Questions on "The Good News" and "Love and Responsibility"

[searching06]

I’ve read where other folks having issues with what the CCC teaches on sex and what is/is not allowable have read these and found them helpful. My question is - are there just spiritual answers in there? Granted, they are aimed at couples understanding what the church teaches and why. Guess what I am trying to figure out is if there are other answers there.

A long while back in another thread someone mentioned these books and something called “Naked Without Shame”; one poster mentioned (paraphrased) she found out that it is OK to make love to her husband/give pleasure to her husband. I think (with a big question mark) I would have less trouble accepting what the CCC teaches if my wife were not so focused/afraid, consciously and subconsciously, of going too far in doing other things, to the point where I feel things are pretty much one sided.

Anyone else out there ever had issues physically loving their husbands - as in no real foreplay/afterplay on him, mainly just him making love to you and then intercourse - and found answers or guidance in these books that it is OK to make love to your husbands and physically make them feel good, too?

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi searching;

Have you read Love & Responsibility? It is a remarkable book, and I recall Pope JP2 specifically speaking about men and women ‘enjoying’ the marital embrace, and how that is all part of God’s plan for sex, as well. The key to a great sex life within a marriage, is not in creating obstacles and looking at God’s ‘directions’ as a hinderance. But rather applying those directions, and redirecting our own tainted views of sex towards His. Just a realignment of how we view sex, to His, if you will. God wouldn’t have made something so pleasurable, if we were not supposed to also have physical enjoyment from it. But, again–in my own awakening, I can attest that my dh and I had a tainted view of sex, largely from the culture in which we live in…where everything is gimme gimme gimme, and no wants to give back, or take responsibility. Sex is really not a ‘right,’ it’s a gift…but God cautions us to unwrap the gift with some guidelines, those boundaries should create a better sex life, not stifle it.

I will say that both my husband and I want to give one another pleasure, and in Love & Responsibility, it is discussed in great detail how a man and woman should view one another, during the marital embrace. But, also that it is more than alright to derive pleasure from the marital embrace…God cares about us that much! God’s only word of caution is to follow it in His way. When we look at sex as merely a way to be gratified, or if we look at it as a way to gratify another, only–we are missing the full point of what God has in mind for married couples.

I would have a heart to heart with your wife, searching–and maybe read the book together. I can imagine that perhaps she is worried because she doesn’t have a clear picture of what you both should be doing either…so, together, you can help one another.

Have a merry Christmas! I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Vivienne]

I really think that The Good News about Sex and Marriage would answer a lot of your questions (and your wife’s). It is a great combination of both spiritual and practical answers. It is written in a Q &A format - so you can skip to the areas that you are both struggling with. (although I would encourage you to the read the whole thing as well) It is very straightforward; Christopher West doesn’t beat around the bush or make you guess at what he might mean. It is very frank and even a tad graphic at times. But I think that is more helpful than hurtful.

My husband and I read it before we got married - as well as studying the Theology of the Body - and it REALLY helped us understand sex within marriage, etc…