Question about marriage convalidation donation

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I have a question regarding the etiquette for marriage convalidation gratuities/donations. My wife and I are having our marriage convalidated in the Catholic Church in a couple of weeks.

My parish priest told us there is no charge; however, I feel that we should give at least a small donation. Is it poor taste to give a cash gratuity directly to the priest, or is it better to give it to the Church? Are priests even allowed to accept gratuities?

Thanks.

.
 
It is perfectly acceptable to give the priest a gift of cash, perhaps in a lovely thank you card, for performing the service. The amount can vary, but my suggestion would be $50 or $100 depending on your situation.

~Liza
 
Do yourself a favor and give it to a good charity, at least then you know your money is doing God’s work…
 
if you pay the priest it is not a gratuity, as in a tip, it is a stipend. If a visiting priest comes from outside, the parish has to pay him if you don’t. If the deacon assigned to this parish witnesses the weddking most likely he gets no income at all except for donations from people like yourselves. A rule of thumb if the parish has given no guideline is to consider what a degreed professional like a doctor, lawyer, accountant etc. would charge per hour and pay that for every hour or part of an hour.

For those who are sure to ask, yes the priest assigned to the parish gets an exceedingly modest, sometimes austere, salary plus a set amount for housing and mileage reimbursement and yes his vocation is conferring the sacraments. Any donation he receives he can handle in a number of weighs according the rules of his diocese (or religious order) and of course all must be reported to IRS. He can put all sacramental donations into a common parish fund to help defray expenses and overhead associated with them. He can keep them, up to an amount set by his religious superior and declare them as income, he can put them toward general parish expense, in which case it is taxed by the diocese as a donation.
 
ElizabethPH said:
Priest’s aren’t doing God’s work?
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That’s not what I said. I’m simply saying that giving money to a priest for performing his priestly duties seems a bit like a waste of money to me. From a Christian perspective, it seems like a much better thing to do would be to give money to a charity or someone who NEEDS IT, which would be an “offering” of sorts to God.

Here’s a question:

Why is it so important to pay a priest for presiding over a marriage ceremony or a convalidation? He has a salary and all of his bills (literally: every single one of his bills) are paid before he even receives his salary.
 
puzzleannie said:
if you pay the priest it is not a gratuity, as in a tip, it is a stipend. If a visiting priest comes from outside, the parish has to pay him if you don’t. If the deacon assigned to this parish witnesses the weddking most likely he gets no income at all except for donations from people like yourselves. A rule of thumb if the parish has given no guideline is to consider what a degreed professional like a doctor, lawyer, accountant etc. would charge per hour and pay that for every hour or part of an hour.

For those who are sure to ask, yes the priest assigned to the parish gets an exceedingly modest, sometimes austere, salary plus a set amount for housing and mileage reimbursement and yes his vocation is conferring the sacraments. Any donation he receives he can handle in a number of weighs according the rules of his diocese (or religious order) and of course all must be reported to IRS. He can put all sacramental donations into a common parish fund to help defray expenses and overhead associated with them. He can keep them, up to an amount set by his religious superior and declare them as income, he can put them toward general parish expense, in which case it is taxed by the diocese as a donation.
Click to expand...
Without getting into too much detail, I know this process is extremely corrupted, at least in my home diocese. I know that priests do NOT take a vow of poverty. However, they rely on the donations of parishioners, who are told that such donations are given to God. It is insulting when money given to priests (or diocese, or any religious individual/organization) is used wastefully. It happens everywhere, and I would feel much better giving my money to a charity which holds a weekly soup kitchen or something like that.
 
rusty20 said:
He has a salary and all of his bills (literally: every single one of his bills) are paid before he even receives his salary.
Click to expand...
You can not assume that a priest is totally set for life. I know priests who are horrifically poor, even though they receive a basic priest’s salary. Every person has expenses, and unless they are going on expensive vacations, wearing top of the line clerical suits, and driving a brand new car every year, then I’m not sure you can make the assumption that an extra $50 here and there would not be helpful.

I would always give a stipend first to my priest than giving it elsewhere in such a situation. He brings me Christ in his consecrated hands. If I can make his life a tiny bit more comfortable then I am more than happy to do that.

~Liza
 
aaabha said:
I have a question regarding the etiquette for marriage convalidation gratuities/donations. My wife and I are having our marriage convalidated in the Catholic Church in a couple of weeks.

My parish priest told us there is no charge; however, I feel that we should give at least a small donation. Is it poor taste to give a cash gratuity directly to the priest, or is it better to give it to the Church? Are priests even allowed to accept gratuities?

