Question on Racist Parents

[Iheartcoffee]

The most important thing is to find the spouse that will make you a better person and will challenge you to live your life to the best of your ability so that you will serve God as best as possible. That person may be the same race, or they may not. In the end, you will be living under the same roof with your spouse from now until the end of your life. You won’t be under the same roof as your parents forever.

It’s one thing to be concerned that you find someone with a culture that meshes well with your own, because your kids will need to be brought up with a mix of the two cultures, but it is quite another to just dislike a whole group of people. If you have found the person you should marry, and you think your two cultures will compliment each other well and you can agree on all the big issues, then marry that person. Your parents will just have to deal with it.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

So much for not knowing the different meanings of race. I will help you look it up:

race
a group of people sharing the same culture, history, language, etc.; an ethnic group:
we Scots were a bloodthirsty race then
oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/race–2

5 [countable] a group of people who share the same language, history, culture, etc
the Nordic races
He admired Canadians as a hardy and determined race.
oald8.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/dictionary/race

1. any people united by common history, language, cultural traits, etc.: the Dutch race.
   dictionary.reference.com/browse/race?s=t

b : a class or kind of people unified by shared interests, habits, or characteristics
merriam-webster.com/dictionary/race

Race is not the same exact thing as culture. You darn well know that, too.

When it comes to marriage, if someone says you marry within your race/culture/nation etc, just understand that there is a rational thinking behind it.

Whether there is any “rational thinking” behind it would depend on the circumstances, would it not?

Serious question here: are you a racial separatist?

But there are people who see everything through the prism of racism and never think objectively.

What kind of behavior would you consider racist?

What you say can equally be applied to the disparity of cult for instance. But there are people who will tell you to avoid such marriages altogether.

I hope that any Catholic would recognize the difference between marrying outside the faith, and merely marrying outside one’s skin color or nationality, etc.

The decision to bless a marriage is a choice parents are free to make. They are entitled to that even if someone doesn’t like their decision especially without even knowing their reason behind it. Period.

No, absolutely not. If a parent uses their personal biases/prejudices/hatred to determine their approval or disapproval of a child’s marriage, then they are potentially endangering that child’s immortal soul! Unacceptable!

 

[kelvinf]

Race is not the same exact thing as culture. You darn well know that, too.

Whether there is any “rational thinking” behind it would depend on the circumstances, would it not?

Serious question here: are you a racial separatist?

What kind of behavior would you consider racist?

I hope that any Catholic would recognize the difference between marrying outside the faith, and merely marrying outside one’s skin color or nationality, etc.

No, absolutely not. If a parent uses their personal biases/prejudices/hatred to determine their approval or disapproval of a child’s marriage, then they are potentially endangering that child’s immortal soul! Unacceptable!

You prove my point. Even after showing you definitions of race, you still insist on seeing race from your narrow point of view. (Typical of liberals. )

I personally have no problem with interracial marriages! What I completely disagree with, is to accuse parents of racism because they desire that they children should marry within their race. (And get used to that term because I don’t care what you think!!!) I believe marriage involves families and not just 2 people.

Even in the Bible, the reason why intermarrying (marrying someone from another nation) was prohibited (with some exceptions), wasn’t because the people came from other nations or looked different, but rather, because of the attitudes (e.g. idolatry and infidelity) of people from those nations. So everything is not racism!

You know, you come across to me like someone who believes that parents shouldn’t control their children. I drew this conclusion from your posts on some threads regarding parent-child relationship. Correct me if I am wrong. You believe that if a child refuses to go to Church for instance, then it’s just their free will and the parent shouldn’t discipline them, right?
It is relevant because I generally avoid wasting my time arguing with people with certain views.

 

[Debora123]

You know, you come across to me like someone who believes that parents shouldn’t control their children. I drew this conclusion from your posts on some threads regarding parent-child relationship. Correct me if I am wrong. You believe that if a child refuses to go to Church for instance, then it’s just their free will and the parent shouldn’t discipline them, right?

Ad Hominem

 

[AuntyP]

I understand Kelvin’s point of view to some extent. People often talk about race when in fact they mean culture. We don’t know whether the OP’s parents are out and out racists or whether they are merely concerned about their son finding a suitable partner in life. Parents aren’t always politically correct when trying to protect their children from making serious mistakes. Parents usually know their own children better than anyone, and I wish I had a penny for every failed marriage I have seen that could have been avoided if the young people had heeded their parents’ advice. Marriage can be tough enough without having to deal with cultural differences as well. Easier for the couple to start out with as few hurdles as possible. Cultural backgrounds matter in a marriage, whereas skin colour doesn’t. By “cultural” I mean religious and moral/family values.

