I guess I’m just a “late bloomer”.
I was raised in a family that went to church every sunday, confession during advent and lent, and I didn’t buck that too much. I went off to college, and found a group of friends at the Catholic Student Center. I attended Mass every Sunday even during the years that I had a [nonpracticing] Church of Christ boyfriend.
I went on a retreat sponsored by the Catholic Student Center and met my future husband. I helped him fill out his paperwork for an anullment. I helped take his son to confirmation classes. Church every Sunday. Confession once or twice a year (only confessing the sins I planned to stop doing) After way too many years, we were married in the church (same priest that I first met at the Catholic Student Center way back when).
After about a year of marriage, we found out we were expecting. I was still going to church every Sunday, but we had gotten a new pastor, and I just couldn’t adjust to him. One Saturday or Sunday, I was tired, about 5 or 6 months pregnant, and I decided not to go to Mass. After that, it was easy to skip and go when I wanted. I was about 30. Once I had a baby, it was very difficult to plan around his feeding and nap schedule, so I went even less. A year and a half later, I had another son, and it was even MORE difficult to go. Once, after Mass, I let go of the 2 year old’s hand in the parking lot to open the door and put the baby in the car, and the 2 year old dashed into traffic. I went even less often.
I remember one Mass when they were 4 or 5 or so. I took both of them to a different parish. One where I wasn’t familiar with all the exit routes. During the homily, they started fighting over a book. The poor priest just stopped cold and everyone in the church was listening to my kids scream. (We later joined that parish, my boys became altar servers, and we became friends with the same priest.) It was a long time before I went back.
Then 9-11 happened. I felt very vulnerable, and I knew if planes had hit my building that day, my final destination wouldn’t have been what I wanted it to be. My family was in church the following Sunday and with rare exception has been there every Sunday since.
I knew I needed to go to confession, and I kicked and screamed for a few months. Surfed the net to see if I could do an email confession. Tried to find a loophole that would let me back in without confession. Complained about how the church shouldn’t be able to tell me how to live my life. And then eventually gave in and went to confession one afternoon during Advent, 2001. (to the same priest that married us in 1993 and that I had met at the Catholic Student Center in 1982) I laid it all out there and was welcomed back with open arms.
About 4 years ago, I discovered the treasure that is Daily Mass. 2 or 3 years ago, the kids and I were making our annual visit to the Advent Penance Service, and my then 11 year old asked me why we only went once a year. Do you have an answer for that? Since then, I’ve tried to take them every 3 months, and lately, I slip in between times - every 6 weeks or so. I discovered Adoration about a year and a half ago. WHat a wonderful thing.
That’s my story. I’m closing in on 45 - but feel like I have been reborn. All the years that I didn’t trust God, and wanted to do things my way and resented any authority that anyone else had over my life. But now I get it. And I understand well the prayer, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.” Now when the storms of life come, they don’t seem so bad.
:yup:
:grouphug:
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