Thanks.

.
Click to expand...
Hey wait a minute… you have yourself listed as Hindu. Do you mind explaining how you are having your marriage convalidated? Are you converting to the Catholic Faith?

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
You can not assume that a priest is totally set for life. I know priests who are horrifically poor, even though they receive a basic priest’s salary. Every person has expenses, and unless they are going on expensive vacations, wearing top of the line clerical suits, and driving a brand new car every year, then I’m not sure you can make the assumption that an extra $50 here and there would not be helpful.

I would always give a stipend first to my priest than giving it elsewhere in such a situation. He brings me Christ in his consecrated hands. If I can make his life a tiny bit more comfortable then I am more than happy to do that.

~Liza
Click to expand...
I couldn’t agree more. Priests do not get paid very much.
 
lizaanne said:
Hey wait a minute… you have yourself listed as Hindu. Do you mind explaining how you are having your marriage convalidated? Are you converting to the Catholic Faith?

~Liza
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It’s not necessary for a non-Catholic to convert in order to marry a Catholic. I assume the OP’s spouse is Catholic and that they were not originally married according to Catholic form. Now they will have a valid marriage.
 
I’m not trying to convince anybody that priests are all corrupt or anything. I have my reasons (and “inside” sources) for what I stated above. That being said, spend your money where you please. If you think your money does God’s will better by giving it to a priest than by giving it to the poor/homeless/etc through charity, then that’s your call.

The Bible commands us to love our neighbor, most of all the poor and disadvantaged. I’ve just seen too many Catholics blindly give their church the 10% tithe, only to see the diocese or parish waste it. I see it happen in politics all the time and, sadly, the Church is very political in how donated money is spent. I don’t wish to say that nobody should give money to priests and everyone should only give to charity. My point is this: put some thought into how you donate your money and don’t just assume the Church will do well with it.
 
rusty20 said:
Why is it so important to pay a priest for presiding over a marriage ceremony or a convalidation? He has a salary and all of his bills (literally: every single one of his bills) are paid before he even receives his salary.
Click to expand...
this may be true of priests you know, but not of the dozens I have worked for in 3 dioceses. as OP notes, and as she was told, no it is not required or even expected but a donation something caring people like to do
rusty20 said:
Without getting into too much detail, I know this process is extremely corrupted, at least in my home diocese. I know that priests do NOT take a vow of poverty. However, they rely on the donations of parishioners, who are told that such donations are given to God. It is insulting when money given to priests (or diocese, or any religious individual/organization) is used wastefully. It happens everywhere, and I would feel much better giving my money to a charity which holds a weekly soup kitchen or something like that.
Click to expand...
I am extremely sorry if you think the priest using such a donation to offset parish expenses, or a gift given to him personally for his own needs, is a corruption and wasteful. Should you ever like to get back in touch with reality I will be glad to give you an education.
 
rusty20 said:
Without getting into too much detail, I know this process is extremely corrupted, at least in my home diocese. I know that priests do NOT take a vow of poverty. However, they rely on the donations of parishioners, who are told that such donations are given to God. It is insulting when money given to priests (or diocese, or any religious individual/organization) is used wastefully. It happens everywhere, and I would feel much better giving my money to a charity which holds a weekly soup kitchen or something like that.
Click to expand...
I am extremely sorry if you think the priest using such a donation to offset parish expenses, or a gift given to him personally for his own needs, is a corruption and wasteful. Should you ever like to get back in touch with reality I will be glad to give you an education.
 
puzzleannie said:
I am extremely sorry if you think the priest using such a donation to offset parish expenses, or a gift given to him personally for his own needs, is a corruption and wasteful.
Click to expand...
Perhaps you misunderstood me. A gift is a gift, and can be used for anything. But the problem arises when people give money due to some idea of a religious duty, and then the priest is wasteful.
puzzleannie said:
Should you ever like to get back in touch with reality I will be glad to give you an education.
Click to expand...
I know not many people on here will agree with me or even understand why I say what I say. I’ve tried to state my opinion in a respectful way. Perhaps you could do the same?
 
rusty20 said:
Perhaps you misunderstood me. A gift is a gift, and can be used for anything. But the problem arises when people give money due to some idea of a religious duty, and then the priest is wasteful.
Click to expand...
It’s a gift what does it matter if it’s done out of a religious duty or not.
I know a lot of people feel when they give a gift they have to control how it’s spent as much as they can; to me that is begrudging the gift.
 
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