Question for adult converts regarding their RCIA sponsors

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Didi

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I am honored to be a sponsor this year and am wondering what type of support most converts are looking for in a sponsor.

What did your sponsors do that you liked and appreciated?

What do you wish he/she would have done but didn’t?

I’m very excited about my faith, but don’t want to overwhelm.

Any feedback is most welcome!
 
I like for a sponsor to accompany me on any trips or anything related to the RCIA process. I also like a sponsor to be readily available to answer questions or just to hang out. 🙂
 
I’ve sponsored a few folks through the RCIA process. Each person has different needs. The main thing is that they feel ccmfortable coming to you with questions. You don’t have to have all the answers, but help them find the answers you don’t know.

I’m also guilty of “Sponsor Spam.” I warn the folks I’m sponsoring from the get go that they will be getting e-mails from me a few times a week with articles of things I run across that I think might be helpful to them. I also try to enhance whatever they learned in the previous class with these e-mails which people really seem to appreciate.

Finally, my wife and I will have the person over for dinner a few times duing the year just to get better acquianted and share our own faith journey. We’ve made some life-long friends in this process and it’s amazing to watch the Holy Spirit do His work on these folks throughout the year.

Good luck and God Bless
 
My wife is my sponsor, so I’m very blessed with the whole deal. I’m looking forward to Easter.

-D
 
I myself am a candidate at the moment. As its been said here earlier, everyone is different and because of this I think its really important to get to know your candidate so that if they do need something they will feel comfortable coming to you.

I’m not trying to discredit the RCIA here, but in my case the whole program is pretty useless to me. Mainly because I had some really tough questions, and still do. In my case I’ve pretty much learnt everything from other resources and have only brought an issue up just to make sure I’m on the right track.

The group format of the RCIA means that candidates can usually bring up an issue with the group directly rather than going through you. Your role is really to have a personal relationship with your candidate, so that if they have an issue that they would prefer not to bring up in the group, they would feel comfortable coming to you.

I think that’s the key, not to force your assistance on them, but just make sure that when they do need someone to go to that they fell happy about going to you.

All the best
Levi
 
  1. Meet them where they are. New baby? Talk about the baby. In-law troubles? Talk about the in-laws. Not like a girlfriend kind of gossip-fest, but like a sibling or a parent who is there to be supportive and a good example and lend Christian advice. What I mean by this is that a) your relationship should not discuss only apologetics and b) you shouldn’t feel like an authority figure looming over them or a chatty-Cathy friend to play with, but someone they can respect and look to for guidance while also feeling at ease around you.
  2. Be active in their lives. Know about work and home and family. Go out to eat together or invite them over for cards or offer to baby-sit the kiddos one afternoon a month for them to have couple time. Be like family. I don’t mean that this is a daily commitment, but they shouldn’t feel like they see you at a weekly RCIA meeting and only affiliate you with church, either.
  3. If they are well versed in apologetics and you are not, don’t hesitate to say, “I don’t know the answer to that. But I will find it for you!” and get back with them in a timely manner with the answer you promised.
  4. If they are not very forth-coming with apologetics type questions, work them into the conversation. Do a craft activity with the kids for the holiday and explain to the whole family the Catholic customs and beliefs surrounding the holiday, or have them over to eat on Friday and explain why you are eating fish (or cook a vegetarian meal to showcase that they don’t have to eat fish) and say, “You know, there is a lot of confusion on why we once had meatless Fridays, and what the rules are today, but here’s how it works…” Overall, find a way to make sure they are being explained these doctrines while also being shown these traditions.
  5. Introduce them to a wide range of Catholic customs but don’t make them feel obligated to participate then or on a regular basis. They do not need to say the rosary or go to adoration to be “good Catholics,” but they do need to know about it. They don’t have to wear headcoverings or attend a TLM or an Eastern Catholic liturgy. But these are things you can mention as being a part of Catholicism. Perhaps a discussion on all sorts of devotions, customs, history, liturgies, etc could lead into them saying which they would be interested in trying in the future.
  6. Don’t take the little things for granted. Explain the details. Why do you dip your hands in the holy water when you enter church? How do you make the sign of the cross? Why do we stand and sit and kneel? What is going on during each part of the mass? How do they hold their hands for communion? Exactly what words are being said by the clergy and the congregation during mass? What should they do if they aren’t in a state to receive communion? What’s the red light mean? Why are there statues? What was Vatican II? What do certain Latin words mean? What is written on the Eucharistic Host? On and on and on. Perhaps suggest a small notebook for taking notes during mass so they can ask questions later. And maybe go on a private tour of the church to show the different parts and what is done. A lot of this will be done with the group, but you need to do some of this one-on-one, too, so they feel comfortable with asking questions. (Again, work in Catholic customs. When you enter the sanctuary, use the holy water. When you walk by a prayer corner, kneel and say a quick prayer. Let them see how it is done without feeling pressured.)
  7. Go into in-depth study of the different rites they are doing. Trace them historically. Show them the beauty of what they are doing so they don’t just go along with rote memorization.
  8. Encourage frequent confession. Better to start them off right! Perhaps you could meet at church for confession then go out to a weekly or bi-weekly meeting from there. (OK, Saturday at 6 is fine. I need to go to confession then, so why don’t we just meet at church and head out from there?)
  9. Show them Catholicism in action on a daily basis. For this, you must be a living example. Soooo… Don’t forget to grow in your own faith! At the same time, don’t project a false image of perfection, either. You don’t have to tell them your sins, but you can be honest in sharing your own struggles and your faith journey.
  10. Introduce them to the fullness of faith with interesting discussions. For instance, show them where they can find the code of canon law online, check out a copy of a saint’s writings they might find interesting, etc. Perhaps if your candidate mentions a certain struggle, you could drop off a book with a prayer card saying you thought she might find this saint’s life interesting considering she had the same struggle.
 
