Question concerning children in mixed/interfaith marriage

[texasag7599]

I am a convert to the Catholic faith and my wife, who did not convert, is Baptist. My children are not being raised Catholic and they go to church with my wife because the understanding when we were married was that they would be raised Baptist because we were both Baptist at that time.

So…I kind of flipped everything on it’s ear right after out first child was born when I found the Catholic church.

My question is…how do I talk about why we go to different churches with the kids? I don’t want to bash my wife’s faith in any way but at the same time I want to impress on them the importance of mine. I pray every day for my families conversion but I feel like I need to evangelize in some way. I can do that with my wife in various ways but the kids are tough because kids under 8 years old and under just don’t understand “my church has the fullness of Christian faith”.

Anyway, any thoughts would be helpful.

 

[1ke]

I’ve heard the book When Only One Converts is good. Perhaps it will have some insights for you.

 

[twf]

Its a difficult situation. You, as a Catholic, do have an obligation to raise your children Catholic…yet, as a priest will tell you, you can’t do this in secret behind your wife’s back. It needs to be a mutual decision. You can encourage, exhort…but you can’t force. Try your best to find common ground. Try to introduce your wife and children to “non-offensive” Catholic spirituality. For example, my Evangelical wife would never join me in reciting the Rosary…I wouldn’t even dare ask as doing so would upset her. Yet she has, on occasion, joined me in reciting the Divine Office. What can she object to? Its primarily Psalms and other Scripture.
You should definitely sit down with a priest in real life and talk this all through.

 

[kingston1]

Hey there. In same situation. I am interested in answers here. It has struck me that maybe the conversion of one to catholic as is our shared case is a way to heal this divide. We may disagree but we love our children and our wife (or husband). And if we love then we accept and if we accept then we grow… I find it kinda cool there are others in the EXACT same position as me. Not that others have to struggle but that there are others who can understand this type situation. Like going to church alone when your family is at another church. It sucks but I wouldn’t not convert for anything. Maybe in 20 or 30 years they will understand.

 

[Gliggle]

My advice would be to be completely honest - and make a narrative - simplify things of course, but I think you can tell them. Tell them the story about how you agreed to raise them to be Baptist, maybe highlight how important it was to both you and your wife at the time, tell them that you have since changed your Church, because of something hat happened to you, or that you learnt (make it a grand story! Kids love stories), however, highlight to them that the core beliefs are exactly the same, so that their own faith is not shaken.

As to how much you tell them about the details of your faith and beliefs, I guess you need to go through it with your wife first, so she doesn’t feel like you are undermining her. If she really wont let you share anything individual to your faith, then I would just focus as much as possible on what the two faiths have in common. In particular, prayer - you can make sure you all pray as a family together every day, and the love you bring from the sacraments will do its work even if you cannot say any words upon it.

 

[KnitNut]

I feel like I need to evangelize in some way. I can do that with my wife in various ways but the kids are tough because kids under 8 years old and under just don’t understand “my church has the fullness of Christian faith”.

…I’m not sure that the “My church is better than Mommy’s church” approach is going to win you any points with your kids or your wife. Reread what you wrote:

I don’t want to bash my wife’s faith in any way but at the same time I want to impress on them the importance of mine.

See that “but” in there?

Both of your faiths are important, from the family’s perspective. This may be a discussion for both of you to have, with her minister and then with your priest. As you note, you’ve up-ended the family with this…let’s not continue to worsen the division and put the children in the middle of the parents’ dispute.