She has that covered. She has scheduled counselling for herself. I think if she talks this over with a trained person she can really trust and look in the eye, she’ll do better than text-messaging strangers like us.
Most of what we say here is for people who are in a situation similar to hers but who were not as brave as she was about asking the questions she’s asked. She’ll see her therapist and get her best and most useful answers there.
This is too true! Lots of folks are perusing these forums looking for help, myself included.
I can relate to the OP, and I know my wife can as well. But for the sake of our daughter (and now another child that’s on the way, thanks Mr. Priest who recommended that maintaining our conjugal relationship would help solve our relationship issues… sarcasm intended…) we made the decision to stay together. We’ve been battling depression and general resentment and incompatibility since we met. We separated (not legally, but living accommodations) back in April after which point we made the decision to make it work and moved back in together. Things got really bad with her threatening to leave last November.
Her actually considering leaving me sent me into a downward spiral. Up until that point I’d always considered our marriage solid, despite how often or serious our disagreements and arguments became. I never believed we’d separate or even consider divorce… I sunk into a pretty serious depression… That was when I began my conversion journey into the Catholic Church. I was baptized at Easter vigil just days before my spouse actually did move out.
Both of us have been completely anti-religion our entire relationship, so me converting was a huge change for me and for her to adjust to my new beliefs. Meh, not really that much change for her, as I’ve sacrificed much of the structure provided by the Church that really helped me so as to avoid discomfiting her… Her moving back in has negatively influenced my practicing of the faith, to my chagrin but I can’t blame her. Shoot, I’m even afraid to pray in front of her. That is all on me.
I agreed to continuing to work on the relationship though on the premise that, as you pointed out, we actually can make it work. Who knows, we still might do it; however, to this point we made the commitment but there’s really been no movement on either of our parts. If anything, we’re both more resigned than hopeful than we were before. Still not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. (Yes, therapy’s been done.)
The big thing that’s got me still wanting to try is an attempt to remain obedient to the faith. My conscience was telling me not to look back and simply remain as I was when I came into the church (btw this is also scripturally based from 1 Corinthians, “remain as you are” by St. Paul", which I was married but emotionally then physically separated at the time of my conversion), but the priest was telling me something different, so I took his advice and executed. Now the stakes only got even higher since we now have a second child on the way but the circumstances still remain just as grim.
Morally, Church teaching is supposed to be right and my conscience would only be out of alignment with that teaching because it wasn’t fully developed, thus I must practice obedience to the faith to bridge the gap until my conscience can catch up and understand. With your statement about being realistic in recognizing that remaining together with children may not be moral in some circumstances, you’re telling me that you actually disagree with me or that I may have misinterpreted something. Care to expand on that statement? What could actually cause separation with children to be the morally correct route?
Don’t get me wrong, I understand where you’re coming from with that but my understanding was that objectivity is what determines morality and objectively the Church claims that breaking up a marriage with separation is never morally correct based on objective values and thus requires both parties remain obedient to the faith.
