Question on Marriage to Non-Catholic

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MadMardigan

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Hi everybody! First time post.

I have a question that’s plaguing me somewhat. I have a girlfriend who is Southern Baptist (no, not hootin’ hollerin’ kind :P) and so are her parents. Well, they aren’t too keen on Catholics (mainly because they aren’t educated about us).

If I want to marry my gf and she remains Baptist, is that possible to do in the Catholic church? I’d like to be married civily of course, but being married in the Church is a big issue for me, and I"m afraid that if she’s Baptist, it won’t happen.

I know she’s not willing to convert either, some of that is influenced by her mom 😛

Help me out please! Any suggestions?
 
FIRST OF ALL … W E . C 👋 M E to the forum.

Yes is is possible to have a 1/2 mass wedding service in the Catholic Church.

We hope you stick around and post with us.
 
Catholics may marry non-Catholics in church–in fact, they are REQUIRED to marry in church, otherwise their marriage is invalid due to a defect of form. But in order to marry your girlfriend, you need to receive a dispensation from your bishop (such dispensations are not hard to get, and will spell out things like your promise to do your best to have the children raised Catholic).

Actually, the main thing for you to consider is the fact that you DO have different faiths. You can’t, for example, decide to let the kids “go Baptist”; you can’t have them “alternate churches” (attendance at Mass every Sunday and Holy Day is an obligation under penalty of mortal sin), you can’t pick and choose what you will celebrate from the Baptists and what from the Catholics.

Your girlfriend has to know that you won’t convert, that the children won’t convert (to her faith), that your faith is serious, that you will not use contraceptives, for example; that you will follow the faith teachings of the Catholic Church. (No meat on Fridays, etc.)

So it’s going to be very hard for her, especially once the children come. She’ll feel outnumbered, she’ll feel that it’s not “fair” for her not to have a “faith influence” on HER children, and there will be some very lively fights. And she might subtly, or even overtly, try to sway the children to her “side”.

She’ll feel “alone” going to her church. This might make her, while unwilling to convert to Catholicism, stop going to her church, and make her become non practicing in religion, or even sway her to atheism.

I won’t sugarcoat it–marrying outside the faith is really, really hard, and the success rate is not good. Catholics and Protestants now have very similar divorce rates, and the divorce rates of “mixed marriages” are even higher.

Your best bet is to find a very knowledgable, kind priest who has had lots of experience in counseling young interfaith couples. Your g/f deserves to know everything possible about what your Catholic responsibilities are (so, of course, do you); you need to know just how she feels about her faith, and whether her love for you and the children to come will be more important to her, or whether it will tear her apart).

God bless you and good luck to you both.
 
Oh, one more thing: If we have kids, she doesn’t want them to be Catholic. Now, I must admit I’m not an actively participating Catholic (yeah yeah, don’t give me grief :P) but I still would like to have my kids raised Catholic. I was, I went to CCD and I think doing that raised me well with good morals and backing.

I’d like to get the same from any children I have. Any ideas to getting around this perhaps? Maybe I can teach her more about Catholics because she really doesn’t know anything about us, just what she hears from other people, the media, and her own church.
 
I was born and raised, and yes a practicing catholic… my wife was born and raised and yes a practicing Southern Baptist… I am still a practicing catholic, and she is still a practicing Southern Baptist… we were married in May of 1978 and I had to obtain dispensation (permission) from the local bishop at the time… So you can do it.
Our 4 children are all born, and raised and yes practicing catholic.

I WISH YOU PEACE:bigyikes:
 
Any ideas to getting around this perhaps?
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I’m sorry, but there is NO WAY OF GETTING AROUND THIS.

Right there you have a clue that this marriage will probably not work.
You want them Catholic, she does not.

Neither of you could–or should–GIVE IN. Your faith is important to you; hers is to her.

While technically you are supposed to “do your best to raise them Catholic” and are no longer since 1983 required to have your partner agree in writing to raise the children Catholic, you don’t have an excuse of ignorance. . .you already know that she WON’T raise them Catholic. Going into a marriage promising that you’ll do your best to do something that you are already assured you won’t be “allowed” to do by her is disingenuous at best and dishonest at worst.

That’s because the wording of “do your best to raise them Catholic” relates more to any parent’s responsibilities, knowing that a too large proportion of children, even children raised in SINGLE faith households, “choose” to reject their faith. Unfortunately a lot of laissez faire people have taken the idea that, oh well, I want to have Junior and Muffy raised Catholic but, my spouse says no, well, I did my best, too bad, so sad, Junior and Muffy can be any old thing, we’re all worshipping the same God, etc.

You have a huge responsibility to your future children. It’s hard enough to raise faith filled children if both parents are on the same track. . .it is well nigh impossible to do it if the parents themselves disagree.

A house divided against itself will fall. Jesus knew that. . .we should too.

Listen to the Lone Ranger. His marriage succeeded because he stood his guns, and he, his wife, and his children are all benefitting from that. I venture to say that if his prospective wife had said, “kids to be raised Baptist” that the wedding would NOT have taken place. . .
 
Tantum ergo:
Your best bet is to find a very knowledgable, kind priest who has had lots of experience in counseling young interfaith couples. Your g/f deserves to know everything possible about what your Catholic responsibilities are (so, of course, do you); you need to know just how she feels about her faith, and whether her love for you and the children to come will be more important to her, or whether it will tear her apart).

/QUOTE]

This is by far the best advise. I am married now 26 years to a Lutheran. My children were raised Catholic, one is practicing the other is not (pray for her as she told us right before she went off to college this past May that she didn’t believe!)

It is not easy to be in a mixed faith Marriage! As the Catholic party you have to sign the paper saying that “you will do your best to raise the children Catholic” - now as the mom I can guarantee that it would be ever so much harder for the dad to follow through on this. The mom spends (generally speaking) far more time with the children than the dad does and if you gf is strong in her beliefs it is more than an “I believe this or that” but a way of life for her as well so she won’t even intend to undermine you, it will just happen.

My marriage has lasted as long as it has because of a number of reasons but most importanty it is because both my husband and I consider Christ to be at the center of it.

As for only the Catholic party having to sign the papers it was in effect at least in 1978 when I got married. I balked at it because I felt it wrong that I should have to sign and not two Catholic people don’t (I still find this a bit odd as I have seen many “Catholics” get married and then totally ignore the Catechesis of their children!)

I would strongly encourage you, MadMardigan, to reconsider getting married to this girl. It would only be fair to both of you to split up. You both need to find someone of your own faith. This coming from someone whose mixed faith marriage has worked but we have beat more than one statistic on what would break up a marriage 🙂

Brenda V.
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Brenda V.:
As for only the Catholic party having to sign the papers it was in effect at least in 1978 when I got married.
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It came into effect in 1970 with Pope Paul VI’s Matrimonia Mixta, although there was some sort of provisional directive dating from 1966.
 
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