I believe that religion is very important in a marriage because (at least for us Catholics) it is central to how we live our lives and raise our children. Where I attend Mass, there are African and Asian families in the congregation. (This isn’t America so they aren’t hyphenated Africans and Asians). They are very devout and their children are usually the best behaved. I don’t have children of my own but if I did I would be delighted to see them marry into one of those families rather than someone of my own race who respects neither God nor traditional values. Of course, one would hope that the prospective son/daughter in law had inherited their parents’ values. That said, the ideal would be for the young couple to be of a shared nationality and culture.

To the OP: When you find a suitable partner, bring her home to meet your parents and let them get to know her. Before bringing her home, make it clear to them that you expect her to be treated with respect. They should have plenty of time to get to know each other before any marriage. Once you are married, you must do everything you can to make a success of your marriage, even if that means cutting ties with your parents but it shouldn’t come to that if all involved really love you.

 

[kelvinf]

I understand Kelvin’s point of view to some extent. People often talk about race when in fact they mean culture. We don’t know whether the OP’s parents are out and out racists or whether they are merely concerned about their son finding a suitable partner in life. Parents aren’t always politically correct when trying to protect their children from making serious mistakes. Parents usually know their own children better than anyone, and I wish I had a penny for every failed marriage I have seen that could have been avoided if the young people had heeded their parents’ advice. Marriage can be tough enough without having to deal with cultural differences as well. Easier for the couple to start out with as few hurdles as possible. Cultural backgrounds matter in a marriage, whereas skin colour doesn’t. By “cultural” I mean religious and moral/family values.

I believe that religion is very important in a marriage because (at least for us Catholics) it is central to how we live our lives and raise our children. Where I attend Mass, there are African and Asian families in the congregation. (This isn’t America so they aren’t hyphenated Africans and Asians). They are very devout and their children are usually the best behaved. I don’t have children of my own but if I did I would be delighted to see them marry into one of those families rather than someone of my own race who respects neither God nor traditional values. Of course, one would hope that the prospective son/daughter in law had inherited their parents’ values. That said, the ideal would be for the young couple to be of a shared nationality and culture.

To the OP: When you find a suitable partner, bring her home to meet your parents and let them get to know her. Before bringing her home, make it clear to them that you expect her to be treated with respect. They should have plenty of time to get to know each other before any marriage. Once you are married, you must do everything you can to make a success of your marriage, even if that means cutting ties with your parents but it shouldn’t come to that if all involved really love you.

Well said!

This is what the OP actually said:

So, my mom and dad are at least somewhat racist,

What does he actually mean by somewhat racist?

Then this:

However, they believe no one should marry another who is not of their own “race”

Why did he put race in quotes?

Then I actually asked him this:

Do you know for certain that your parents have problems with people’s skin colour and not probably with their culture?

I generally do not consider one side of a story gospel. I will like to know what his parents have actually done that proves that they are racists. Has he ever brought a non-white girl home and how did his parents react?

AuntyP you said that “I don’t have children of my own but if I did I would be delighted to see them marry into one of those families rather than someone of my own race who respects neither God nor traditional values.”

I will not be surprised if someone accuses you of being a racist towards your own race.

Race, culture, nationality could be used interchangeably in certain contexts. I never thought this could surprise anyone. It suffices to refer to the dictionary when in doubt.

But the problem here is just what I have said many times: whenever some people hear the word race or if someone complains about a group of people who happen to be of a different race, then racism must be invoked! These folks just can’t think otherwise.

 

[AuntyP]

Trouble is, Kelvin, that on the internet it can be hard to figure out what people really mean. Any number of people can read something and take a different meaning from it even 'though the writer believes he has been crystal clear. People are also influenced by their own background and life’s experience, so it is best to give them the benefit of the doubt. I think in this instance, perhaps you and the OP’s parents were being misunderstood although not deliberately.

 

[Eugene]

I seriously beg to differ with Kelvinf. Why would a parent object to marriage with someone from another culture or race or desire it? I think most of because of negative perceptions/stereotypes due to ignorance of others.

I am a father of 5. My biggest desire is that my children go to heaven one day. Also that they are happily married to someone who loves the Lord and is a Christian as well.