  1. Talk about NFP. Openly and candidly. Even if the person is single, sterile, etc. They need to understand the beauty of this process, and of how the human body was so intricately designed by our creator. Explain to them how one can give oneself fully and completely, appreciating the wonder of God’s design, or one can instead hold back a part of one’s self through contraceptive use or lustful objectivity. Talk about Theology of the Body. In depth. Maybe get Christopher West’s book from the library or purchase it. Don’t just send them home with it! Really discuss it.
  2. I personally do not like jilted and forced conversations. Instead of “sticking to the book” or praying out of some pamphlet, really pray together for direction and guidance taking their needs into account. (If you need some help, perhaps you could read the pamphlet before they come over.) I think it is better to talk shop like you would in every day life. You might have scheduled study type sessions, but you also need casual conversation that happens to regularly discuss the faith. AND, you can be a wonderful witness by simply having them over for pizza and a movie and not talking shop at all. Remember that your actions speak volumes!
  3. Be sure and touch on as vast an amount of subjects as possible so that they will remember you mentioning it (if all you mention is a word) and they will not feel lost if it is mentioned again. For instance, private revelations, apparitions, novenas, blessed items, etc are good ones to mention so that they will remember to come back to you and ask about it if it becomes an issue to them. I don’t mean a dictionary list, but even if you don’t go in-depth on certain things, perhaps throw the words out in conversation.
  4. If your parish program stinks in any way (even if it is great in 99% of the places and stinks in 1%) then (after attempts to improve the program, hopefully) make sure that they know that the program is lacking in this area so you want to cover it better. Many people hear flat-out lies and a lot of personal “theology” in RCIA–even by clergy members. If it is deeply troublesome, do something about it! If it is constant borderline stuff, make sure they know the real scoop. Try not to disparage the authority figure, but you can show them the orthodox answer in a loving and charitable way.
  5. Explain to them what must be believed, what can be believed, etc. For example: contraception is not negotiable, angels for the most part are strong tradition, and one is free to believe in almost any God-centered origins of the world (6 day creationism, evolution, big bang, etc)
  6. Expect to remain active in the person’s life for at least the next several years after their entrance to the church. Like a big brother or parent, your role will not be so much tutorial but will be important just the same. Still eat together, play cards, whatever it is you do. Touch base with them (and not at a superficial level). Make sure they are finding ministries and further education that suits their needs. Answer questions. Etc.
  7. Make sure you are giving the person what he or she needs. The person might connect at an emotional level or an intellectual one. Might expect you to take the lead or to sort of be along for the ride. Might appreciate small tokens and might be made uncomfortable by them. Communicate with the person frequently from the start to see what is expected of the process and how it is going. You might not be able to provide exactly what the person needs yourself, but you can be the conduit for it. Does the person have marital problems too big for your scope? Offer to accompany the candidate to discuss it with the priest. Perhaps the person craves knowledge and you are an emotional person… Then get recommendations for books or classes that the person might be interested in. The other way around and you are the intellectual while the candidate is the emotional type? Find a support group of Catholic Moms or the Knights of Columbus or something to recommend to fill this need. Make sure you find a way of integrating the person into the group so that s/he feels welcome and supported and not left alone with a bunch of strangers. You don’t have to be the perfect person! You just have to know where to find the answers!
  8. Show them how to keep growing in faith once leaving RCIA. How does one subscribe to the diocesan paper, Catholic magazines, Catholic news services, etc? Which ones are good and which are liberal or traditionalist? Would they like to participate in discussion boards like this one? What websites and books are worth checking out? What programs does the church and diocese offer they might like? This is a journey, of which initiation into the church is but one of many steps. Where do they go from there? Take your time together to teach them how to do it on their own once they are out from under your wing.
 
