Questions about Baptism and raising a child Catholic--help, please!

[kittyglitter]

Hello, all! Not sure if I am in the right place, but I need some help regarding Baptism and raising a child Catholic. Any advice welcome!

I am Catholic school educated, went to Mass EVERY Sunday growing up, and was married previously in the Catholic Church, then received an annulment. My practice of Catholicism has dwindled to practically nothing over the years (I am 39 years old), and I have had some issues with the Catholic Church regarding their stance on marriage annulments (seems to me that you shouldn’t have to pay $350 and explain to a priest, who has never been married, why your marriage did not work out). I also have a problem with the whole priest/altar boy situation and how that was covered up by the Church. Going WAY further back than that, I wanted to be an altar girl as a child and that was just unheard of then–but I was told not to question the Church and so on.

I am currently married (outside the Church, of course) to a non-practicing Baptist. We are expecting a baby soon, and I am unsure what to do regarding Baptism of our baby. Although my husband has no issue with Baptism in and of itself, he does not like the idea that Baptism for Catholics is to cleanse original sin–he says babies are born innocent. I agree with that somewhat, but the Catholic in me feels that Baptism in the Catholic Church is a necessary thing.

Which brings me to my second question–if we do have the baby Baptized in the Catholic Church, we are promising to raise her as Catholic, and I am not sure we will do that. My husband would convert, but I don’t know that it is right for us. I sometimes think that we should explore other faiths and see if there is something that feels right to both of us, but then the good old guilt from thinking about leaving the Church comes in, and I am back where I started.

I am thinking about speaking to a priest about this, but wanted to get some opinions as to whether I am just being stubborn one way or another–I sometimes feel that I would be blindly following something I am not sure is right, BUT sometimes feel that the issues I have regarding the Church are minor, and just reflect rebelliousness that I had growing up and I should just get over it! OR, do I have valid concerns that should be addressed? I would also like to add that it is important to me that our baby be raised with some religious background-Catholic or otherwise. I would appreciate thoughts and opinions on this situation. Thanks!

 

[Feedmysheep]

To put it shortly, yes, you are being stubborn. However, stubborness is part of our fallen human condition. Take it from me- it took me YEARS to embrace the Church’s teaching on the pro-life movement. I had being stubborn down to an art form.

Find a knowledgeable, orthodox priest with whom you can confide. Ask him your questions, and don’t hold back the hard ones. Be open and honest with your feelings of confusion and stubborness. He, better than anyone on this forum, can help lead you into communion with Holy Mother Church.

Last of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby!

FMS

 

[Matas]

I think that you are being stubborn too. But that’s normal. I’m stubborn too. That guilt-feeling about leaving the Church might be the Holy Spirit talking. I’m not saying “for sure,” but you ought to reflect on that.

As for the problems that you have with the Church…why let the bad apples spoil it all for you? Those bad priests aren’t the Church. They rejected God by their actions. Since you went to the trouble to express your difficulties here on this forum, I believe that you are responding to God. He’s calling you back with open arms. The Church is still here, and there is so much good offered to us there.

Find a good orthodox priest, and make an appointment with him to talk about these things.

 

[pyropam]

Hi,
I’m so glad you posted here. First, let me say that I’m a new convert (Easter 2007) so if I say something wrong, someone please correct me…

Our priest will baptise a baby of any denomination. He offered to baptise my grandson in the hospital. The baby had been born 3 months too early and we were unsure if he would make it.

Baptism is so important! It is needed! So just make sure the baby is baptised. Since most other religions don’t baptise babies, you will probably need to go to a priest. Go and see one soon!

Also, get back in touch with the Church today… RCIA classes are available all over the place. Call a local parish and join the class. You will be so glad you did.

Take your husband along. He can learn about Catholicism, it doesn’t mean you or he have to join.

God Bless you on your Journey!

 

[puzzleannie]

Which brings me to my second question–if we do have the baby Baptized in the Catholic Church, we are promising to raise her as Catholic, and I am not sure we will do that. My husband would convert, but I don’t know that it is right for us. I

If you are not going to raise the child Catholic you may not, under canon law, have her baptized Catholic. You must make that promise, which is in the most solemn context possible, as part of the sacramental rite in front of God, his priest, and the whole people. If you do not intend to keep that promise, do not make it.

Your husband would not be asked to convert and indeed he should not unless and until he is convinced the Catholic Church is the one true church founded by Jesus Christ, protected by the Holy Spirit, containing the fullness of truth.

Your first step, and you have the right instinct to want to learn more, is to first learn all you can about your own faith before exploring other religions. You have many mistaken ideas which are getting in the way of your understanding. Your idea on what annulment is for example is way off base, and no one properly explained the rules on altar servers for another example.

God bless you, and may you find as many have before you that the arrival of this first baby is not only the immense blessing from God in herself, but also the vehicle and catalyst for your return to the Faith and the inexhaustable graces and riches waiting for you in the sacraments of Jesus Christ.

 

[KCT]

and I have had some issues with the Catholic Church regarding their stance on marriage annulments (seems to me that you shouldn’t have to pay $350 and explain to a priest, who has never been married, why your marriage did not work out).

It’s more than a marriage not working out. It’s determining if the marriage was a valid marriage in the first place. The Church takes the sacrament of marriage very seriously. —KCT

 

[THurifer2]

From the sounds of your post it appears that you really do not have much of a grasp of what Catholicism is. The annulment comment by another poster and your “altar boy” statement lead me to believe you are what I would call a “cultural catholic”

I am pretty certain that you cannot have your child baptized unless you intend to raise the child Catholic…since you are not a practicing Catholic it seems pretty slim that you would do that. I do however invite you to return home to the Church. Jesus Christ founded the Catholic Church…scheduling a confession and getting your marriage validated would be good starters.

You post also doesn’t make sense…you said you had your first marriage annulled. WHy would you do that unless you planned on getting married in the church? and you said you were married outside the church?

 

[YADA]

Thurifer is correct…you are culturally catholic…

You are right that you must promise to raise your child catholic…unless you are ready to attempt to re-kindle your own faith there is no reason to baptize your child…it is on the basis of your faith [and the god parents] that the child is baptized and welcomed into the Christian community…if you have no faith…

The annullment fees are just to cover the costs of the tribunal process but no dioccese ever turns away a person for financial need…the fees could have been waved if they were a hardship for you…

And as for your comment upon the Abuse Scandal…have you read the papers lately? You would have to get off the front pages but the public school system has been in the papers…many teachers have been accused of sexual abuse [sexual contact, rape, molestation…etc] and they are quietly allowed to quit…they move … new town, new state, continue teaching …more abuse… Yes, I know, you thought this was just a “catholic” problem but the truth is ‘no’…sad to say but the numbers of abuse by school teachers far exceed that of priests…does that give us a pass…NO WAY!!!..but you must keep perspective…this is not an issue that is unique to the church, it is not related to celebacy, it is not a catholic problem…And I speak as a survivor of sexual child abuse … it is a horrific affront to the well being of children, I know…This is a societal problem… Time to let reason rule emotion

Please take the time to learn your faith as an adult with life experience…you are an adult now and will soon have the precious life of your child to care for The spiritual well being of this small person will be a concern along with the health and education you may also be contemplating…you and your husband will probably want to get your own spiritual lives in order first so you can be on the ‘same page’ as they say! The child’s baptism can wait until you are ready…there is no expiration timeline… takes them time to learn to roll over, talk and walk!!!

Seek out a Returning Catholics program or RCIA…they are wonderful experiences if you invest the time…whether you ultimately Come Home or not…