Question for all married men living chaste

[Kronos]

I’ve heard two different theories. That if you masturbate prior to sex, you last longer and the other one is (the opposite) that if you don’t masturbate, you last longer. Obviously, since the first one constitutes a grave matter, it’s out of the question. Has it been your personal experience that being chaste (no masturbation) has allowed you to last longer with your wife? Thank you very much.

 

[stbruno]

As a man in a sacramental marriage for 27 years, no one ever has asked me this question. But I will tell you this…I don’t have to resort to sin to have a wonderful intimate relationship with my wife. When I made my vows to my wife to be faithful in all ways, this is just one way. I suggest you read some of the articles on this website, so you can understand the relationship of sex and Christian marriage and not the distortions of sexual union. God created sex, why are we trying to defame it??

christianitytoday.com/marriage/features/bettersex.html

 

[Jay2]

That if you masturbate prior to sex, you last longer

The answer to this is basic biology… (don’t quote me but) it usually takes the average healthy male about 30 minutes (?) to “re-charge” and be able to ejaculate again. If he can regain an erection quickly afterward, then yes, he’ll be able to last longer until his 2nd orgasm. (But then there’s the question of where the 1st one went…)

… that if you don’t masturbate, you last longer.

I don’t think so! The sexual excitement and energy built up between “marital embraces” are usually a detriment to longevity.

I suggest you read some of the articles on this website, so you can understand the relationship of sex and Christian marriage and not the distortions of sexual union. God created sex, why are we trying to defame it??

I don’t think the OP was trying to distort the Church’s requirements/obligations in regards to sex. He’s looking for ways (within the rules) to make these wonderful sensations last longer - both for him and his wife.

(I’m not making light of marital sex here, but I find this true… funny, but true)
I read somewhere comparing men to Top Fuel Dragsters, and women to Long Haul Diesels. It’s true. Men = Lots of noise & craziness, 6-seconds of a thrill-ride, and it’s over. Engine needs a total overhaul. Women = Hard to start, rough idle, balk & complain until their “warmed up”. Once up to temp and working they’ll go all day long…

I don’t know what the Church’s word is on this, but why not try one of the several “de-sensitizing” creams/lubricants on the market? Just read the label and make sure they’re not spermicides.
Or, just get in-tune with your body, and start knowing the signs of impending orgasm… then back off… then start up again. This’ll take a lot of practice, but I’m sure you and your wife won’t mind…

 

[duskyjewel]

I don’t know what the Church’s word is on this, but why not try one of the several “de-sensitizing” creams/lubricants on the market? Just read the label and make sure they’re not spermicides.

Be careful with these…they can desensitize the woman, too, which will only make everything take LONGER! I’m not sure I am understanding why this is a concern…why is the time issue a problem? If you are suffering from true premature ejaculation, then that is an issue that can be addressed by a doctor, whether a psychologist or a sex therapist. But you will probably have to really search to find any of those who care about Catholic values and sexuality. But if it’s not really a pathological problem, I mean, there are ways to get your wife more “revved up” before intercourse begins, helping her to “get there” more quickly along with you. Or, in my very limited experience with only my one man, can’t the man keep going for a while even after ejaculation? I mean, things don’t immediately “collapse” all the way, so to speak, and intercourse can continue, can’t it? Sorry, I am trying to word this discreetly, but still get the point across…

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Thought I have NO experience, but I think JPII wrote something about the husband, taking in to consideration his own sharp ‘stimulation curve’ should take care to ‘warm up’ his wife so that she hits the top of her ‘curve’ close to when he hits his. I imagine this takes practice, and a bit of foreplay to accomplish.

 

[rjfern0407]

Be careful with these…they can desensitize the woman, too, which will only make everything take LONGER! I’m not sure I am understanding why this is a concern…why is the time issue a problem? If you are suffering from true premature ejaculation, then that is an issue that can be addressed by a doctor, whether a psychologist or a sex therapist. But you will probably have to really search to find any of those who care about Catholic values and sexuality. But if it’s not really a pathological problem, I mean, there are ways to get your wife more “revved up” before intercourse begins, helping her to “get there” more quickly along with you. Or, in my very limited experience with only my one man, can’t the man keep going for a while even after ejaculation? I mean, things don’t immediately “collapse” all the way, so to speak, and intercourse can continue, can’t it? Sorry, I am trying to word this discreetly, but still get the point across…

Thank you! Yes, I’ve been thinking this (intercourse can still occur after emission has ocurred). Duskyjewel, in your experience, how long has the man been able to continue after emission?

 

[johntkd]

The answer to this is basic biology… (don’t quote me but) it usually takes the average healthy male about 30 minutes (?) to “re-charge” and be able to ejaculate again. If he can regain an erection quickly afterward, then yes, he’ll be able to last longer until his 2nd orgasm. (But then there’s the question of where the 1st one went…)

I don’t think so! The sexual excitement and energy built up between “marital embraces” are usually a detriment to longevity.

