Question about sex within a marriage

[The_Bucket]

…I’m sure the Church also acknowledges 1 Co 7, which suggests that a purpose of sex in marriage is to satisfy the desire (if not need) of the spouses - in fact in this context spouses are commanded to satisfy each others desires (of course this scripture must be understood in the greater context of Church teaching on the subject, so it’s not a trump card that any spouse can pull out and say, “you have to satisfy me”).

Pretty well said there. The OP’s husband needs to learn a little more about not using said trump card.

As a man, look I totally “get” where your husband is coming from in most respects. I can’t say so much for the near-forcing you to do things you don’t like, but I can say that I get the “sex as a need” thing. It’s hardwired into our genetics as men and for some men it’s a constant screaming, especially once it’s “turned on.” When you’re not married it’s easier as the switch hasn’t been flipped yet. You have temptation to be sure, but you just hit the gym extra hard or something and you can keep it at bay. Once that switch is flipped though, it’s fairly impossible to flip it back and very tough to keep that “need” away.

But I say very tough, not impossible, and we’re all called to do hard things in our lives. In our case, we learned quick the consequences of following the Church’s teachings on sexuality but perhaps not being as in control as we should as we have two kids in the first 2.5 years of marriage. Now we’re learning the hard road that must be taken with absolutely following all the rules of NFP in the most conservative way, triple checking signs with temps, CM and even ovulation test kits and, yes, weeks of abstaining when everything on the chart isn’t all kosher.

Is it fun? Uh, no. And I’m not going to claim to be in the same ballpark as other couples who say that those struggles have made them closer because in my case it has not! It’s much easier for my wife to “go without” especially since two little ones at home, one of whom is still breastfeeding, really tire you out! I’m working all day and even I have to take the occasional nap on the weekend to keep up, I cant imagine how she is still going like the Energizer bunny! So yeah, that does create a strain and it’s mostly one sided. But you know what, that’s life and you have to deal with it. Work out harder and longer. Pray more and harder. And in the OP poster’s case, look over the Catechism and realize the Church’s law on this subject, the need to respect his wife’s wishes on certain things and then simply ** deal with it** like he’d deal with anything else that doesn’t go perfectly his way.

And in my case, frankly, given the issues we had with our son being born premature and spending 4.5 months in the hospital, if this is the toughest cross I’m going to have to bear for now, give it to me. It’s not a pleasant experience, but I’ll take it over nearly losing my little boy and being separated from him for months.