Wow! Thanks for all the great replies and suggestions. Now I ask for your prayers that I will be a good sponsor and let the Lord lead the way.
 
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Didi:
Wow! Thanks for all the great replies and suggestions. Now I ask for your prayers that I will be a good sponsor and let the Lord lead the way.
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You will do fine. Just as the Holy Spirit has called these folks to come into the Church, He has called you to be part of that process. Enjoy the experience.
 
We have the Rite of Initiation this Sunday and everyone is so excited! We have a big group this year. I am so happy to be a part of their journey, and to continue my own growth as well!
 
I am a convert who has been a sponsor every year since I came into the church through a strange turn of events. (Normally I believe you have to wait a couple of years to be a sponsor, but the Holy Spirit brought a catechumen to me under such unusual circumstances that I was allowed to be her sponsor.)

My own sponsor was an old friend who grew up Catholic but who knew a lot less than I on a variety of teachings due to a lack of active study as an adult. At the first class she complained when she found out that she was expected to attend all classes with me and not just show up at Easter and answer the occasional question. It made me feel like I was imposing on her, but I didn’t ask for another sponsor to avoid hurting her feelings.

I would say that at a minimum a sponsor should let the candidate know that they are excited and willing to fully participate in the journey with them. Our RCIA has a full ministry team with several experienced catechists plus other people who liason with sponsors, do paperwork, run music, record the lessons for people who miss class, prepare the annual retreat, organize the after-Mass snack list, etc. I think this huge safety net of the RCIA team allows for candidates to have a good experience even when an individual sponsor might be less than ideal. They also strongly encourage anyone whose spouse or fiance wants to sponsor them to accept a second sponsor of the same sex just in case there are sensitive questions or family pressures to deal with.

I’m a laid back sponsor who invites my candidates to things at the parish like adoration, concerts, etc if they are not already active. I sit with them every week and query for understanding of lessons and extra issues. I try to make them feel welcome and a part of our parish community. I make available reading materials that I found helpful or that come to my attention.

I would say that the most important thing is to never offer your own opinion instead of giving the actual authentic teachings of the church on any subject. If you don’t know then find it out from the catechism or some other reliable source. Even your local priest may not be a good resource depending on how orthodox he is.
 
This topic is important to me b/c I feel like I am being let down in the sponsor department. I have had a great RCIA experience. Yes, I’ve learned a lot from other sources but our pastor and 2 associates have been regular lecturers and brought great insight.

Regarding a sponsor. I was the one that brought my wife and I to RCIA, yet, somehow my wife got a sponsor immediately and I didn’t. When she told her coworkers (she’s a doctor) one of them just up and said “I want to sponsor you, PLEASE!” or something to that effect.