I don’t think the OP was trying to distort the Church’s requirements/obligations in regards to sex. He’s looking for ways (within the rules) to make these wonderful sensations last longer - both for him and his wife.

(I’m not making light of marital sex here, but I find this true… funny, but true)
I read somewhere comparing men to Top Fuel Dragsters, and women to Long Haul Diesels. It’s true. Men = Lots of noise & craziness, 6-seconds of a thrill-ride, and it’s over. Engine needs a total overhaul. Women = Hard to start, rough idle, balk & complain until their “warmed up”. Once up to temp and working they’ll go all day long…

I don’t know what the Church’s word is on this, but why not try one of the several “de-sensitizing” creams/lubricants on the market? Just read the label and make sure they’re not spermicides.
Or, just get in-tune with your body, and start knowing the signs of impending orgasm… then back off… then start up again. This’ll take a lot of practice, but I’m sure you and your wife won’t mind…

I could add tons of things to this thread ( oh and not picking on this post at all i liked the joke its so true ( comparison joke that is)
anyways too many people seem to put time limits on everything, that gets to mechanical ( hence will burn you out and get ho hum) why not try the all nighter there are no rules to one time and done you know!!! many many men dont lose an erection after ejaculation due to many reasons if you are one why stop unless your wife wants you to? if you do have you ever heard of afterplay? same as foreplay keeps the diesel engine warmed up till the over haul is complete and ready to race again.anyways lose the time limits no two people are the same, quit listening to your friends whom claim they are joe studs and go and go and go for 5 to 6 hours nonstop, the focus should be on your wife and you not how long it goes, some of the most memorable times you two will talk about when you get older will be the quick sneak away times that didnt last maybe 5 minutes not the marathon hour or two encounters…if you dont believe me post the question to some men AND women whom have been married many years and have kids…or lived with parents for a while due to one of a million reasons…

my appologies if to graphic in nature
John

 

[rjfern0407]

I could add tons of things to this thread ( oh and not picking on this post at all i liked the joke its so true ( comparison joke that is)
anyways too many people seem to put time limits on everything, that gets to mechanical ( hence will burn you out and get ho hum) why not try the all nighter there are no rules to one time and done you know!!! many many men dont lose an erection after ejaculation due to many reasons if you are one why stop unless your wife wants you to? if you do have you ever heard of afterplay? same as foreplay keeps the diesel engine warmed up till the over haul is complete and ready to race again.anyways lose the time limits no two people are the same, quit listening to your friends whom claim they are joe studs and go and go and go for 5 to 6 hours nonstop, the focus should be on your wife and you not how long it goes, some of the most memorable times you two will talk about when you get older will be the quick sneak away times that didnt last maybe 5 minutes not the marathon hour or two encounters…if you dont believe me post the question to some men AND women whom have been married many years and have kids…or lived with parents for a while due to one of a million reasons…

my appologies if to graphic in nature

John

I think it’s a very good explanation, John. Not graphic in my opinion…

 

[duskyjewel]

Thank you! Yes, I’ve been thinking this (intercourse can still occur after emission has ocurred). Duskyjewel, in your experience, how long has the man been able to continue after emission?

Well, sometimes long enough to get to a second one, but usually at least 10 minutes. We are pretty young though (early 30s) so perhaps there is an age factor I am not considering here in the OP’s dilemma. I haven’t looked at his profile and have no idea of his age.

 

[Kronos]

Well, sometimes long enough to get to a second one, but usually at least 10 minutes. We are pretty young though (early 30s) so perhaps there is an age factor I am not considering here in the OP’s dilemma. I haven’t looked at his profile and have no idea of his age.

Is this usually long enough for the woman to climax?

 

[johntkd]

Is this usually long enough for the woman to climax?

Ok i just have to post again here, not picking on anyone but I tend to see this all the time,I guess I better say I havnt been Cathlic all my life and I sure was far from a saint all my life as well.

men in general seem to think women are semi mechanical, that they have a time limit before they climax. so here goes the most important thing you will ever hear about this subject…

Every woman is different, just like us men. some will climax 4 times before thier man does some wont,

Dusky = to answer something you had posted no not all men are like that and age dont seem to matter I am 40 and was Blessed as your Husband, But some men instantly “collapse” and have to recharge.

Now here comes the best advice of all !!!

I dont care if you last 5 seconds,5 minutes, or 5 hours,
the most important thing you can do is ask her what she likes,
if you cant communicate about this subject you really shouldnt be participating in it,most men think they are themselves Joe Studdly and are afraid to ask, ask her what she wants,needs etc
remember every person is different…
well i have to go to work now good luck
John

 

[duskyjewel]

Thanks johnktd, for your comments. I was going to say the same thing. All women are different, and there is no set time frame within which every woman can, will, or “should” climax. It even differs with the same woman from encounter to encounter.

And obviously, living only in my own body and only with my one husband, my viewpoint has major limits. And to be honest, many of us women have the experience that we rarely climax from intercourse. Other stimulation, either before or after, is usually needed.

This is why communication is so important, and why people say your main sex organ is your brain.