keeping the Faith

[SavedByFaith]

I lost my job about 4 years ago and then my wife got sick and had to leave hers as well. I had to start my own business so I could stay home with spouse. At the point that this all started, my wife and made in excess of $100,000/yr together and today (4 yrs later) we barely scrape by and eat a lot of hot dogs. We have lost all luxuries that we ever had and use everything until it falls apart (literally) and then I fix it and we use it again.

The problem that I have is that my wife is mad all the time over the issue of money. I personally praise God daily (many times) that I did not lose everything. I am thankful that I have a place to live, sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear and a car to get around in. We just can’t live like we once did. We can not shop at the best stores or have two cars (although that is fine, we don’t go anywhere so we only need one).

How, in times like this; does one keep faith that things will get better and is it possible that I may be punished for my wife’s lack of thankfulness? The book of Ezekiel (18.1-18.20) tells me that we all suffer because of our own sins, not our children’s or parent’s, how about spouses?? I get up early every day and spend an hour or so reading the bible and praying the rosary (I am not Catholic yet, at least not officially, I am in my heart though). Please lend me some advice and (name removed by moderator)ut on this matter. I am starting to think that I am crazy. My wife says that my devotion to Jesus has tainted my desire for a good lifestyle and yet I assure her that I want to do good and live well - just not as a center point of my life. If God wills it for me, then great - if not then I will live with it! She says that this is craziness?? Help!

 

[springbreeze]

SavedByFaith:

I lost my job about 4 years ago and then my wife got sick and had to leave hers as well. I had to start my own business so I could stay home with spouse. At the point that this all started, my wife and made in excess of $100,000/yr together and today (4 yrs later) we barely scrape by and eat a lot of hot dogs. We have lost all luxuries that we ever had and use everything until it falls apart (literally) and then I fix it and we use it again.

The problem that I have is that my wife is mad all the time over the issue of money. I personally praise God daily (many times) that I did not lose everything. I am thankful that I have a place to live, sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear and a car to get around in. We just can’t live like we once did. We can not shop at the best stores or have two cars (although that is fine, we don’t go anywhere so we only need one).

How, in times like this; does one keep faith that things will get better and is it possible that I may be punished for my wife’s lack of thankfulness? The book of Ezekiel (18.1-18.20) tells me that we all suffer because of our own sins, not our children’s or parent’s, how about spouses?? I get up early every day and spend an hour or so reading the bible and praying the rosary (I am not Catholic yet, at least not officially, I am in my heart though). Please lend me some advice and (name removed by moderator)ut on this matter. I am starting to think that I am crazy. My wife says that my devotion to Jesus has tainted my desire for a good lifestyle and yet I assure her that I want to do good and live well - just not as a center point of my life. If God wills it for me, then great - if not then I will live with it! She says that this is craziness?? Help!

Dear friend

God does not make bad things happen to people. He wants to give every good gift to His children. I am sorry for your losses, but you still have plenty, you are still indeed a rich man, you have a wife that loves you, a home and many other things besides. You know this and are aware to count your blessings.

You have found the greatest blessing and ‘rich’ gift of life and that is faith. There is no material possession that can surpass the gift to your very spirit from God. This is not your dilemma. The dilemma is that your wife at present does not share your view nor the gift of faith.

Pray for her and love her as you always have done. Be patient with her because she does not measure blessings by the spirit, she only sees, presently what is material. This is something you can grow in together and need not be a source of seperation within your ideals and life together.

I will pray for you and for your beloved wife. Your love is stronger than any trial you face and it is stronger because you are in Christ Jesus. Have sympathy with her, she is finding these adjustments hard, but in time she will grow with you to realise that happiness is not borne out of the ability to buy and possess ‘nice’ things.

A lifestyle change is always hard, the old saying goes’ You don’t miss what you have never had’ and it is very true. Your wife is missing what she had, but as time passes she will adjust.

I pray that your faith in Christ jesus will give you both peace, His peace, the peace that the world and all it’s materialism cannot give.

I will also pray for your journey across the Tiber and for a safe journey home to Catholicism.

Give it time friend and treat your wife, as I know you will, with love, compassion and kindness while she adjusts.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[itsjustdave1988]

The book of Ezekiel (18.1-18.20) tells me that we all suffer because of our own sins, not our children’s or parent’s, how about spouses??

