Question about possibility of annulment

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lostkitten12

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Hello,

I am currently in the process of separating from my spouse and was wondering if an annulment might be a realistic option for me. I have been married close to 2 years and despite my best efforts “waiting for marriage” has turned into “waiting for one of us to die off”. I am tired of sharing a bed with someone who clearly has no interest in me in that way. I understand that marriage is a serious commitment and I am prepared to follow whatever judgement the church gives me. I just am just worried about being humiliated by applying (not to mention the effort/expense) if its clear from the jump that annulment is not an option.

Thanks so much for any advice that you can give I really do appreciate it.
 
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No one here can really assess your situation. Talk with your priest or parish’s procurator/advocate. They will be able to assist you.
 
Thank you for taking the time for respond to my question! 😀

We have tried to work this out several times (counseling and just talking about), but we have not tried to seek the advice of a priest. I am not sure how to even bring this topic up to a priest.
 
lostkitten12 said:
I just am just worried about being humiliated by applying (not to mention the effort/expense) if its clear from the jump that annulment is not an opt
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You need to speak to your pastor about the details and let him guide you. In most tribunals in the US, you will do some preliminary groundwork that focuses on whether or not you have a case before you ever even submit it to the tribunal.

We can’t really tell you, based on what you’ve written, whether you have a case or not. Nor would you want to take the word of a bunch of people on the internet who have 2 paragraphs of vague information on your marriage.
 
lostkitten12 said:
“waiting for marriage” has turned into “waiting for one of us to die off”.
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I don’t think I understand what you mean— do you mean you’ve never consummated the marriage because your wife won’t have sex?
 
Funny thing is I am the wife…and yeah. I am still a virgin and I am too humiliated to talk to anyone at my church.
 
It’s your husband who won’t have sex. Gotcha. So, obviously something is very wrong. And that something could possibly be grounds for a decree of nullity. Has he said why he won’t consummate? Two years is a long time.

And FYI even if there weren’t grounds for a tribunal nullity case, an unconsummated valid, sacramental marriage can be dissolved by the Pope.
 
Basically its his choice and I cannot force him to do something he finds totally repulsive. So after 2 years of trying to talk him into deciding he was was interested in it I threw in the towel. I am too humiliated to even go back to my church much less admit why this is happening. I am considering just moving to another city pretending I wanna be a spinster.
 
God bless you. I am sure it is difficult, but I think you are heaping shame upon yourself and that is misplaced. You don’t need to share your personal details with parishioners but the pastor will keep things confidential and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Your husband clearly has some mental problems that were undisclosed and unresolved prior to marriage. This is not your fault.

Your pastor is there to help you. But I understand if you want to go to someone outside your parish— in our diocese there is a pastor who helps a lot of people with their annulments, from all over the diocese. So you may be able to get someone in your diocese who is not connected to your parish to help you.

And if you move, you can file in that diocese, the diocese where the marriage took place, the diocese the respondent lives In.
 
lostkitten12 said:
I am too humiliated to talk to anyone at my church.
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Please make an appointment and talk to your (a) priest and then the diocese office dealing with annulment (tribunal) if needed.

I can empathize with your feeling of embarrassment / humiliation, but it really is the way to proceed if other attempts to reconcile have failed. There are programs such as Retrouvaille but both spouses need some strong commitment to make it work.
 
Its at least good to know that there are some odds I will not actually get laughed out of the church for ending marriage because of this issue. I will see if there is another parish that can help me with this process…and I can move to that no one other then the priest knows I was married which at this point sounds ideal.

I will look into Retrouvaille to see if that is an option that may help us.

When I googled this issue all I got was a bunch of historical articles on the Pope dissolving a bunch of marriages in Russia during the Cold War since they never even lived in the same city together which is cool… and not helpful.
 
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lostkitten12 said:
I will look into Retrouvaille to see if that is an option that may help us.
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Retrouvailles can help troubled marriages but something is VERY wrong here— like pathologically wrong— and frankly I doubt Retrouvailles will help when a professional counselor was unable to.
 
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I am sorry this is happening to you.
I pray that you will lose the feeling of humiliation and sense of blame. From what you have written, your husband clearly has a problem. It doesn’t seem like one he is interested in fixing.
If you do divorce and seek an annulment, your priest or advocate will help you in determining if there are grounds to go ahead with it.
Remember, you are a champion!
 
http://catholicsdivorce.com

Rose Sweet has been on Catholic Answers Live several times.

Do not be embarrassed to speak to your pastor or to someone at the Diocese Office of Marriage & Family Life.

Expense? In the US there are some minimal Tribunal costs that are waived if you do not have the funds.

Talk to your priest. Get some good counseling. Prayers.
 
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