Question to those who married

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I am a single catholic who wants to get married, but feel very little hope in meeting my future spouse. I know this might sound silly to ask, but for those of you who are now married, what did you do in the meantime shortly befofr you met your future spouse? Did you pray a novena continuously until you met your now husband/wife? Anything new that you changed in you life that led you to them? Hope this question makes sense. I am just trying to add some things into my daily life.

Thank you!
 
I didn’t do anything except enter a profession where men outnumbered women 3 to 1. I have to admit this sounded good to me after having spent 4 years in an all-girl high school which made it hard to meet guys if you did not have any brothers bringing their pals home.

There were so many men at the office that any woman under 40 could “find someone”, usually quickly. One of my workmates married the girl who happened to stand in the alphabetical line for new hire orientation next to him as their last names began with the same letter. My future husband was the guy in the next cube from me who my boss told to train me for my first job.

I was actually in a serious relationship with another young man when I met my future husband, and that other relationship, although it was petering out, didn’t fully go bye bye for a few more years. The other young man had a lot of problems with alcoholism, mental illness, family dysfunction and inability to hold a job, and I know my mother was actively praying I would not marry him. I actually wasn’t planning on marrying anyone at that point and I also saw various other men for a few dates apiece. My future husband was more of a friend than a partner for some years.

“Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.”
 
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HNA444 said:
what did you do in the meantime shortly befofr you met your future spouse? Did you pray a novena continuously until you met your now husband/wife?
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To be honest I just dated until I found the one.
 
I prayed the holy cloak of St Joseph novena,it’s long but beautiful
 
I was lucky enough to met my husband when I was 18, so I didn’t have to worry a lot about finding the right one.

If I may offer you some advice when figuring out who is the right one, remember that there is no such thing as the ‘perfect’ man. You may have to make some big changes and/or sacrifices to facilitate the relationship. I had to move far, far away from my home and family, but we’ve been married for nearly ten years now and I know I didn’t make a mistake.
 
What did I do?
I actively tried to be a good person, I kept myself somewhat attractive and tidy, I took school very seriously to educate myself, and I tried to keep a sense of humor.
In short, I didn’t try to force God’s hand, I just waited. I trusted God, and he led me where I am, with a wonderful husband.
It happens when it happens.
Sorry, but that’s the long and short of it.
 
I think in some ways, it’s simply a matter of divine providence, but then again, a person ought to make some effort, as well. I don’t want to come off as a quietest. 👻
 
I don’t mean to be snarky but what I did before dating my wife was stop dating other women. Mostly. There may have been a date or two that crossed over but we weren’t technically dating exclusively at the time.

Aside from that, I wasn’t particularly looking for a wife. Maybe that’s more of a Taoist thing than Catholic. You know, the idea that you find it when you’re not looking for it. I think. I haven’t read The Tao of Pooh for about 35 years.
 
I had ended a long relationship with a girl that was never the right match before meeting my wife. I had lost a good job when my company closed its doors and I hit a crossroads in my career.

I did a 180 and went back to school. I prayed a lot for guidance and to make the right choice in my life’s decisions. I met a girl in my class and we enjoyed our time together, I didn’t have any expectations beyond that. She became my best friend and we got married.

As humans, we are notorious for being wrong about what makes us happy. We stumble into happiness, whether that is marriage for you or otherwise. My advice is to own the moment, embrace the good and the bad, and trust in God, and things will fall into place.
 
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I met my husband awhile after being told by my friend/crush that they were not interested in a relationship, and I had been pursuing that because I worried about being alone at 25. I took that rejection as a cue to focus on my relationship with God and not stress on finding a spouse, which my sisters were also pressuring me to do. So meeting my husband and having him pursue me so quickly was a wonderful surprise, and my time spent focusing on God strengthened me to lay out expectations for what I needed in our mixed relationship (he is Baptist). So, I suggest you take this time to pray, for yourself and your future spouse, and build your house on the rock to be ready for the blessing and challenges ahead.
 
But perhaps for the forever idealistic people in life, there IS a perfect spouse. Ask Saint Catherine or Therese. 🌹
 
I was a single parent for 17 years, and gave up on meeting anyone. I turned it over to Jesus, and asked him to be my spouse. Then I met my current husband. A novena sounds like a good idea; I actually wasn’t Catholic at the time, not until after we were married.
 
I didn’t do anything in particular, just lived my life as best I could. To be honest, I never “looked” for a spouse and was almost surprised to find one. 😬
michaelArc said:
As humans, we are notorious for being wrong about what makes us happy. We stumble into happiness
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Oh gosh, I couldn’t agree more. I met a guy at work and we seemed to enjoy spending time together - at work, off work, at Mass… I would have married him had he asked me. While waiting for that to happen, I met The future Husband. The two don’t have much in common, and looking back on it now I don’t think the first guy would have been as good a fit with me as the person I actually did marry. The first time that realization struck me I was like “duh” 😜
 
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