Suffering may indeed be penance for our sins, or due to the sin of others, or merely as an opportunity to “suffer with Him” so that we may be “glorified with Him.”

It’s not important to know why we suffer. Our response is the same, in any case, that is, to praise God for what you have and for the occassion to carry the cross you’ve been given.

“We suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him.” (Rom 8:;17)

“In this you rejoice,*** even if now for a little while you have had to suffer various trials, **so that the genuineness of your faith—being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.*” (1 Pet 1:6-7)

"if you endure when you do right and suffer for it, you have God’s approval. " (1 Pet 2:20)

 

[SavedByFaith]

springbreeze:

I will pray for you and for your beloved wife.
I will also pray for your journey across the Tiber and for a safe journey home to Catholicism.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

Thank you so very much, your reply brought tears to my eyes. I appreciate your prayers and again thank you.

 

[puzzleannie]

it is a huge stretch from suffering the normal slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, to assuming that you are being punished by God for either your own sins and omissions, or those of your wife. For one thing, to judge God or another person in this way is a presumption. For another thing, this stuff happens, it is part of life on the planet. do you think the tsunami victims were being punished? your wife’s attitude may be contributing to her unhappiness and anger (and you get the fallout) but that is not to say your circumstances are a direct result. If your attitude toward God is that he punishes failure and rewards success, you need a spiritual attitude adjustment. The point of suffering is not why it happens, but what do we do with it? We lay at at the foot of the cross and join our sufferings, meager as they are, to those of Christ on the Cross. These life events can be the most powerful means of bringing us closer to Jesus, if we allow God to use them to work within us. We are also praying for you.

 

[SavedByFaith]

puzzleannie:

it is a huge stretch from suffering the normal slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, to assuming that you are being punished by God for either your own sins and omissions, or those of your wife. For one thing, to judge God or another person in this way is a presumption. For another thing, this stuff happens, it is part of life on the planet. do you think the tsunami victims were being punished? your wife’s attitude may be contributing to her unhappiness and anger (and you get the fallout) but that is not to say your circumstances are a direct result. If your attitude toward God is that he punishes failure and rewards success, you need a spiritual attitude adjustment. The point of suffering is not why it happens, but what do we do with it? We lay at at the foot of the cross and join our sufferings, meager as they are, to those of Christ on the Cross. These life events can be the most powerful means of bringing us closer to Jesus, if we allow God to use them to work within us. We are also praying for you.

Err, thanks; I guess. I would venture to speculate that you may be a little less judgmental and critical of me if every day for the last 4 years straight you:

1. Could not attend church services due to a family illness.
2. Had not been to or even seen a mall or restaurant due to same illness, much less gone shopping or gone into said restaurant to eat out…
3. Only got out of your house for 15-20 minutes per day to go to the post office and grocery store.
4. Had not been out of your hometown (6 square miles, 4000 people) at all in 4 years.
5. Had zero fellowship with other people.
6. Suffered anger and ridicule at the hands of an ill spouse on more days than not.
7. Worried daily whether you would have a home or food to eat.
8. Getting a different job was not an option, so you had to continue in something that was preventing and end to your hardship.
9. Had to watch your spouse do without things that they truly need and watch them cry and fall apart over lack
10. Lived on Advil because your teeth hurt and you had no money to get them fixed…

I could go on if you like. It is very easy to find fault with how someone else handles hardship ( I know, I do it to my wife ) but the next time I unload my burdens, please just skip me in your replies. I don’t need that kind of compassion.

 

[puzzleannie]

My point was not to be judgemental, quite the opposite, my point was not to place such a harsh judgement on yourself, or upon your wife, without direct knowledge of the mind of God, which none of us can presume to know. While I have nothing but pity for your condition of life, and have lifted you and your family up through the prayer groups I participate in, I am begging you not to make your condition worse by assuming or acting as if it is a punishment sent by God. Again I urge to to concentrate your prayer life on meditation on the passion and suffering of Christ, and ultimately the resurrection, as the surest source of understanding and profitting by your suffering. By the way, the situation you describe in your original post is quite different than that which you describe in your last post. We cannot be presumed to know anything other than that which you choose to share. If you confuse compassion and sympathy with judgement, I apologize, and assure you my intent is to pray with you, as you seem to request, and to be easier on you than you are on yourself.

