Question on how to deal with bringing Communion to the elderly

[carmelitenovice]

Hi:
I have a somewhat sticky situation and need a charitable way to deal with it.

My mother is in an assisted living facility. In the past (while she still lived alone), I had brought Holy Communion to the homebound in our parish, so I suppose I am still “deputized” as it were to do this.

When it happens that I go to visit my mother after Mass, I bring her Holy Communion (using the format in my copy of the Daily Roman Missal).

Up until recently, there hasn’t been a problem and my mother is truly grateful when I am able to bring her the Eucharist and I am delighted to bring it to her.

Here’s the problem:

She is now sharing her room with another woman who says she is “born again.” Yet, in passing she says she goes to the weekly Mass at the facility with my Mom and receives Communion. I asked her if she was Catholic and she didn’t really answer yes or no, just that she was “born again”. I believe she may have been raised Catholic (holy card of Mary on her wall, passing reference to having to have her head covered in Church growing up etc.) She said that attending the Catholic Mass was the only way she could receive Communion and she does indeed receive it.

The relationship between my mom and this roommate is a bit touchy (they are both just a tad oversensitive and can really blow things out of proportion). (I’m not saying I’m faultless in that regard either.) But I am hesitant as to what to do. Here are what I see as my options.

1. Simply don’t bring the Eucharist to my mother.
2. Bring the Eucharist and let this roommate also receive (after all, they do at the Mass but I seriously doubt they check the denomination beforehand).
3. Bring the Eucharist to my mom and say something on the order of, “I’m sorry, but I thought you weren’t Catholic. As Catholics we believe this is truly the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus and we are not permitted to share this Sacrament unless the other person believes this too and that it’s not just a symbol.” (Of course, when I say it, it would not come out so smoothly. Knowing me, I’d stutter and say it all badly.)

Option 3 (my preference) would probably result in a lot of hurt feelings and damage an already shaky relationship between all of us. We are all trying our best to get along. And, after all, who am I to check anyone’s Catholic credentials? Still…

And no, I cannot simply give my Mom the Eucharist when the roommate is not there – except for Mass, meals and bingo, they are both always in the room.

Any suggestions or advice? It’d really be appreciated.

God bless you all,

 

[DeepeningFaith]

I take Communion to nursing homes often so this is sometimes a problem. Basically, people in nursing homes aren’t always in their right mind. Therefore, if someone is on the nursing home’s list as being Catholic and they have confirmed that they are Catholic then I allow them to receive if they wish to. If they are on the list and say that they are not Catholic, they don’t receive and I do some investigating usually.

Your situation is different. I would have picked option 3, except you said that they have Mass there. Now I am a fan of frequent Communion however in your case, we need to handle things pastorally. If they are having Mass let’s just say 2x a month, you do not need to bring Communion to your mother or the roommate. I think this is the easiest solution. If your mother doesn’t go to Mass on a Sunday, you bringing her Communion doesn’t fulfill her Sunday obligation for her. It doesn’t work that way. Plus her Sunday obligation has already been fulfilled by the fact that…she’s in a nursing home.

Please let us know how often Mass is taking place and how often she is going. Is there a Priest at the nursing home as a Chaplain?

Pax!

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi:
I have a somewhat sticky situation to what to do. Here are what I see as my options.

1. Simply don’t bring the Eucharist to my mother.
2. Bring the Eucharist and let this roommate also receive (after all, they do at the Mass but I seriously doubt they check the denomination beforehand).
3. Bring the Eucharist to my mom and say something on the order of, "I’m sorry, but I thought you weren’t Catholic. ,

or option 4
tell her, I have only been given permission by my pastor to bring communion to my mother. If you will call our pastor and ask if I may be delegated to also bring communion for you I will be very happy to do so, since I am already coming here.

or option 5
check at the front desk, which you probably will be required to do so anyhow if you will be bringing her communion and see if she is registered as Catholic, and if she has asked for or has someone from a parish bringing her communion. Or hang around for the weekly Mass and check with that priest, and get his permission to bring her communion.