I grew up in South Africa and fell in love with a white girl from our parish. Her parents gave us hell and on more than one occassion I wanted to just walk away. We married 16 years ago and things did change for the much better. Once her parents got to know me and my family they slowly thawed. They came to appreciate that they were fed with lies and mistruths about other races all their lives. My father in law became very proud that he is my “old man” and they love the grandkids. Before he died he trusted me with his finances and business dealings and we became good friends. He passed away sadly in 2004.

Our families have become great friends. I put all this down to love and forgiveness. Most of all I wish to say that it was due to the intercession of our Blessed Lady that we are where we are today. Every Friday my future wife and I used to go pray the rosary together at the statue of our Lady outside our parish church.

We are now married 16 years and still going strong.

Truly love will conquer all.

 

[shainski]

For me, it’s just hard to imagine someone dumping their parents simply to marry a woman outside their race. It’s not like there is a shortage of women within a given race.
I will reiterate that I believe a common ground can/shouldalways be found!

I have a hard time discussing race in these terms because it is a social construct that I don’t buy into. But, for the purposes of this thread, I will use the term.

For me, the crux of the issue falls what Kevin says right here. If your goal were to be to go out and fall in love with and marry a person - simply because she was of a different race - I think that would be a mistake.

However, if one were to fall in love with a person of a different race - then, I think it is equally disingenuous to think that one could find someone within one’s own race that would be equally fit to marry.

When we fall in love - we fall in love with the whole person. The parents will have to accept it - or they jeopardize losing contact with their child. There is no “common ground” (as Kevin puts it). Could i find a woman that has all the same qualities of the woman i love - but comes in a different color? Yes, there are lots of different women
of all races, to be sure - but that is not how people choose mates. Well - they try to have a list of traits they want in a person - but often people fall in love with someone who doesn’t have all - or even most of those traits.

If a parent feels that a child is making a grave mistake, that parent should warn his/her child of the perceived perils , but then he/she should step away and allow the child to choose his/her own life.

 

[kelvinf]

I seriously beg to differ with Kelvinf. Why would a parent object to marriage with someone from another culture or race or desire it? I think most of because of negative perceptions/stereotypes due to ignorance of others.

There could be so many reasons. It is possible that there are people who are not familiar with other cultures and have stereotypes etc. But there are equally people who have had experiences with people from other cultures and have come to the conclusion that it is better to marry within your race.

I am a father of 5. My biggest desire is that my children go to heaven one day. Also that they are happily married to someone who loves the Lord and is a Christian as well.

I grew up in South Africa and fell in love with a white girl from our parish. Her parents gave us hell and on more than one occassion I wanted to just walk away. We married 16 years ago and things did change for the much better. Once her parents got to know me and my family they slowly thawed. They came to appreciate that they were fed with lies and mistruths about other races all their lives. My father in law became very proud that he is my “old man” and they love the grandkids. Before he died he trusted me with his finances and business dealings and we became good friends. He passed away sadly in 2004.

Our families have become great friends. I put all this down to love and forgiveness. Most of all I wish to say that it was due to the intercession of our Blessed Lady that we are where we are today. Every Friday my future wife and I used to go pray the rosary together at the statue of our Lady outside our parish church.

We are now married 16 years and still going strong.

Truly love will conquer all.

It is good to know that yours finally went on well. There are many of such success stories. However, others have had different experiences even in cases where their families were completely on board.

Lo, it all boils down to this: is interracial marriage for everybody? Is every family’s experience with interracial marriage the same? Is a parent a racist for desiring that their children marry within their own race?

 

[kelvinf]

I have a hard time discussing race in these terms because it is a social construct that I don’t buy into. But, for the purposes of this thread, I will use the term.

For me, the crux of the issue falls what Kevin says right here. If your goal were to be to go out and fall in love with and marry a person - simply because she was of a different race - I think that would be a mistake.

However, if one were to fall in love with a person of a different race - then, I think it is equally disingenuous to think that one could find someone within one’s own race that would be equally fit to marry.

When we fall in love - we fall in love with the whole person. The parents will have to accept it - or they jeopardize losing contact with their child. There is no “common ground” (as Kevin puts it). Could i find a woman that has all the same qualities of the woman i love - but comes in a different color? Yes, there are lots of different women
of all races, to be sure - but that is not how people choose mates. Well - they try to have a list of traits they want in a person - but often people fall in love with someone who doesn’t have all - or even most of those traits.