 

[Pug]

You are not crazy! You are in a hard position, always home, being a caretaker. Your wife is in a tough position too, because it is hard to be ill for a very long time. It is so easy to be crabby and so hard to think straight if you are endlessly tired and sick.

Any connection you can get with other people for both you and your wife will help, even if it is only to chat with the postman. Chat with people online, too! It helps you stay centered. When I am particularly down, I call up a friend and ask them to tell me their problems. It is like a mini-vacation from my own.

Keep praying. I don’t think we can know why we suffer a particular thing. Maybe a few years later we can look back and say, okay, now I see how it made me grow, but then again, maybe we still won’t know. Do your best each day, and put aside any big worry about why the suffering. I’ll pray for you both.

 

[SavedByFaith]

puzzleannie:

Again I urge to to concentrate your prayer life on meditation on the passion and suffering of Christ, and ultimately the resurrection, as the surest source of understanding and profitting by your suffering.

Sorry if I sounded harsh… I just wanted to lay my cross down for a minute and rest, I have carried it long and hard now. I felt as if you were condemning me for being tired and needing to unload for a second…

How exactly does one go about meditating on the passion and suffering of Our Lord through prayer in order to gain understanding of our suffering? Is there a prescribed meditation or verses of scripture that you have found particularly helpful?

 

[springbreeze]

SavedByFaith:

Sorry if I sounded harsh… I just wanted to lay my cross down for a minute and rest, I have carried it long and hard now. I felt as if you were condemning me for being tired and needing to unload for a second…

How exactly does one go about meditating on the passion and suffering of Our Lord through prayer in order to gain understanding of our suffering? Is there a prescribed meditation or verses of scripture that you have found particularly helpful?

Dear friend

In your suffering you can be forgiven any frustration and how do I know how I would cope if I had to walk in your shoes?

I don’t know for one minute what it is actually like to be you and therefore you need not apologise. I can see your desire to have union with God and I also see your desire to give your love also to your wife.

As for your question about verses etc…

Every Friday I dedicate to the suffering of our Lord, I spend it by beginning the day with Mass, then I spend two hours or so before the Blessed Sacrament offering the Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Rosary, plus personal conversation with our Lord, then the Stations of the Cross.

First to be taught by Christ, we must enter into His suffering and picture it within our hearts and our minds, we must dare to enter into His Cross, to realise what the purpose of our Cross is. It is a sorrowful walk with the Lord and extremely painful, it cuts the core of your spirit, but we must enter into His suffering and realise our sinful nature caused it, offer sorrow for that in itself.

Every Friday is a day of tears for me which in turn leads to rejoicing because in His suffering, my suffering has reason and is salvific.

Christ Jesus makes all things new.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[serendipity]

SavedByFaith:

How, in times like this; does one keep faith that things will get better and is it possible that I may be punished for my wife’s lack of thankfulness? The book of Ezekiel (18.1-18.20) tells me that we all suffer because of our own sins, not our children’s or parent’s, how about spouses?? Please lend me some advice and (name removed by moderator)ut on this matter. I am starting to think that I am crazy. My wife says that my devotion to Jesus has tainted my desire for a good lifestyle and yet I assure her that I want to do good and live well - just not as a center point of my life.

I have been through a similar experience myself. Did not make quite as much money to fall back on, but was downsized, waiting for a security clearance (whcih i am still wating for) to begin the next big job…that should have only taken weeks and has taken years.

At any rate, It hoguth I coudl manage from temp job to temp job until the clerance came; the room mate left and I was subletting, so I became homeless for a while, staying form friend to firend and then I contracted some freak diseas that left me blind during the first time in my life I was uninsured. At any rate, I ended up moving back in with my parents for a while, which was the end of the world for me. I gained some of my eye sight back and I have a job that I can work form home while working for looking for other things. Unfortunately, my father lost his job a few months ago and is still looking. At least I have a little income, but ends are barely met. However, at the end of the day, maybe it was for the best…like you said.

My grandmother died during this period, which was also difficutl to bear, because she had been more of a maternal figure than my mother. I had to help clean out her house so her children could sell it (emotionally and physically exhausting), which was near a Carmelite monastery, so I ended up receiving much grace from being able to spend much time there.

