Question for moms who have lost unborn babies

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mary_s_kid

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I’ve wondered about this for a while but never thought of starting a thread on it until today. Nine years ago my third baby was stillborn at full term. The morning before we found out, I had , as best as I can describe it, a feeling like a butterfly floating up from my belly and out the top of my head. In that instant I thought “the baby is dead” but the next second I discounted it.

Later that afternoon at the hospital we found out the baby had died and we were in shock. The hospital bereavment counselor came into our room and one of the few questions she asked at the time was if I had felt anything that seemed the baby’s soul had left me. I’m not sure that if she didn’t ask me that question if I would have remembered that butterfly feeling earlier in the day. I’m certain that it was my baby’s soul going to Jesus.

Three years ago I had a miscarriage but did not have the same feeling. I don’t doubt that that baby is in heaven with her sister.

Any other moms out there with a similar experience? Our bereavement counselor seemed to realize this was common but I never heard anyone discuss it before.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. I have have had 2 early miscarriages, which were so difficult, but I cannot even imagine losing a full term baby girl. God bless you.

With the first one, I was told that the baby would not make it. I elected a natural miscarriage, so I waited it out. 0ne night I had a dream. My baby was telling me goodbye and not to be sad. He was on a cloud on his way to heaven. I woke up that morning with none of the pregnancy symptoms I had before and then started spotting.

PCR
 
Wow, you both have had such sweet experiences. I lost 4 babies through miscarriage and never had such an experience. My own mother passed away when my two daughters were very small and I found great consolation in that my mother was rocking my babies in heaven. She had to wait she thought longer than most of her peers to be a grandma. And now knowing she still had babies in heaven was great consolation for me.
 
I lost one through a very early miscarriage (5 weeks). I knew without a doubt that I was going to lose her the day before it happened- which I believe is God’s way of helping me cope with it. I was at work when it actually happened, and if I didn’t know it was coming I would have been a wreck in front of my coworkers.
 
WOW! You all have had “pleasant” experiences…as pleasant as a pregnancy loss can be. I have had four early miscarriages - one around 10 weeks and the others earlier (4-6weeks). With my first (the 10 week loss), I started hemorrhaging during Mass. Needless to say, I DID not feel at peace with the loss, nor at peace with God. I was VERY upset. I felt the “wetness” and left Mass to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the Church, it was time for Communion, but I could not bring myself to go, so I went out in the car and waited for my husband to finish Mass. For a long time after that, I felt alienated from God. I was a PA student doing rotations in the ER, where I was taking care of women who were doing drugs, HIV+, had multiple abortions and were pregnant again, etc. I could not understand how God could bless these women with children, when He took away the one that I wanted so badly. I have since gone to confession and dealt with these feelings, but it was not a pretty time. I am now pregnant again (due in december) and have a 2 year old, and a 10 month old.
 
When I lost my baby at three months term, the one thing that really bothered me was that I hadn’t known he had left. I asked myself what had I been doing. Why was I so busy that I hadn’t felt him leave? Did he kiss me goodbye and I was too wrapped up in my life to even notice? It’s a comfort to know that others have felt something. That it wasn’t a foolish woman’s wish. It can be felt.
 
my sister lost her first child at full term, but it was a lot her fault (she and the fater were on some pretty bad drugs and the birth defects were justtoo much). Her second child thank God (litterally), is complety healthy, and her husband (different guy, the first is dead of hepatitis and alcholism for all we know) is a great guy.
 
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RCMom:
WOW! You all have had “pleasant” experiences…as pleasant as a pregnancy loss can be. I have had four early miscarriages - one around 10 weeks and the others earlier (4-6weeks). With my first (the 10 week loss), I started hemorrhaging during Mass. Needless to say, I DID not feel at peace with the loss, nor at peace with God. I was VERY upset. I felt the “wetness” and left Mass to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the Church, it was time for Communion, but I could not bring myself to go, so I went out in the car and waited for my husband to finish Mass. For a long time after that, I felt alienated from God. I was a PA student doing rotations in the ER, where I was taking care of women who were doing drugs, HIV+, had multiple abortions and were pregnant again, etc. I could not understand how God could bless these women with children, when He took away the one that I wanted so badly. I have since gone to confession and dealt with these feelings, but it was not a pretty time. I am now pregnant again (due in december) and have a 2 year old, and a 10 month old.
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I have never lost a child, to my knowledge. (I did use ABC before returning to the Church, so I may have children waiting for me in heaven). But, I can imagine that your feelings are very common and would be hard to overcome. I’m pregnant now, and I just don’t know how I would deal with a still birth. I, too, would find it very hard to see women who clearly would rather not have their children, women who’ve had abortions, and women who abuse their children, knowing how badly I want this baby inside me to be birthed. It bothers me now, knowing how much these children need their mothers love.

