Questions: non-sacramental marriage

[merne9]

Hi, my brother is getting married but not in the church. I need to know if he would be living in sin? Is that mortal sin? If Yes, does that mean that all people in the world in non-sacramental marriages are living in mortal sin?
I have heard that legal married couples need to live “as brother and sister” while they’re in the process of receiving the marriage sacrament.
Does that have any exceptions? I have also heard that once they have children together they don’t have to live “as brother and sister”
Thanks!

 

[Corki]

Hi, my brother is getting married but not in the church. I need to know if he would be living in sin? Is that mortal sin?

If you brother is Catholic and marrying outside the Church, that would be gravely sinful.

If Yes, does that mean that all people in the world in non-sacramental marriages are living in mortal sin?

No, most of the people in the world who are in natural marriages (non-sacramental) have that type of marriage because one or both spouses are not baptized. Those are valid marriages and not sinful.

I have heard that legal married couples need to live “as brother and sister” while they’re in the process of receiving the marriage sacrament.

That is something that the couple should discuss with their priest.

Does that have any exceptions?

Sure, for example, if there are no children involved, their priest may tell them to live apart rather than as brother and sister. And, as noted above, is one is not baptized, they don’t need the marriage to be sacramental to be valid. It must, however, be valid in the Church if one of the spouses is Catholic.

I have also heard that once they have children together they don’t have to live “as brother and sister”
Thanks!

Actually, the whole “brother and sister” exception is** because** of the couple having children. It is deemed better that they stay together in the same household for the sake of the children rather than separate and then work out the convalidation. Otherwise, if they are not validly husband and wife, they shouldn’t be living together as if they were.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Yes, if your brother is Catholic, he needs to marry within the laws of the Church. You, or your parents, should urge him to talk to a priest and marry validly.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Hi, my brother is getting married but not in the church. I need to know if he would be living in sin? Is that mortal sin?

For a Catholic to get married outside of the Church (and without the permission of the church), is a grave matter. To declare that someone has committed a mortal sin is a little trickier, because one can only commit mortal sin if they have full knowledge that their action is gravely wrong, and if they fully consent to the sin. If he does know better and is fully consenting, then yes, it is a mortal sin.

If Yes, does that mean that all people in the world in non-sacramental marriages are living in mortal sin?

No it does not. Only baptized Christians can have sacramental marriages - all other people can have perfectly valid, non-sinful, non-sacramental marriages. That’s not to say all people’s marriages are non-sinful. Adultery is still wrong. Multiple marriages are still wrong. But the only people required to be married in the Church are Catholics. The fact is that because we have the fullness of the truth, we are held to a higher standard. Because we have the sacraments available in their fullness as Catholics, we are required to make proper use of them.

I have heard that legal married couples need to live “as brother and sister” while they’re in the process of receiving the marriage sacrament.
Does that have any exceptions? I have also heard that once they have children together they don’t have to live “as brother and sister”

I can’t tell you exactly what a person’s priest would counsel them, and that is what I would advise them. But if you think about it logically, it makes sense. If you are in a sinful marriage (with the main sin being having relations without truly being married), then wouldn’t it make sense to do what you can to avoid committing more sin? So if you are in the process of receiving the sacrament, wouldn’t it make sense to wait to have relations until doing so is no longer sinful? In what scenario would committing mortal sin be a good idea - considering what the cost of mortal sin on the soul is? I can’t see how having children would make the mortal sin of sex outside of marriage no longer a bad idea. The grey area that does make sense to me is whether a couple should live together or separate, or whether they should sleep in separate rooms or the same. I suppose there might (?) be grey area in the case of a couple where one spouse wants to avoid further mortal sin, and the other strongly disagrees with living chastely. In cases where there is risk of a disagreeing spouse leaving, and in particular when there are children involved, it would seem especially important to talk to a trusted priest, and receive counsel on the best way to handle that situation.

 

[1ke]

Hi, my brother is getting married but not in the church.

You do not say if both parties are Catholic, whether he is practicing his faith currently, or whether your brother has had an appointment with his pastor to go over what must be done for a valid Catholic marriage.

So, what you really need to do is encourage your brother to make an appointment with his pastor to discuss his impending marriage.

I need to know if he would be living in sin? Is that mortal sin?

Catholics are required to follow the marriage laws of the Church. If they do not do so, that is grave matter against the sixth commandment and the precepts of the Church.

It is possible for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony if the Catholic follows all the laws established by the Church. There is a specific process for receiving permission to do so.

If Yes, does that mean that all people in the world in non-sacramental marriages are living in mortal sin?

You are confusing two different things.

A sacramental marriage is simply a valid marriage between two baptized people. A natural (non-sacramental) marriage is a valid marriage between two unbaptized or one baptized/one unbaptized party.

If a marriage is valid it is either sacramental or natural. Nothing sinful about a valid marriage.

An invalid attempt at marriage means there is no marriage at all, for example a Catholic marrying outside Catholic form without dispensation.

I have heard that legal married couples need to live “as brother and sister” while they’re in the process of receiving the marriage sacrament.
Does that have any exceptions? I have also heard that once they have children together they don’t have to live “as brother and sister”
Thanks!

All of these things are best handled through a discussion between the couple and the pastor.

Encourage your brother to make an appointment with his pastor.