Question about sexual arousal

[newbride]

Hi All, I am asking a bit of an intimate question on here, and would really appreciate some words of wisdom.

I got married a few months ago to a most wonderful man, who I find very handsome and love so much. However, I don’t have pleasure during sex, no orgasm, no arousal. I got married as a virgin, so was not aware if I have any problem/have no clue why this happening.

I wanted to ask the kind older/more experienced/married ladies in the forum if any have ever experienced this. Did things get better? What did you do? And any helpful tips.

I don’t want to discuss this with family members/friends (because don’t want anyone to panic, get overly-involved in my marital life etc). I am just going to wait to see a doctor. We plan to see an Ob/gyn once I get health insurance (my insurance kicks in January 2020).

However, in the interim, I am a bit worried.

Thank you for your kind response and God bless!

 

[heidi_storage]

I am delighted you’ll see a doctor; they can evaluate any physical problems. In the mean time, relax–have a little alcohol if you like–take it nice and sloooooww, put yourself in a positive frame of mind, and use lots of lube if needed.

Also, I find that plenty of hugging and kissing without leading to sex can help rev up the old engines. Make sure you keep on spending quality time with him. Good luck!

 

[newbride]

@ heidi_storage. Thank so much for your response. May God bless you

 

[AdamP88]

Perhaps try some sex toys.

I wouldn’t jump straight to that.

Congrats on your wedding first of all.
As a man, I’d suggest that maybe he needs to learn a few things about how a woman’s arousal is very different from his own. Men tend to forget that most women don’t just go from 0-10 immediately, whereas a man can be fully aroused in about 30 seconds with very little help from his wife. Instead of focusing on orgasm, just enjoy each other and figure out what gets you going. Maybe even decide that you won’t have sex on a particular day but you will just spend that time enjoying each other physically. Let him get to know you in that way and he’ll figure it out.

Also when actually having sex, don’t be afraid to get him to use other body parts to “help” you. A lot of the time a woman doesn’t orgasm just from the “sex” if you know what I mean.

And don’t forget to communicate. Tell him what feels good for you and also what doesn’t feel so good.

Finally, don’t be afraid or discouraged. Despite the Hollywood portrayal of people being automatically great at sex, life isn’t like that. Sex needs practice to make it better just like everything else in life.

You should enjoy the time of getting to know each other and having that sense of mystery about your spouse. In time that will hopefully give way to a sense of confidence that you can please each other and know how to arouse each other and you may even look back on this period together and laugh at how clueless you were. Praying for you.

 

[newbride]

@ AdamP88. Thank you so much. May God bless you.

 

[newbride]

@ drac16. Thanks for your response. Maybe after we see the doctor, we may look into it, if it would be healthy/Godly, and enhance our marital life.

 

[AdamP88]

No problem. It’s an area that you don’t really arrive to marriage fully prepared for. But the good news is that you can have great fun figuring it out.