Question about keeping remains at home

[sparkymcfly]

I’m new here trying to find out a few things. My mom was just put under hospice care due to her end stage lung cancer that has spread to her brain. My mom and I had a discussion sometime last month about what her wishes were if she were to pass away. She said she wanted to be cremated and for me to keep her ashes.

I am baptized Catholic and confirmed but haven’t been to church in a couple of years. My mom is baptized as an Episcopal but also doesn’t actively go to church. I guess what I’m trying to find out is if it is a bad thing to keep her ashes in our home? I was reading a few sites that says Catholics shouldn’t keep urns in the home but rather in a cemetery. I don’t want to go against my mom’s wishes but there’s a little voice in my head that says I should place her at a cemetery.

Also, if I were to place her in a cemetery and I eventually move to a different state, would I be able to get her remains to take with me or is it a done deal once she’s placed at the cemetery?

Just some helpful advice or thoughts on this please. I’m going to see her next week to spend some time with her and possibly say my goodbyes.

 

[1ke]

I guess what I’m trying to find out is if it is a bad thing to keep her ashes in our home?

Cremated remains should be interred in a grave or columbarium.

I was reading a few sites that says Catholics shouldn’t keep urns in the home but rather in a cemetery.

Correct.

Nor can Catholics spread ashes.

I don’t want to go against my mom’s wishes but there’s a little voice in my head that says I should place her at a cemetery.

You should let your mother know you are happy to honor her wishes to be cremated, but will inter the ashes.

Also, if I were to place her in a cemetery and I eventually move to a different state, would I be able to get her remains to take with me or is it a done deal once she’s placed at the cemetery?

Well, that’s a question for the cemetery, but it’s not something I’ve ever heard of. You don’t rent the space in a cemetery, you purchase it and it’s intended to be permanent.

 

[ZemD]

Also, if I were to place her in a cemetery and I eventually move to a different state, would I be able to get her remains to take with me or is it a done deal once she’s placed at the cemetery?

1ke already answered all your questions, but as to this one, I would bet that if you would be willing to pay the cost to exhume your mom’s ashes and not expect any refund of her internment costs they may do this for you. That cost is likely very high though.

 

[DeniseNY]

You’ve received good advice. Cremated remains must be interred in a grave or columbarium.

I’m very sorry about your mother. I will pray for her and your family.

 

[Cruciferi]

Logistically speaking, internment makes the most sense. I recall a home design show years ago where the family nearly threw out their mother’s cremains! I’m sure it’s happened more than once…

 

[Irishmom2]

I would think it would cost less in a columbarium. If someone is willing to pay any cost involved in opening (I don’t know what is involved) I don’t see why the cremains could not be moved to another columbarium in a different state.

OP, your best answer for this particular question would be to ask a funeral director. But as others have said, keeping your mom’s ashes at home is not an option for Catholics.

 

[Cor_ad_Cor]

Also, if I were to place her in a cemetery and I eventually move to a different state, would I be able to get her remains to take with me or is it a done deal once she’s placed at the cemetery?

I think you’ve received good advice. I’ll just say that theoretically, I would think this might be possible from the Church’s point of view (the cemetery might feel differently). After all, bodies of the Saints are exhumed, moved, etc. routinely.

 

[Cirdan_XII]

1ke already answered all your questions, but as to this one, I would bet that if you would be willing to pay the cost to exhume your mom’s ashes and not expect any refund of her internment costs they may do this for you. That cost is likely very high though.

I agree with this view.

It is advisable to check with the cemetry authority as they may have their own rules, and just because you may have a right to do something, that does not mean you can force the cemertry authority to cooperate.

But that said I am aware of several cases of people being exhmed and reinterred elsewhere for a variety of reasons, ranging from cemetries being closed or repurposed, to relatives deciding to create a family grave or even a crypt. Or also graves of famous people being moved to the celebrity section of the cemetry when the lease on the original spot expires - though i guess this is not useful in your case. But I guess that in all these cases the operation was pretty costly, probably considerably more so than the initial interment

Also, in the case of a conventional burial there may be bones and things that can be dug up even decades after the initial burial. In the case of a small urn of ashes, it might be difficult to locate this at all, and even if it is located it may be broken and the ashes thus mixed up with the surrounding soil meaning there is nothing there to rebury.

In any case, I wish you a lot of strenth for the time ahead and will pray for you and your mother.

 

[Anne1964]

All of the parishes in my Diocese allow the family to remove the urn with the remains in it provided they are moving it to another columbarium or cemetery. There is a charge, which varies but I the highest I’ve seen is $500.

The $500 covers the cost of replacing the granite faceplate since the deceased’s name was engraved on it.

I’m writing the brochure for the new columbarium at my parish so I’ve been doing research on this issue.