If a parent feels that a child is making a grave mistake, that parent should warn his/her child of the perceived perils , but then he/she should step away and allow the child to choose his/her own life.

Regarding falling in love, I just want to stress that love is simply a choice a person makes.

I fundamentally disagree with advising someone to loose contact with their parents especially without knowing the age and wellbeing of the person. I strongly disagree with this!

In cases where a parent and child have different views, I believe they should dialogue until they both agree. Nothing a parent says is final! I cannot count the number of times my mother has insisted on something but finally backed down or me refusing to listen to her advice but finally adhering to what she was saying.

In this case, if the mom is just concerned about cultural differences and the son believes that there is nothing to be concerned about, then he can try to prove that. That is why I asked him if he has ever brought a non-white girl home. I remember when I was a teenager, it was verboten to bring a girl home. But I did and my mom didn’t send them away as she had been threatening to.

He is not going to marry a girl overnight. Personally, I always recommend at least 1 year of friendship, 1 year of relationship, 1 year of engagement, then marriage. (And it’s not too long if you start early.) All these phases should involve parents(!) (and family members where necessary). That is enough time for either side to prove their point or back away.

So in a nutshell, if he believes that there is no major issue to be concerned about the would-be girl to marry, then if he is man enough as he says, I believe he should be able to sell that to his parents. If on the other hand the parents have a legitimate concern and are bent on not blessing the marriage, then in my humble opinion, he could simply choose another girl. The sky will not fall and everybody would be happy.

 

[GraceUnderFire]

So, my mom and dad are at least somewhat racist, particularly about Spanish people. However, they believe no one should marry another who is not of their own “race” (Despite the fact we’re all just as human). I have never liked a non-white girl before, but there’s always a chance that I might eventually. I’ve always hoped I would marry a Japanese woman, for instance, as I find them very beautiful. I asked my mother what she thought about me marrying a Japanese girl, and she said she would disown me, and that “You marry within your race.”

As a result, this has got me thinking: What if I DO marry a non-white girl? My mother would resent her and treat her rather unfairly (Something that’s a danger of being associated with me in general anyway). I want my parents’ approval, but I know I won’t get it.

It’s unfortunate that your parents have such a strong preference for you to marry within your race that they would disown you. You only get one set of parents, however, God tells a man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. I happen to think that although we might be compatible with a handful of people, there is an ideal choice that God would prefer us to marry. There are several instances of God pairing strong couples in the Bible, however, He ultimately gives us free choice. If you meet a non-white girl that you feel is the best woman for you, you should carefully discern your decision. IMO, race should be one of the least concerns. If the girl you choose is a devout, faithful Catholic and YOU are attracted to her, that should be all that matters.

Catholics come in all shades, races and colors as the Church is universal. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing if people stepped outside of their comfort zones and even be open to friendships with people from other races and cultures. We may discover that there are more similarities than we think

 

[jmcrae]

So, my mom and dad are at least somewhat racist, particularly about Spanish people. However, they believe no one should marry another who is not of their own “race” (Despite the fact we’re all just as human). I have never liked a non-white girl before, but there’s always a chance that I might eventually. I’ve always hoped I would marry a Japanese woman, for instance, as I find them very beautiful. I asked my mother what she thought about me marrying a Japanese girl, and she said she would disown me, and that “You marry within your race.”

As a result, this has got me thinking: What if I DO marry a non-white girl? My mother would resent her and treat her rather unfairly (Something that’s a danger of being associated with me in general anyway). I want my parents’ approval, but I know I won’t get it.

It’s important to have as much in common with your spouse as possible. Inter-racial marriages can work, as long as both parties come from a similar culture. (For example if a white person were to marry a Black person that she went to school and Church with, who grew up in the same neighborhood, and the parents liked each other and got along well, then it would certainly work - but if they just arrived from Africa and didn’t know about snow or Christmas yet, then the challenges would likely be too much for a marriage to be able to stand.

 

[kelvinf]

It’s important to have as much in common with your spouse as possible. Inter-racial marriages can work, as long as both parties come from a similar culture. (For example if a white person were to marry a Black person that she went to school and Church with, who grew up in the same neighborhood, and the parents liked each other and got along well, then it would certainly work - but if they just arrived from Africa and didn’t know about snow or Christmas yet, then the challenges would likely be too much for a marriage to be able to stand.