I hope you’ve found peace. Congratualtions on your two healthy children and on your pregnancy. God bless you. :blessyou:
 
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josieg:
When I lost my baby at three months term, the one thing that really bothered me was that I hadn’t known he had left. I asked myself what had I been doing. Why was I so busy that I hadn’t felt him leave? Did he kiss me goodbye and I was too wrapped up in my life to even notice? It’s a comfort to know that others have felt something. That it wasn’t a foolish woman’s wish. It can be felt.
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Wow, exactly how I feel…I’ve lost two children and maybe more from being on BC for so long…

My first miscarriage, I was sobbing horribly on my bedroom floor, asking God, WHY? I actually got pregnant on my honeymoon…really we were not ready to have children, especially my husband. Anyway, I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I had a overcoming sense of peace and I heard a voice directly in my ear say…“NOW YOU KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN”… now who spoke to me? Who laid a hand on me? I have no idea…

Mary, I am so sorry for your lost.
 
daughter helped a non-Catholic friend through this devastating experience, and through this relationship ultimately the wife, then husband and other two children eventually joined the Catholic church (they had been no religion before), the wife told me the reason was the only people she knew who expressed the belief that the baby she lost was a real person capable of knowing his parents’ love, and God’s love, was her Catholic friends.
 
I wrote on an earlier post how consoling I found it when I knew my own mom would be able to ‘rock my babies’. But the whole picture was not always this; when I lost the first two before I ever had one I was very angry with God and said why, why, why. My brother married after me and had two children before I had one. I found that extremely difficult especially knowing how happy my mom was to be a grandma. She actually cried more than I after the first miscarriage. But then by the time I finally carried my oldest daughter to term, my sweet mama was sick with cancer.And then she passed away right after I had another daughter about 3 years later. Then I miscarried again twice and was never able to have anymore. But I guess the big life lesson for me was just how much God loved me for me and not my ability to have children. I had my sense of worth all mixed up in my inability to have kids. Later my husband and I went on to adopt kids and help found a small private independent Catholic school. So I believe all those students are my kids in a way. Once there was an article in Catholic World Report by Archbishop Chaput and he basically said God calls all women to motherhood whether it be physically or spiritual. There is great comfort in that thought.
 
I lost one of my twins at 22 weeks. My experience was with my older son, just 2 at the time I was pregnant. I used to point to my belly and say baby, and he would laugh and say babies. I would correct him and say baby but he would just laugh at me. Then we found out he was right…it was babies!!! Just before I lost the twin I had some complications like preterm labor and I was dialating so my doctor put me on bed rest. I laid there with my oldest son…playing, talking etc. One day I was feeling very sick and I thought I had the flu. I ended up being admitted to the hospital and they put me on the ob ward. I kept telling my doctors that it felt different and I wasn’t feeling one of the babies move and I felt like something was “missing” the doctors told me that sometimes babies don’t move around for a few days and I shouldn’t worry. I never felt “back to normal” when I went home my son and I were talking and he seemed so sad. So I pointed to my belly and said “babies” because that would always make him laugh. He looked up at me and that so so sad look I will never forget and said, “No, baby.” I said no babies…he just laid his head down on me and cried. Next dr’s appointment they found out that one of the babies had died. I was so crushed! Worse yet, I felt bad because I knew my son already knew, and he was hurting. Every ultrasound I had from that day forward the doctors would comment on the position of the living baby. He was always reaching out and trying to touch the other baby. One doctor actually left the room crying and he couldn’t even speak to me for 2 years it bothered him so much. I was troubled by my first son knowing but now it comforts me that my child didn’t pass unnoticed by anyone. Both of my sons knew their sister before she joined God in heaven. I was angry at the world when I lost my baby…God, the Doctors, the horrible people that told me it was “God’s will” and the even ruder people that would say, “ewww you mean you have a dead baby in there?” The one thing I learned was never to say it is God’s will to someone who is hurting. I may never understand or know why God took my baby to be with him, but I do know it was somehow for the best. At the time, you can’t expect anyone to accept that. Anyone who has ever lost someone close, whether it be a baby, or anyone else, needs time to heal and grieve before coming to accept that God’s ways aren’t clear to us but they are always best. Now I just say I am sorry for your loss, would you like to talk about it? And then leave it up to them.
 
My sweet Meghan Catherine would be 20 going on 21 just like her brother Joe. Meghan died before birth. When I lost sweet Meghan my doctor and myself, had no idea it was twins. I still felt pregnant, doctor thought I was nuts until he heard along with me Joe’s strong heartbeat. 5 months later I gave birth to a healthly little boy. But I never will forget my daughter.
 
I lost two babies. One was 4 months into pregnancy and the other was a bit earlier.

The first was a troublesome pregnancy from the beginning and the doctor gave me shots and put me to bed. I still lost him. Doctor said is was a boy baby.

I do not know about the second one.

At any rate, a very good Priest friend took me through a healing service. He asked me to name my two babies, Michael and Pat. Pat because it could be for a girl or a boy and then released them to Jesus. We celebrated a Mass, just Father, me, my husband and a few family members. It was the most healing experience I have ever been through.

When I was going through treatments for lung cancer last year, I asked both Michael and Pat to pray for me. I am sure they did.
 
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