Well, I work out of town so I don’t have any co-worker sponsors. My closest Catholic relative is a doctor herself w/ three young children so it’s out for her. Anyway, When “Rite of Aceptance/Welcome” came up and we HAD to have a sponsor, the RCIA director (a deacon) and one of the staff paired up people who needed sponsors w/ parishoners. Well, I got a guy whose wife is in the class b/c she never got confirmed. I met him the morning of the rite, where he asked me if I knew the basics about the faith (as we were lining up outside the church). He also mentioned he needed to talk to the deacon b/c he was in the airforce and being deployed. I’ve never seen him since!!! I have avoided talking to the deacon b/c I’m just in shock and kinda depressed.

My wife’s sponsor is GREAT, though. She participates actively in the discussions and it seems every few meetings or so, gives my wife a little gift such as a cross, a book, or a rosary. It means a lot to my wife. She askes us good deep questions about the church and relates her own experiences growing up Catholic.
 
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Didi:
I am honored to be a sponsor this year and am wondering what type of support most converts are looking for in a sponsor.

What did your sponsors do that you liked and appreciated?

What do you wish he/she would have done but didn’t?

I’m very excited about my faith, but don’t want to overwhelm.

Any feedback is most welcome!
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It depends on the Catechumen/Candidate, I think.

I was a highly catechized individual, coming from the Episcopal Church, and really didn’t need a sponsor to answer questions for me. Actually, my sponsor knew a lot less than I did. We were very different ages and interests, so we were not buddies or anything.

I’ve seen some inquirers who had a lot of emotional/personal baggage, real struggles, etc, and they needed much more in a sponsor than I did. And, some inquirers/sponsors just really hit it off and became lunch buddies, going to movies together, etc.

In general, I think a sponsor should invite the person to church with them, if they would otherwise be alone at Mass. The sponsor can do little things like small gifts or cards that go with the Liturgical year. For example, a small devotional on how to do the Stations (they are less than $3.00 at a Catholic bookstore) just before Lent would be a nice touch. The sponsor can just let their inquirer know that they are there if they have questions, and will get answers for them. Maybe invite them to something outside of RCIA if they seem interested and you have built a relationship. Just let their response to your intiative be your guide.

I’m sure you will do fine.
 
Didi,
I was blessed to have a great fellow who worked with me and helped guide me back to the chruch. He and his wife took us (the wife and I) under their wing and fed us a steady stream of theology and prayer. They had many EWTN, Mary Foundation tapes and as many books as you could think of. Every thursday nite we would get together and do bible studies or talk about church stuff. I was so impressed that some one took their catholic faith so serious; living it day by day. My friend Chris saved me (not that kind of ‘saved’) from committing a grave sin…getting a vasectomy.

After telling him that our priest gave his blessings on the procedure, my friend said, “I’d get a second opinion if I were you”.
At first I was offended, then confused and sad. The next day he gave me a copy of ‘Humanae Vitae’ by Pope Paul VI. This changed my life. This action cemented a bound of trust and life long friendship.

Not only did he sponsor me, but stood up for me at our Marriage Blessing. We still meet once a week!

Being a sponser can really change a persons outlook on life!

Peace to you,
Scott
 
Thanks again for all your replies. We had my catechumen and his family over for dinner following the rite of initiation and really enjoyed getting to know them all better. We’ve also started e-mailing with questions and answers and I’ve given him several books and good websites to search for more information. Last meeting I gave him a Rosary as we were talking about Mary and the communion of saints. Your continued prayers are much appreciated!
 
Just a quick update to let you know that RCIA has been such an awesome experience. When we went to the Cathedral for the Rite of Election, everyone was beaming. My catechumen went from just wanting to be anonymous (not thrilled about standing up in front of the whole Church) to not wanting to sit down when the Rite was done at the Cathedral (when they ask all catechumens to stand from each parish and remain standing)!

Less than four weeks now and they will be joining us fully through their Baptisms, Confirmations and First Communions! I can’t wait!
 
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