Seriously?

The examples you give actually proves the points some have been making about stereotypes. I believe every African should know about Christmas. There are Christians all over Africa. I don’t know about North Africans, but you didn’t seem to be talking about Muslims since we are talking about Christian marriage. The Muslims in Sub-Saharan Africa should certainly know about Christmas! You don’t seem to be familiar with the continent.
Assuming you were talking about America, the African would actually have to teach some Americans that, Africans say “Happy Christmas” and not “Happy Holidays”.

Right, there is no snow (winter) in most parts of Africa just like there aren’t tornadoes and the like in most parts of Africa. It is inherent that an African who moves to the West encounters winter. So I am not sure how that would be a challenge in a marriage (be it between a black and white or a black and a black).

There are serious issues that people consider. I could give great examples but that’s not really what this thread is about.

 

[shainski]

He is not going to marry a girl overnight. Personally, I always recommend at least 1 year of friendship, 1 year of relationship, 1 year of engagement, then marriage. (And it’s not too long if you start early.) All these phases should involve parents(!) (and family members where necessary). That is enough time for either side to prove their point or back away.

So in a nutshell, if he believes that there is no major issue to be concerned about the would-be girl to marry, then if he is man enough as he says, I believe he should be able to sell that to his parents. If on the other hand the parents have a legitimate concern and are bent on not blessing the marriage, then in my humble opinion, he could simply choose another girl. The sky will not fall and everybody would be happy.

While you are right that a person doesn’t typically fall in love overnight - one can
become fascinated by another in one meeting - enough that he would want to pursue that relationship.

And if parents are reasonable and open-minded enough to consider that their views may not be correct - then i would agree with you.

But what does one do when one is confronted with a parent that has a view that he/she is unwilling to consider - that is so hard in his/her view. And if the son has considered his parents’ view and rejected the arguments.

It seems to me that if the parents are so hardened in their views that they will risk jeopardizing their relationship with their own child - then it is they - not the child who are making the grave mistake.

When I met my wife - on the very first night I met her - I became fascinated by something about her that I had never felt before. I wanted to get to know her better. And we did date a full year - and then had a full year of engagement. But if someone had tried to prevent me from getting to know her because of something that seemed superficial (to me) - I would have ignored that “advice”.

I would have listened. I would have tried to understand their concern. I would have pondered if their view was reasonable. But, if i felt that their views were unwarranted, then I would have gone ahead without their blessing. And I would expect no less from my own children should I be unreasonable in my assessment.

 

[jmcrae]

So, in essence, you’re telling me that if I find the woman God wants me to marry and she happens to not be white, I shouldn’t marry her to please my parents? I have to become my own man and make my own decisions – especially when my decisions are in line with what God wants me to do. It’s not a matter of “There ARE other women in the world, right?” It’s a matter of there being only one woman in the world God wants me to marry (If I am called to marriage), and I’ll be called to marry her even if my parents don’t want me to due to the color of her skin.

That’s a dangerous line of thinking.

If you are called to marriage, it is for the purpose of continuing your family line. Far from becoming “your own man” you and your wife will enter into the joy and responsibility of being the bond that joins the past to the future - your parents to your children.

There is no “wrong woman” or “right woman” - except in the sense that you must choose wisely, knowing that this bond is forever.

Of course, once the marriage vows have been spoken, she is “the one and only” for you, by God’s command.

 

[jmcrae]

Seriously?

The examples you give actually proves the points some have been making about stereotypes. I believe every African should know about Christmas. There are Christians all over Africa. I don’t know about North Africans, but you didn’t seem to be talking about Muslims since we are talking about Christian marriage. The Muslims in Sub-Saharan Africa should certainly know about Christmas! You don’t seem to be familiar with the continent.
Assuming you were talking about America, the African would actually have to teach some Americans that, Africans say “Happy Christmas” and not “Happy Holidays”.

Right, there is no snow (winter) in most parts of Africa just like there aren’t tornadoes and the like in most parts of Africa. It is inherent that an African who moves to the West encounters winter. So I am not sure how that would be a challenge in a marriage (be it between a black and white or a black and a black).

There are serious issues that people consider. I could give great examples but that’s not really what this thread is about.

Not “Christmas” the Christian holy day, but “Christmas” the day of skiing and hot chocolate, and the rest of the traditions that are unique to our culture.

