Questions about forced celibacy within marriage

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Questions about “forced” celibacy within marriage

Hello, all. I apologize if this topic has been addressed elsewhere, but a search of the forum did not yield a definitive answer for me.

My wife has developed a chronic pain disorder called interstitial cystitis (IC). This necessitates the use of many drugs to control the pain, urgency, etc. that are symptomatic of this little-understood problem. These drugs are of the type that she would not be able to safely take them and get pregnant.

So, we cannot allow her to get pregnant for right now. However, I do not imply that I intend to use artificial contraceptives. My question is, basically, is it against the teaching of the Church for us to practice other forms of sexual activity that do not culminate in vaginal intercourse?

I am not Catholic yet. I have been studying the faith for over a year and was raised marginally Catholic, though never baptized. I intend to start the RCIA program in August at my local church. However, my wife has not progressed in this matter in the same way or rate as I, and she is still in favor of contraceptives.

I’m trying to do what is right, obey my conscience and not destroy my marriage at the same time. What is the right thing for me to do in this scenario from the teaching of the Church?

Also, if the answer is as I anticipate, does anyone have any How-To-Be-Celibate-In-Marriage tips?!?
 
As far as I know, you can’t have anything. All sexual activity needs to culminate in vaginal intercourse. And no artificial contraceptives. So NFP, i.e. full vaginal intercourse on infertile days, or nothing.
 
Chevalier is right. Do the drugs she’s taking make Natural Family Planning ineffective? If not, this would be the best way to go.
 
To my knowledge the drugs do not mar the effectiveness of NFP. It is more of a matter that it cannot be allowed to happen for right now in her case because she would not be able to cope with the symptoms w/out the medication during the pregnancy.

I do not need to be convinced of what the responses have said, but does anyone know of something in black-and-white that I can refer my wife to?
 
If you are asking for a reference for why you can’t engage in other acts, I would suggest “Good News for Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. it is an easy read, not at all preachy and is full of citations to the primary documents if you need more in-depth sources.
 
Hmmm. That sounds like what I need. I was reading some of the excerpt on Amazon and it sounds like it might cover the topics I face and give me some encouragement, too. Thanks!
 
I have dealt with this in my marriage and the book will definitely help,I was clueless before I read it.
 
I would contact my local priest and have talk to him about this issue. He is the best to advice you and your wife. Or he can refer you to someone who can advice you.
 
My husband and I have to deal with a similar situation. I have a chronic illness where it would not be a good idea to become pregnant at this time.

At first, I was absolutely FOR contraception. I was deathly afraid to become pregnant and thought that the Pill was the safest way to go. Dumb dumb dumb!

My husband is Catholic and I almost am, but wasn’t even close at the time. I selfishly insisted that he go against his beliefs and allow me to contracept. But, as I opened up to his point of view, I began to see how unfair it was for me to demand that of him.

I agreed to look into NFP for him. The more research I did about NFP and contraception the more I realized that NFP was far safer for my body and good for our marriage.

Reading Christopher West’s Good News About Sex and Marriage was a turning point for me. I highly recommend it for you and your wife.

Malia.

p.s. because of my illness, we do have prolonged periods of abstinence in our marriage.

The Church teaches that all acts must be completed in the woman so abstinence means absolutely no sexual activity for us. At first it was very difficult on my husband (we are both still fairly young). But it is more about attitude than physical desires. It has become easier to deal with over time.
 
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joe_cuban:
My question is, basically, is it against the teaching of the Church for us to practice other forms of sexual activity that do not culminate in vaginal intercourse?
Yes.
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NFP can be used conservatively, and does not require complete abstinence even when using only post-ovulatory days.
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I thank everyone for their replies and recommendations. I think I will order a copy of West’s book, soon.

I was also reading in Radio Replies Vol. 1 last night about this topic. I wonder, after a woman loses the ability to have children, either due to illness or menopause, is it then valid for a husband and wife to have sex whenever they want?
 
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joe_cuban:
I wonder, after a woman loses the ability to have children, either due to illness or menopause, is it then valid for a husband and wife to have sex whenever they want?
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Yes, it is. They have not deliberately frustrated the possibility of life and therefore may engage in the conjugal act at any time.
 
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