Question! Thanks

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Emily1992

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Hi All,

New poster/lurker here. I have a question, and wanted to see what people would do. I want my husband to go to grad school, but he doesn’t want to. What would you do to convince him?
 
That depends on his reasons for not wanting to go and your reasons for wanting him to go. In general, I wouldn’t push him to go unless it was the only way for him to attain a goal that he wanted. I wouldn’t make him go because it’s something I want for him.
 
Honestly, as long as my husband was providing spiritually and financially, I would not pester him. What you can do, is pray about it. Pray for your husband, take your desires for him to God, maybe even follow the Church’s guidelines and fast on occasion for your husband. Our husbands carry so much, in caring for us. The best thing we can do for them is to intercede for them.
 
I’d accept that hubs doesn’t want to go, and I’d go myself.
I was actually in that exact situation about 25 years ago and that’s what I did. My husband and I were both happy with the outcome.
 
If the only reason is “he doesn’t want to”, there’s not much you can do about that besides demonstrating the benefits. The thing about grad school is that in less you are in education and have a job where you will be guaranteed to get more money without having to change your position if you get the degree, it IS a gamble. A higher degree isn’t typically a guarentee of higher pay or a better position. One has to weight the chances to the costs.
 
Thank you so much to everyone, for their response and insights. I appreciate it! Well, I do have a graduate degree. I feel it will enhance his professional life. Even if he doesn’t make more money, more learning/being ambitious in general, is a good thing. I also think it serves as a good motivating factor for a child (when we have one), to encourage the child to have high aspirations. Also, I think having a PhD has a nice ring to it (maybe its just me, but I reaaaally like it). Many of our friends are in grad school, and I do admire their determination (not comparing anyone to my husband, but I would like for him to get this too). As I said, I have a graduate degree, and him doing this will inspire me personally to keep striving forward in my career.

Really appreciated the advice to “Pray for him, take your desires for him to God,…and fast on occasion for him”. Will do!

Thanks everyone, and if someone has something further that’s insightful, I’d love to hear it.
 
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I don’t mean this to be harsh towards you, but I think you need to take a step back. He doesn’t want to, so that’s it. All the reasons you give for him getting a graduate degree are about you - YOUR friends’ husbands have degrees, it will inspire YOU, YOU think it’s a good motivator. The only reason about him is that it may help him in his career.

Focus on the husband you have, not the one you want to have. Perhaps he isn’t academically ambitious. He doesn’t have to be. There are many more types of ambition, and ways to be ambitious. Encourage your husband in his ambitions, and not your own. That is where you will see his determination, and that is where you will find inspiration.
 
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As Lou said, I would suggest you step back and read your whole first post. It’s all about “I have a degree, I think husband should have one too, I think it would motivate our kids, I think PhD has a nice ring to it, his striving would inspire me” etc. In short, it’s all about you.

Your husband obviously thinks differently, and his own opinions are just as important as yours in your marriage, especially when it comes to something that directly affect him. What if he said to you, “I think you should stop striving in your career, I think you should be a stay-at-home mom and a good housewife, I think that would motivate our kids by giving them the best care, and it would help me to do my job better if I had a wife who took care of everything at home, and many of the guys I know have stay-at-home wives and I really admire how their wives run their households.” I bet that would go over like a lead balloon with you. So don’t turn around and do the same to your husband.

To be blunt, if you wanted a PhD husband, you should have married a guy who already had a PhD or was in the process of getting one. You don’t marry somebody and then push them to change.
 
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Hi Gripper, it means university, but graduate degree
 
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Ok, thanks everyone for your thoughts, and taking the time to write to me. Its nice to have various perspectives, and I appreciate it. God bless!
 
It’s a university course for an advanced degree. In the US, there are three levels of university degree, and it sounds like the OPs husband has the first level, maybe even the second, but the OP wants him to continue until he has his PhD, which is the highest level.
 
Emily1992 said:
Also, I think having a PhD has a nice ring to it (maybe its just me, but I reaaaally like it).
Click to expand...
I work in higher education and while the title of “Doctor” sounds cool, it is a rigorous program in most fields.
It can also be a deterrent for future employment where an employer might find a PhD overqualified.
If you like it so much, go for it yourself 🙂
 
It’s generally a bad idea to crowdsource ideas for manipulating your spouse into doing something, and frankly, your request is especially shallow–the equivalent of wanting designer purses to show off. Please leave the poor guy alone.
 
Thanks everyone for the efforts in replying to my post. Perhaps I may have given some of you a wrong impression; If so, I apologize. I may not get a chance to review/respond further, so I wish everyone a lovely week ahead, filled with God’s presence, as we seek to walk closely with him.
 
People earn deep respect and joy in life regardless of their degree/lack thereof.
 
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