My guess is you are right she probably is Catholic, but she may be in need of confession (make sure your mom also gets this opportunity if and when she wants it, again speak to the priest who does the Mass) so you really should have the permission of either her pastor or the visiting priest, and unless you are already a “regular” EMHC you need it as well.

My guess is the other poster is also correct, the dear lady may be mentally a tad confused about her status. It is most likely that she is well disposed to receive, but it is not your call, so do play the I need permission card, it is the correct response and will also enable you to do her an act of charity which will improve roommate relations.

 

[zab]

My mother is in an assisted living facility. In the past (while she still lived alone), I had brought Holy Communion to the homebound in our parish, so I suppose I am still “deputized” as it were to do this.

You may do things differently in your parish, but I’m not quite understanding your situation, that is, if you are still an active minister to the homebound or if you have just gotten permission to bring Communion to your mother only. From your post it seems that you are only assuming that you still have permission. In our parish we have 7 routes. And , for example, if you brought Communion to your mother on route 4, you would not be designated to take Communion to your mother if she was transfered to route 7 (when she moved into the assisted living facility) unless you have been given permission to do so. Someone else has route 7. Also, we were not allowed to just add anyone to our route. That person or a family member must call the parish office to request that Communion be brought to them. You could tell the women that you do not have permission to bring Communion to anyone other than your mother and that she must call the parish office to have it arranged for Communion to be brought to her. You might also pass that information to the person in charge of the ministry to the homebound and they may check into it and explain to the person if neccessary why they may not be brought Communion.

 

[Garyjohn2]

Well, if they are both registered as Catholic, we can’t know whats in their hearts and if they are in a state of grace. This is a tough situation. I am not a EM, so I can’t say for sure, but I think your duty is to deliver the eucharist to those who can’t ordinarily receive it, and not to discern if they are worthy. I mean this in the nicest way!

I mean, if she flat-out told you “I don’t believe this is the realy body of Christ, and I’m no longer a Catholic” then that is a different situation. But if not, I don’t know if there is a real reason to probe her, as we are not probed when we receive.

That’s just my 2 cents! Good luck with your situation!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

What did your pastor say when you asked him about the situation?

Perhaps he could make a visit to your mother and her roommate, visit with them, and hear their confessions if appropriate.

 

[zab]

Well, if they are both registered as Catholic, we can’t know whats in their hearts and if they are in a state of grace. This is a tough situation. I am not a EM, so I can’t say for sure, but I think your duty is to deliver the eucharist to those who can’t ordinarily receive it, and not to discern if they are worthy. I mean this in the nicest way!

I mean, if she flat-out told you “I don’t believe this is the realy body of Christ, and I’m no longer a Catholic” then that is a different situation. But if not, I don’t know if there is a real reason to probe her, as we are not probed when we receive.

That’s just my 2 cents! Good luck with your situation!

I was a minister to the homebound for 14 years. We had at least two annual meetings where things and situations were discussed like how to…and what to do if…
So the question of whether or not she should bring Communion to the other women would be answered by stating that she needs to call or have a family member call the parish to have it arranged for Communion to be brought to her.

 

[carmelitenovice]

Thank you for the quick, insightful responses.

To answer your questions: The assisted living center has weekly Mass (on a Thursday afternoon if my memory serves correctly). I generally am unable to be there (the facility is over an hour away from my home and I tend to visit early in the day. Attending the facility’s Mass would make it difficult for me to attend to other things here at home.)

I was not bringing my mother the Eucharist to fulfill her obligation. I guess I was thinking of it more in terms of bringing grace. It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t bring it because Mass takes place there. (To my knowledge my mother always goes, but I am not 100% positive about that. It may be the case (as it is when they say the Rosary) that she occasionally stays in her room, preferring to watch the Mass on EWTN. A whole 'nuther issue, I’m sure.)

It also never occurred to me that I needed to ask permission to bring Communion to my mother. Is this a sin that I need to confess? I can assure you that I am doing my utmost to treat this whole situation reverently. Also, who’s permission do I need? My mother does not live in my parish – as I said an hour away. I assume I need to find out the parish that serves this facility and contact it?

