Question Involving Sexting

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Defender23

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I have a more personal question, so I hope it is not offensive in any manner. It’s not quite about ‘sexting,’ but something similar.

I joined a Catholic dating website a few months ago in order to try to meet a good Catholic mate. I ended up talking to someone online last night. We were having a nice conversation, and then I just complimented her about being very attractive. We ended up getting more flirty, and we ended up talking about a fantasy in which we were kissing each other. We didn’t describe anything more than kissing, but we were talking about passionate things and mentioned we were very aroused and alluded to more physical things. Part way through, I realized that it was not a good thing to be doing, but I didn’t feel as if it was mortal sin. (I should note that I did not ‘physically act’ on any thoughts).

Today, I woke up and I have been worried about the possibility that I might be in mortal sin because of the whole ordeal. I really regret it now and am quite repentant, but I am still unsure as to whether or not I’m in mortal sin. I prayed over it in the morning, and felt as if I was being a bit too scrupulous - that I had sinned, but not entered the realm of mortal sin. But I have still been worried about it all day, off and on.

I am certainly going to confess this the next time I go to Confession, but that won’t be until next Saturday. But I would like to determine whether or not I am in the state of mortal sin or whether I’m being too scrupulous - I’d rather not spend the week knowing that I am cut off from God!

Could anyone offer summer advice as to whether I’m in mortal sin or not? Any advice would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you so much and God Bless.
 
If this is grave matter(which can include passionate kissing and fantasizing of such) , you certainly didn’t know about it at that time. At least, that’s what I gather from you post. That’s key part in understanding whether or not you committed a mortal sin. (i.e. Did I know or think what I was doing is gravely contrary to moral law at the time it happened?) Honestly, it seems like you both got caught up in each other’s attraction. But you are making the right move by going to confession.
 
I have not found any sort of patristic, scriptural or authoritative document or otherwise which states that a single person passionately kissing a person that they are considering marriage with is a mortal sin.

If you have such a document, then please, send it to me.

To the OP, I would say this:

Stop worrying. If it bugs you so much, confess before you receive next. The fact that you’re asking this indicates that your heart is in the right place, and while the “officialness” of whether or not you’re in a state of grace may be questioned by some of our stricter posters, I would recommend that you not stress about it. Mortal sin is a matter of the heart. If you’re repentant of this sin, just confess it and forget about it.
 
You sent this question to Father Vincent Serpa and he responded. You really need no further direction. His advice is pretty solid… and anything else is just fishing for a comfortable conclusion or condemnation neither of which this forum can honestly provide… May God’s peace be with you… teachccd 🙂
 
Wet Catechumen. From what the church is teaching.It is a sin to kiss pasionately and get each other aroused delibertely wheather you are engaged or not. That is for marriage and marriage only. St Thomas Aquines said no touching below the Neck.
The Priests are still teaching the same thing today.

Antrim
 
Thank you very much everyone for your posts, I sincerely appreciate it. It has been very helpful. God Bless!
 
To the OP,

I wouldn’t worry about it. Man, if just talking about kissing is a sin we are all in big trouble.

What happened is the way of boy, girl things. You dont have to learn it, its built in.

You should be commended for not getting deeper. A - leads to B - and then C; before you know it, your at F. Good work for not acting out.
 
The weekend is close - if anything you could go to Confession and talk to your priest about it … just a thought.
 
Hi jegow and YipYupYep (lol nice name), thank you very much for the posts, I appreciate that. I will definitely be going to Confession, and also thank you for the kind words. I’m feeling much better now, sometimes I’ll worry about things too much haha. Have a great day, God Bless
 
Defender23 said:
I have a more personal question, so I hope it is not offensive in any manner. It’s not quite about ‘sexting,’ but something similar.

I joined a Catholic dating website a few months ago in order to try to meet a good Catholic mate. I ended up talking to someone online last night. We were having a nice conversation, and then I just complimented her about being very attractive. We ended up getting more flirty, and we ended up talking about a fantasy in which we were kissing each other. We didn’t describe anything more than kissing, but we were talking about passionate things and mentioned we were very aroused and alluded to more physical things. Part way through, I realized that it was not a good thing to be doing, but I didn’t feel as if it was mortal sin. (I should note that I did not ‘physically act’ on any thoughts).

