Questions around the decision to veil

[Kei]

Wow, God sure loves you. Surely you have much potential for growth with such suffering being given you.

 

[zosch]

It’s really disheartening that you function on the assumption that wearing a head covering equates to piousness.

 

[stpurl]

I’m curious why you would take a headcovering that way. I mean, many Jewish women wear headcoverings in public, Muslim women wear headcoverings, heaven knows lots of ‘secular’ women wear ballcaps, headbands, etc. in public, on "Derby Day’ or at the Triple Crown races you see women wearing gorgeous hats, plenty of women in certain geographical areas (much of the South, for example) wear hats in public, women of a certain age wear them, women undergoing chemo wear them. . .

Yet in a Catholic church if you saw a woman in a veil–something very common in French/Italian/Spanish cultures–possibly a woman wearing the same veil her mother or grandmother had always worn–you would just assume that she was only doing it to show how full of pride she was?

You know, to me that says an awful lot about an ingrained bias that many women in this country have managed to ‘ingest’ in the last 50 years or so, and that’s sad.

In a country that touts diversity and in a Church where people sing, “All are welcome”, this automatic assumption of sinful motives to people based purely on appearance is extremely disheartening.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

Everything we do at mass is public- kneeling in prayer, receiving communion, lining up for confession etc. so to say that we shouldn’t do certain things in public at risk of worrrying that some people might judge it the wrong way…

Yeah, but you just made my point. Almost EVERYONE kneels, receives communion, lines up for confession, etc! And if you wore a mantilla or veil to a Latin Mass, you would find many others doing the same. But–at least in the churches I have gone to around the world–wearing a veil would make you stand out. It’s unique. We also had some woman come to Mass for about a year dressed very oddly (sort of Renaissance Fair wench type of outfit) and carrying a two-foot crucifix. She always sat in the front row so no one could miss her. I think she was probably a bit crazy. Or maybe a lot. Who knows.

I’m not “offended” if someone wears a veil or carries around a two-foot crucifix, I just think they have issues. Just like if I dressed in a clown outfit, or came in a bikini. Whatever my motives might be, the effect would be to draw attention to myself. And personally, I think that should be avoided.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

something very common in French/Italian/Spanish cultures–possibly a woman wearing the same veil her mother or grandmother had always worn–you would just assume that she was only doing it to show how full of pride she was?

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. We’re not talking about France, Spain, or Italy–although when I’ve gone to Mass in those countries, I’ve never noticed women in veils. I’m simply stating a fact: if you wear a veil in a typical US church, you will stand out. And yes, I will think that’s your goal–standing out. Just like if you showed up in a fur coat with a diamond necklace. People can do what they want of course, but I can also think what I want! Works both ways!

 

[nightshade]

I just think they have issues.

I am so sorry you feel this way.

 

[LisaB]

What an interesting mentality. Saying grace in a restaurant these days also makes you stand out. Should we avoid it then to prevent someone from assuming we are doing it to show off?

 

[Erikaspirit16]

Should we avoid it then to prevent someone from assuming we are doing it to show off?

Yes. A couple weeks ago I was at a family reunion dinner at a large restaurant–I was the only Catholic, the rest were from a rather small sect of anabaptists. At all the previous dinners they had a private room, and they made a big deal about saying grace. Fine with me. But two weeks ago, they couldn’t get a private room, so we were in the main dining room. The leader of the group said we would dispense with grace because it wouldn’t be appropriate. He was right!

 

[zosch]

If saying grace in the middle of a restaurant might make other patrons uncomfortable, then that is the problem of the patrons, not those saying grace.

If wearing a veil during Mass might make another parishioner uncomfortable, then that is the problem of the parishioner, not the one wearing the veil.

It’s very unfair to inflict your own fear of judgment on others, especially when it comes to harmless and personal forms of glorifying the Lord. In that way, you become judgmental. And why you would be that way unapologetically, I simply do not understand.

 

[Francis]

What an interesting mentality. Saying grace in a restaurant these days also makes you stand out. Should we avoid it then to prevent someone from assuming we are doing it to show off?

Your right ,we can always say the grace before meals ,even privately ,or as a family ,at times some may not say it in a group, but we can always at least say it by our self individually

Luke 12: 8 “And I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before others, the Son of Man also will acknowledge before the angels of God; 9 but whoever denies me before others will be denied before the angels of God.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

In that way, you become judgmental. And why you would be that way unapologetically, I simply do not understand.

Well, for example, you are judging me. Pot calling the kettle black??? Why are YOU that way???

 

[zosch]

I’m absolutely not judging you. I just feel really disheartened and sorry that you have this discomfort with veils, and other harmless shows of faith.

 

[thelibrarian]

You mention that you are having hardships/discomfort surrounding the move and that’s what you left with. Could it be that unless you grew up seeing women in your family wear veils at church, you have a small desire an outward sign of mourning - a “look - I am suffering?” Have you considered reaching put to find volunteer opportunities using your church as networking got that to find connection in your community. You said you felt the move was right…God works in God’s time - even if it has not gone the way you thought

 

[DeniseNY]

It seems to me (i.e., personal opinion) it smacks of lack of humility (“I wear a veil. I’m better / more pious / more pure… than you are.”) At least that’s the message I would receive. It may or may not be the message you want to send, but you should be aware there are people like me out there who will take it that way.

I don’t veil, but for women that do, I don’t think their decision has anything to do with me or what they may or may not think of me. It’s their own personal decision. I think you’re projecting your own negative opinions on veiling onto those who choose to veil.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

It seems to me (i.e., personal opinion) it smacks of lack of humility (“I wear a veil. I’m better / more pious / more pure… than you are.”) At least that’s the message I would receive.

Seems a very uncharitable assumption to make. Why do you think you receive this message?

I’m not “offended” if someone wears a veil or carries around a two-foot crucifix, I just think they have issues.

Well… that’s an unfortunate statement…

But two weeks ago, they couldn’t get a private room, so we were in the main dining room. The leader of the group said we would dispense with grace because it wouldn’t be appropriate. He was right!

It’s not appropriate to pray in public?! Why?

It’s very unfair to inflict your own fear of judgment on others, especially when it comes to harmless and personal forms of glorifying the Lord. In that way, you become judgmental. And why you would be that way unapologetically, I simply do not understand.

Amen. I’m at a loss for words.

 

[Mi_Rose]

Wow so many attacks on someone who expresses her opinion. She is not the only one who feels that way.
As for me I don’t care whether women cover their heads or not.

 

[nightshade]

I haven’t attacked or seen an attack against anyone. This is a discussion forum. She stated her opinion and we are all politely disagreeing. That’s part of a discussion forum - agreement and disagreement.

 

[DeniseGalvan]

You have truly hit something here… I have to thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart for bringing this possibility to my attention. I think what you are suggesting is absolutely possible. I am going to pray and meditate on this idea. Truly, truly, thank you @thelibrarian. By chance are you a psychologist or have an interest in the topic? I think you are very intelligent and observant for picking up on this.
God bless!