What has helped my faith has been the peopel I emt at the monastery, being able to attend mass daily as I use to when i visited Grandma, and I think just well springs of undeserved grace…maybe that was help from heaven. I started studying more about my faith, and to know God is to love him and it is a great cyclical once it starts. Also has been said that you can’t know yourself without knowing God and vice versa.

People from the monastery gave me some reading recommnedations and it has mushroomed form there. Teresa of Avila’s autobiography helped me a lot. Her comment about how God saved her by returning her to her father’s house, but she had not wanted to return, an illness required it. So much of the book spoke volumes to me, but that one sentence made me think this is why I am here and it increased my faith. She also stressed that just as there are “many rooms in the mansion,” that there are many spiritual “paths to the mansion.” I only know what worked for me and my faith. i don’t know what exactly might help you. Maybe a spiritual director can help you.

I also was greatly comforted and inspired by Catherine of Siena’s DIalogue, in which she talks about God permits what happens to us becuase it is for the best of our souls. A big challenge for me is bbeing able to ehlp feed this house and still have money available to make payment on student loans. I don’t have credit card debt, becuase I did not believe in it. I woudl be lying if I said that I am always great about having fiath in God. Sometimes I wish there was just a little bitmore moeny, so that I could get an eye operation, or get the car fixed with new parts and not wait months to find affordable replacements, and worry how will I make the bills that are only necessities.

But reading Catherine of Siena has helped me accept that maybe there is a reason for this…maybe if I had more moeny then I woudl become spiritually negligent again or if I did not go through this, then I would not have rediscovered the peacefulness that prayer provides, as it endows me with the uncluttered mind of a child for a period of time. Or that I would not notice how much some members of my family are suffering from turning away from the chruch and feeling abandoned by God in their struggles. We were not made “to go it alone.” I think I have helped bring some back to the church. We are suppose to be dependent on God and dependent on oen another and life is so much easier and fulfilling when we have this realization.I feel closer to God than ever before. I don’t want to lose this and I want every one I know to have this feeling more than any material wealth, but they need to want it too.

 

[springbreeze]

Dear friends

God does not have any care for money. Money is a thing of man ‘give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, but give to God what belongs to God’ It is not of Him and poverty and financial hardship is a man made thing.

This makes me confirmed in what I already had thought, that we should look for the own Tsunami in our own neighbourhood and give to the poor of our parish, if we neglect to do so, it is then to neglect God.

God loves the poor, they are so very stripped of worldly trappings that what they have is freedom from entrapment in the world. This may seem a romantic view of poverty but having had much and going to nothing myself, I see God’s Providence in caring for my life and always ‘I land on my feet’…why?? because I ask little and therefore receive much.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[puzzleannie]

SavedByFaith:

Sorry if I sounded harsh… I just wanted to lay my cross down for a minute and rest, I have carried it long and hard now. I felt as if you were condemning me for being tired and needing to unload for a second…

How exactly does one go about meditating on the passion and suffering of Our Lord through prayer in order to gain understanding of our suffering? Is there a prescribed meditation or verses of scripture that you have found particularly helpful?

of course you want to lay down your cross, and Jesus is waiting to lift it from your shoulders for a minute-come to me all you who are heavy laden–he tells us. for me the best way is to pray the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary. don’t you think you already have an understanding of suffering? perhaps more than most people? maybe we need to look for an understanding of the mystery of uniting our suffering with that of Christ, I can’t tell you how that happens, I can just tell you that when I am struck down (literally) by a migraine all I can do is lie in a dark room and meditate on the crowing with thorns, and when my teen was missing for several weeks all I could do was stay in the agony in the garden.

 

[SavedByFaith]

serendipity:

I have been through a similar experience myself. Did not make quite as much money to fall back on, but was downsized, waiting for a security clearance (whcih i am still wating for) to begin the next big job…that should have only taken weeks and has taken years.

Sounds like you have been through the wringer as well my friend, my prayers are with you. I had an event with my eyes as well about 6 yrs ago (bilateral retinal detachments). Left eye is full of teflon rings and steel clips, right eye full of laser spot welds, not much fun. Good luck to you in your struggles. God Bless! Hopefully security clearance comes through soon.