Question of sin

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marytheresa

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I’m new here and need the answer to a question. This may not be the right place to ask and if not, please direct me.

My husband left me and is living with another woman. I know if I were to have sexual relations with him while he were still in the adulterous relationship, that I too would be guilty of adultery. What is the standing on the children being forced to spend time with the father and his paramour? They do not wish to participate in his adultery, however the state laws see it differently.

Can anyone tell me what the Catholic church says about this issue? thank you
 
Well, don’t take my word for it, but I imagine your kids can’t commit adultrey since its only seeing him, so my guess is they could visit him.

I’ll pray for you-
 
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marytheresa:
I’m new here and need the answer to a question. This may not be the right place to ask and if not, please direct me.

My husband left me and is living with another woman. I know if I were to have sexual relations with him while he were still in the adulterous relationship, that I too would be guilty of adultery. What is the standing on the children being forced to spend time with the father and his paramour? They do not wish to participate in his adultery, however the state laws see it differently.

Can anyone tell me what the Catholic church says about this issue? thank you
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Perhaps I am a bit on the slow side…but 1. were you married in the Catholic Church? 2. I assume you are divorced and if so have you gotten an annulment? 3. If no annulment then you are still married in the eyes of the church and I would assume could have sex with him (please correct me if I am wrong). I would sake to say that he is the one sinning.
 
Dear Karin,
why am I missing something here. Why would you want to have sex with this toad of a fornicating husband? He has made his bed; let him lie in it with her.

As to the children; well, no one can make a child see the other parent if the child doesn’t want to. How old are the kids? Because, beyond 10 years old a child certainly has the right to be consulted and to make their own mind up about it. The older the child, the more so.
 
Cockney Clive:
Dear Karin,
why am I missing something here. Why would you want to have sex with this toad of a fornicating husband? He has made his bed; let him lie in it with her.
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Oh man:rolleyes: …I was not implying that she wanted to sleep with her “toad” husband was just stating that if marriage not annuled she could because it was still a valid marriage etc…
 
i guess i wasn’t very clear…NO i do not have sex with my husband. yes, we are still married and always will be in the eyes of the Church.

my question is really about my son14. He is being ordered by the court to go to stay with his father at the girlfriend’s house. He does not want to go as he sees the situation as ammoral, against the Church teachings and reprehensible.

My question is if he were to go there would he also be guilty of sin? Societal norms find adultery OK. The Church does not.
 
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marytheresa:
i guess i wasn’t very clear…NO i do not have sex with my husband. yes, we are still married and always will be in the eyes of the Church.

my question is really about my son14. He is being ordered by the court to go to stay with his father at the girlfriend’s house. He does not want to go as he sees the situation as ammoral, against the Church teachings and reprehensible.

My question is if he were to go there would he also be guilty of sin? Societal norms find adultery OK. The Church does not.
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No,he is a 14 year old boy…why would he be guilty of this sin he is not taking part in it is he??? Seeing as he does not want to go visit his father perhaps you should re-visit this in court…he is old enough to make his wishes known to the judge and have them taken into consideration.
 
Also if you are still married why not seek a civil divorce along with an annulment…then perhaps your son would not feel as bad spending time with his dad?!?
 
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marytheresa:
My question is if he were to go there would he also be guilty of sin? Societal norms find adultery OK. The Church does not.
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He’s not guilty of sin just for visiting.

Luckily I know very little about these things, but why is the court involved anyway? I’m naive about these things, so I have to ask whether that implies there was a civil divorce?

That’s all I could figure, because if he just up and moved in with his girlfriend and the court thought your son should be involved in that mess, then that is yet another data point that shows how messed up the laws and courts have become.

Didn’t there used to be some sort of standards on what was considered “best for the child?” This just sounds weird. It seems like I’ve heard of men losing custody when they brought a girlfriend into their own houses because of the moral implications. I guess we’ve given up on morals entirely? :confused:

Does your son want to permanently disown his dad, or is it just that he objects to this situation? Maybe he can minister to his dad, always being patient and loving, and leave it in the hands of the Holy Spirit.

Again, I can’t see how the boy would be sinning in this situation. The rest of this post was just my thinking out loud.

Alan
 
Just to clear things up, and not a comment on what you should, or should not do. You or your husband could not commit adultery if you had sexual relations with each other, as long as you’re married in the eyes of the Church. He appears to be the only one in a state of mortal sin.

Also, regardless of what others have said, your son does not sin by seeing his Dad. He’s still his Dad, and regardless of what everyone here has said, unless he is abusing him, then there should be no road-blocks, even if he is a scoundrel. Rember the fourth commandment still applies, even if he is a ‘toad’.

Everyone is quick to judge the adulterous husband and promote a spirit divorce, followed by a declaration of nullity. Also, it appears everyone is quick to separate the children from their father. I’m not defending him, or his actions, but perhaps a spirit of reconcilliation should be promoted first. Sometimes, an adulterous spouse is just a symptom of other problems, that could be resolved. After all, this is a forum of Catholics, not attorneys, who feed on the destruction of marriage, and line their pockets with the assets of destroyed families. Attorneys earn no fees when a marriage is reconciled, so they will fan the flames. As Catholics, shouldn’t we do what we can to promote marriage? Is it not possible that this marriage could be saved?

Marytheresa, I will pray for your marriage.
 
Certainly, you are commiting no sin if you have sexual relations with your hubby. Sometimes even the worst marriages can be mended and if there is a possibility and you can overcome the distrust and hurt that he has caused that is wonderful. Whether you would want to sleep with a man who is also sleeping with another woman is another story.

As far as your son visiting your spouse, that is a hard call. How do the courts work this out? Did the judge speak with your son before making his decision? PErhaps you could suggest to your ex hubby that his first few visits with his son not be overnight. Maybe they could just have a few get togethers alone, so that your son could work out his anger-get his anger toward dad off his chest. There is also psychological treatment to help divorced parents learn to handle their situation. PErhaps, for the sake of his son, your hubby might agree to go with your son. Is that possible?
 
i do appreciate all the comments regarding my situation.

as far as having sex with my husband… while he is living with another woman, as long as i know he is still having sex with this other woman, if i have sex with him as well, it implies that i accept/approve/agree with the adultery and that makes me complicit in his sin. that is the standing from the Church.

my son is 14, and is not going to have sex with anyone in his father’s residence. the courts view is that adultery, while a misdemeanor, does not have much strength is determining visitation or custody. while the visitation with his father has become a moral/ethical issue, my son does not want to participate in his father’s adulterous situation.

my son does want a relationship with his father. son has told me that he has lost his faith, in that father was the moral compass for the family and the day that father walked out (we had no idea he was having an affair or that he was leaving) was the day son lost his faith.

Husband stated that he would never force son to meet the other woman but it has been 18 months and he thinks it’s time that he (son) does “the right thing”.

my attorney is petitioning the court to have a lawyer appointed for my son and we are going to modify the custody order.

the fun never ends. i have great peace from God…i pray for peace for my husband.

the marriage had its’ problems, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. husband just decided that it was easier to run away than work at it.
 
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