The facility is not a Catholic facility per se, so there is no chaplain. To my knowledge, the weekly service is indeed a Mass, with a priest (rather than a communion service led by a layman). To the best of my knowledge, a priest comes to hear Confessions during Lent/Easter, to which my mother goes. I would assume the priest would hear confessions during his weekly visits if asked.

BTW, my mother has short-term memory issues and I believe the roommate also has some mental health problems. However, as far as I can see, they both have enough presence of mind to know the significance of Holy Communion.

Thank you for guiding me through this. I didn’t realize I had opened such a can of worms.
God bless,

 

[zab]

**
Also, who’s permission do I need? My mother does not live in my parish – as I said an hour away. I assume I need to find out the parish that serves this facility and contact it?

---

That’s a good question. I would ask permission of her pastor (before she went into the facility) and/or permission of the pastor of whose church that you are taking the Eucharist from.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

It also never occurred to me that I needed to ask permission to bring Communion to my mother.

How do you get the communion to bring to your mother? Do you present a pyx at Mass? Does the priest get it from the tabernacle for you? It seems like there’s at least some kind of implied permission if the priest is giving you a Host to take to your mother.

 

[puzzleannie]

Thank you for the quick, insightful responses.

I was not bringing my mother the Eucharist to fulfill her obligation. I guess I was thinking of it more in terms of bringing grace. It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t bring it because Mass takes place there

.
the PP poster was right, receiving communion or attending Mass when the priest comes on Thursday does not fulfill her Sunday obligation, but she has no obligation if she can’t get out so that is not an issue. Yes you are quite right is an act of charity to bring her the Eucharist consecrated at the Sunday Mass you attend, and in fact, that is the original reason for reserving the sacrament, to be taken directly to the sick and homebound. And yes you are fine, you said you already have permission from your pastor to take her communion, and that you do it properly, so that is no problem.

And you are quite right, the awkwardness only arises because of the roommate and uncertainty about her status, and you are wise to take steps quietly, without confronting or challenging her, to assure she can receive and there should be no problem in you getting permission of the priest says she is properly disposed.

Thank you for guiding me through this. I didn’t realize I had opened such a can of worms.
God bless,

not so much of a problem as all that and it is a great thing you are doing.

 

[FrDavid96]

…
It also never occurred to me that I needed to ask permission to bring Communion to my mother. Is this a sin that I need to confess? I can assure you that I am doing my utmost to treat this whole situation reverently. Also, who’s permission do I need? My mother does not live in my parish – as I said an hour away. I assume I need to find out the parish that serves this facility and contact it?
…,

To legitimately take Holy Communion to your mother, or anyone else in the assisted living facility, you must first be appointed to do so by the pastor of the parish that includes that facility. Since this is your mother’s only residence, he (or another priest at that parish) is the only one who can depute you to do this. This isn’t something you can do on your own, even if someone at your home parish is making the reserved Eucharist available to you–and if it’s not the priest, that’s a whole other problem, but not “your” problem.

You, or anyone else for that matter, must first be deputed by the priest who has pastoral care of that facility before bringing anyone Communion who lives there. The proper priest would most likely be the one who is saying Mass there already, and might not be the closest priest.

 

[zab]

To legitimately take Holy Communion to your mother, or anyone else in the assisted living facility, you must first be appointed to do so by the pastor of the parish that includes that facility. Since this is your mother’s only residence, he (or another priest at that parish) is the only one who can depute you to do this. This isn’t something you can do on your own, even if someone at your home parish is making the reserved Eucharist available to you–and if it’s not the priest, that’s a whole other problem, but not “your” problem.

You, or anyone else for that matter, must first be deputed by the priest who has pastoral care of that facility before bringing anyone Communion who lives there. The proper priest would most likely be the one who is saying Mass there already, and might not be the closest priest.

And if she did get permission from the priest who has pastoral care of that facility there is still the matter of how she will get the Eucharist to take to her mother who lives an hour away.