Today, I woke up and I have been worried about the possibility that I might be in mortal sin because of the whole ordeal. I really regret it now and am quite repentant, but I am still unsure as to whether or not I’m in mortal sin. I prayed over it in the morning, and felt as if I was being a bit too scrupulous - that I had sinned, but not entered the realm of mortal sin. But I have still been worried about it all day, off and on.

I am certainly going to confess this the next time I go to Confession, but that won’t be until next Saturday. But I would like to determine whether or not I am in the state of mortal sin or whether I’m being too scrupulous - I’d rather not spend the week knowing that I am cut off from God!

Could anyone offer summer advice as to whether I’m in mortal sin or not? Any advice would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you so much and God Bless.
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My dear brother, I am amazed at the depths of legalism involved in your understanding of your thought processes, your urgess, your feelings expressed in conversation and your desires all resulting from human sexual attraction. You are beautiful and so is your date. Your sins - that rebellious part of you have been wiped out by Jesus Christ Himself, and it is an insult to Him that you should be in such a quandary about your normality. Relax - let Jesus embrace you and stop worrying. Your view of yourself is probably due to the neurosis inflicted on you by your parents, the ‘sick’ society we live in and a complete misunderstanding of the bloody death of the Saviour of the world. In times of the Afghanistan war, drug cartels, tsunamis, earthquake tragedies, hunger and disease, inequalities amongst peoples and the exploitation of the poor, do you really believe God is going to smash you to smithereens. Christ Jesus is supreme and pulls us all out of the mire, even those we make ourselves. Your concern about your behaviour proves that you do not wish to offend God and God knows that and the words ‘mortal’ ‘venal’ sin do not apply to the amazing grace that God lavishes upon us. We are all being changed and God, the Father, the Potter Himself is involved in this process. He will make you new. He looks at you through His Son and sees only love and purity. Please forgive yourself. It’s satan that wants you to squirm over our petty sinfulness and bad habits - God in His Son raises us above the mountain tops and sours like an eagle with us in his claws. God Bless you and keep the Faith!
 
It sounds as if you really want to do the right thing, and you have a very sensitive conscience, which is a very good thing. And you should definitely listen to your conscience.

I found this in regards to the definition of mortal sin:
Q. What is the difference between a mortal sin and a venial sin?
A. For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must exist at the same time.
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  1. It must be of a grave matter;
  2. It must be committed with full knowledge that it is a mortal sin;
  3. It must be committed with full consent. [Full consent means to do it “voluntarily.”] (C.C.C. # 1857)
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Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: ‘Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’ The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger." (C.C.C. # 1858)
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“Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God’s laws. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.” (C.C.C. # 1859)
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“When the will sets itself upon something that is of its nature incompatible with the charity that orients man toward his ultimate end, then the sin is mortal by its very object… whether it contradicts the love of God, such as blasphemy or perjury, or the love of neighbour, such as homicide or adultery… But when the sinner’s will is set upon something that of its nature involves a disorder, but is not opposed to the love of God and neighbour, such as thoughtless chatter or immoderate laughter and the like, such sins are venial.” (C.C.C. # 1856)
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catholicdoors.com/faq/qu06.htm

You have to answer the questions as to whether you engaged in this behavior of your own free will, and also if you knew at the time that it was wrong, because it most definitely is wrong. Even though it seems that you and your friend did not get graphically explicit with one another, it definitely sounds like you crossed the line, using each other for a sort of “mental masturbation.” You seem to be very repentant for what you have done, so you can be sure God has forgiven you, but you also need to get to confession as soon as possible and vow that you will never repeat this sin again, because if it wasn’t mortal sin this time, it could easily lead to it in the future. As I am sure you already know, any time sex is used outside of marriage and/or for purely personal satisfaction, it is mortal sin.
 
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