I know that Africans are Christians, but I am also fairly certain that they aren’t famous skiers, and likely they have completely different customs around Christmas than we do - that’s all I meant.

 

[kmcarl56]

My parents are very racist as well. I think that it is because of the time they were born and raised more than anything ~ a time when inter-racial marriage was not acceptable either socially or religiously. I am Caucasian and married a hispanic man who I had dated for 3 years. They “disowned” me, and my parents and I didn’t talk for 2 years. After that, they began accepting him, I guess because they missed me. I must say that I really didn’t care at the time what they thought because I was so truly and madly in love with him. Later, it was more important to me to have my family’s support and acceptance. His family accepted me and loved me from day one!

And, just for some information about Hispanics (Spanish, Mexican, Latinos, etc.) as a culture, generally the men treat women like queens and with total respect, and the women put their husbands on a pedestal and treat men with total respect, especially their fathers and mothers. Family values are extremely important, just as they are in most cultures.

I agree with the other posts here with regard to reminding your parents that racism is a sin because we all look the same when we take off the skin. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God loves people with one color skin or nationality more than others. He tells us to love everyone as we love Him, and as we love ourselves. For goodness sake, Jesus died on the cross for everyone.,.,.Jews and Gentiles. I do not know one person, past or present (except Jesus) who had a choice about who their parents were, what country they were born in, what religion they were born and baptised into, how rich or poor their family was, etc.

Pray for your parents’ enlightenment with regard to the discrimination of a whole group of people based on complete ignorance of their cultures and values. For you as an individual with a Godly mind of your own and a God-given free will, marry the person you fall completely and madly in love with. What God puts together, let no man (or woman) put asunder!

Just PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY some more! God WILL answer your prayers in His own way and time. Be at peace with the decisions He calls you to make. Have peace, happiness, and joy in knowing the greatest love of all which comes from the Lord.


May God in all you do and say from this day and until eternity.

 

[Anglewannabe]

It does not matter who you marry, there will always issues.

As much as I see nothing wrong with inter-race marriages, I have to admit, it would make me uncomfortable. Not because of anything about the people, but the sad truth is, we live in a society that can be judgmental and it does bring about issues that hurt people. It is all about choosing your battles. If two people really believe they can overcome any judgement society will make about them as an inter-racial couple, then by all means, get married.

However, I suspect that in the OP’s case, it is not one issue his parents want to deal with. And it is for him to decide what to do. It is all about choosing your battles.

I grew up as a minority. I was English in a French part of Canada and got picked on left right and center. There were times I met people who had no idea I was English (since we all have the same skin colour) and made very derogatory remarks about English people. I always wished English and French had different skin colours so that they would at least know and bite their tongue.

Then the day finally came when I was old enough to leave home and move to the English part of Canada and get away from all the prejudice. WRONG ! The joke was on me. Having grown up there, I had a heavy French accent and everyone made fun of me for being French and REFUSED to believe my first language was English.

I never had a home base. So, my heart will always bleed for a child of a mixed marriage because they will never have their ‘home base’ since both sides will always see them as not being one of them.

Is it reason enough to not marry someone of a different races. OF COURSE NOT. As hard as it is, I am grateful for having 2 cultures

Angie

 

[kelvinf]

While you are right that a person doesn’t typically fall in love overnight - one can
become fascinated by another in one meeting - enough that he would want to pursue that relationship.

And if parents are reasonable and open-minded enough to consider that their views may not be correct - then i would agree with you.

But what does one do when one is confronted with a parent that has a view that he/she is unwilling to consider - that is so hard in his/her view. And if the son has considered his parents’ view and rejected the arguments.

It seems to me that if the parents are so hardened in their views that they will risk jeopardizing their relationship with their own child - then it is they - not the child who are making the grave mistake.

When I met my wife - on the very first night I met her - I became fascinated by something about her that I had never felt before. I wanted to get to know her better. And we did date a full year - and then had a full year of engagement. But if someone had tried to prevent me from getting to know her because of something that seemed superficial (to me) - I would have ignored that “advice”.

I would have listened. I would have tried to understand their concern. I would have pondered if their view was reasonable. But, if i felt that their views were unwarranted, then I would have gone ahead without their blessing. And I would expect no less from my own children should I be unreasonable in my assessment.

Right, there could indeed be a case where the parents are at fault. In this case, we don’t know the reasoning behind his parents’ stance. That is why I give the parents the benefit of the doubt.