Question about moral obligation regarding friendship

[onthenarrowpath]

Are we morally obligated to remain friends with people who encourage us to live a sinful lifestyle?

I’m a man who personally struggles against same-sex attraction and I believe homosexual sex is sinful. I recently reconnected with an old girlfriend from high school who now has 2 lesbian daughters, and she does NOT believe that a homosexual lifestyle is sinful. When trying to engage her in a discussion about why it is sinful, she told me she firmly believes God has led her to believe it is NOT sinful, and thus she will not change her beliefs. Despite telling her I believe homosexual sex is sinful/immoral, and explaining how I struggle with it, she has still told me she thinks I should find a man to be in a relationship with.

To me, it is clear she will not change her position, and I’m starting to wonder if it is a wise idea for me to continue trying to rebuild a friendship with her after all these years. What should I do?

 

[flyingfish]

Are we morally obligated to remain friends with people who encourage us to live a sinful lifestyle?

I’m a man who personally struggles against same-sex attraction and I believe homosexual sex is sinful. I recently reconnected with an old girlfriend from high school who now has 2 lesbian daughters, and she does NOT believe that a homosexual lifestyle is sinful. When trying to engage her in a discussion about why it is sinful, she told me she firmly believes God has led her to believe it is NOT sinful, and thus she will not change her beliefs. Despite telling her I believe homosexual sex is sinful/immoral, and explaining how I struggle with it, she has still told me she thinks I should find a man to be in a relationship with.

To me, it is clear she will not change her position, and I’m starting to wonder if it is a wise idea for me to continue trying to rebuild a friendship with her after all these years. What should I do?

I don’t think you have a moral obligation to do either thing.

However, I think you should understand that your friend is telling you those things because she believes she is being compassionate toward you, or helping you. She may feel an obligation of her own to tell you those things because she is probably worried that you’re unhappy.

Maybe women in particular do this. If I see a friend suffering because of something, I am going to go out of my way to try to make that person feel comfortable and reassure them that they’re okay, and I’m not even that nice of a person.

 

[cctabb]

To me, it is clear she will not change her position, and I’m starting to wonder if it is a wise idea for me to continue trying to rebuild a friendship with her after all these years. What should I do?

Yeah, hon, it is time you start to disentangle yourself from this relationship. We are not morally obligated to keep up with any friendship. People move and move on.

You do know there are support associations that help with the daily struggles you face, right?

 

[puzzleannie]

To me, it is clear she will not change her position, and I’m starting to wonder if it is a wise idea for me to continue trying to rebuild a friendship with her after all these years. What should I do?

she may very well be in need of a friend who understands these things when the inevitable damage her children will suffer due to their choices begins to take a toll. you can agree to disagree, and of course you cannot personally criticize her own children, but you can be there, not to say “I told you so” but to help her understand what is going on with them.

 

[kage_ar]

Are we morally obligated to remain friends with people who encourage us to live a sinful lifestyle?

Jesus commands us to love everyone, even sinners

Love does not mean we confirm them in their sin, love means we love them in spite of the sin and pray and shine light in their lives.

If I kicked everyone out of my life who was a sinner, I’d be a very lonely person.

 

[shannyk]

Someone who loves you as a friend would never encourage you to sin. She may not think it is a sin, you know better and have told her as much. She wants you to pursue a relationship with a man regardless of the fact that you’ve said you know it is immoral. That is not a friend. This is not about her being a sinner as we ALL are, this is about her encouraging you to sin. You have no moral obligation to befriend someone who would encourage you to sin and frankly, is very disrespectful of your convictions.

 

[kristie_m]

Someone who loves you as a friend would never encourage you to sin. She may not think it is a sin, you know better and have told her as much. She wants you to pursue a relationship with a man regardless of the fact that you’ve said you know it is immoral. That is not a friend. This is not about her being a sinner as we ALL are, this is about her encouraging you to sin. You have no moral obligation to befriend someone who would encourage you to sin and frankly, is very disrespectful of your convictions.

I agree. If you struggled with alcoholism, you wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who kept insisting that you join them at a bar. At the very least, you need to let this person know that you need to be guided by your own conscience, and if she can’t respect that, and leave you alone about it, then maybe you need to step away.

 

[joandarc2008]

Jesus commands us to love everyone, even sinners

Love does not mean we confirm them in their sin, love means we love them in spite of the sin and pray and shine light in their lives.

If I kicked everyone out of my life who was a sinner, I’d be a very lonely person.

I liked the way you put this, Kage. I do have friends that are actively gay. Especially where I live. I do however not support the lifestyle. I let them know quietly that I disagree with their choices once and then I do not engage in social activities that would be construed as me supporting that lifestyle. It goes back to the whole hate the sin, love the sinner. I would hate it if people stopped hanging out with me because I was a sinner, or Catholic, or White, or short.

 

[shannyk]

I liked the way you put this, Kage. I do have friends that are actively gay. Especially where I live. I do however not support the lifestyle. I let them know quietly that I disagree with their choices once and then I do not engage in social activities that would be construed as me supporting that lifestyle. It goes back to the whole hate the sin, love the sinner. I would hate it if people stopped hanging out with me because I was a sinner, or Catholic, or White, or short.

I think maybe you misread the OP?

He didn’t say he didn’t want to be friends with her because she is gay or is a sinner, he said she is encouraging HIM to sin by seeking out a gay partner, though he has tried to say ‘no’ and assert that he knows it is sinful to do so. Not sure how SHE is being much of a friend by doing that? Sure he should love her, we should love everyone but we sure don’t have to be friends with people who encourage us to sin. :twocents:

 

[TurboVW]

It appears she’s trying to help you, but based on what she thinks is right. Thus, if she thinks her own dating situation is right, then she’ll give you advice that she’s thinking is right.

I wouldn’t talk about such things with her anymore and see what happens. If she continues to prod and push on that subject, then drop her.