Quitting my Job

[ExGratia]

I am having an ethical struggle. I am to be married in April and will be leaving my low paying job. I work in an office where it is only the business owner and me (I’ve been there one year). When I became engaged in September, she immediately asked if I’d be quitting. Taken off guard, I said “no”. Due to very recent changes in my fiance’s work, we’ve decided I will be likely be quitting shortly before our marriage. My boss is planning a vacation that will possibly interfere with the time we would be able to take our honeymoon (July). She assumes that even if I am no longer working for her that I’ll fill in when she wants time off. Since we will immediately be TTC, we want to take advantage of the opportunity to go on a honeymoon! Is it wrong of me to keep my boss in the dark until I put in my notice? BTW, my boss knows I am very traditional, but she has extremely different values which make it difficult for her to relate. I worry that not “being there for her” will push her even further from Christianity (she is a practicing homosexual who dabbles in Native American spirituality). I don’t want to anger her but know that I must put my future marriage first. My future husband works very hard, long, grueling hours and my continuing to work would mean we wouldn’t see each other for a week at a time (not good for newlyweds!.) Thank you for any and all advice.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It’s not your responsibility to “save” this person from her non-belief. Even if you were a perfect Christian, it is unlikely that YOU could convert her, it is the Holy Spirit who leads a person to Christ. So do let go of that unnecessary concern. You can pray for her, but it’s not your job to lead her to Christ.

The other issue is not giving her advance notice for your resignation. That’s a bit trickier. I assume, since you said your position is low-paying, that you are not essential to the operation of the business. In that case, I do not believe you owe the business anything more than a normal notice. I understand that these days, once someone resigns, the business usually releases him or her immediately, so be prepared to lose your job at once when you give notice. I cannot even recall the last time I heard of anyone actually being given a 2 week notice, or continuing to work once they gave a 2 week notice. They are usually immediately escorted from the property in the company of a security guard! It is a different world.

If you need the job in the months ahead, don’t give notice yet. If you ARE essential to the business, that, to me, means you would need to be honest and give the business owner more time to replace you and have you train that replacement. But since you said it is a low-paying job, I am not advising that.

 

[SeaShoreGirl]

Notice is good. In my world there seems to be a sort of rule. One week for min wage, two weeks for salary and an additonal week for every couple of years you worked there. We had a cashiere leave and she gave one week. The salaried supervisor who worked 10 years gave six weeks notice. Knowing she was hard to replace and likely needed to advise the person taking over.

You are not responsible for the spiritual well being of your boss. I would go to her and honestly say “I cannot cover for you during my honeymoon, however since we know in advance why don’t we work on getting someone in place who can?”

If she puts you off and keeps pushing your buttons quit before your wedding. Document her poor managment as it may make you eligible for unemployment.

 

[Barbkw]

I’d suggest 3 weeks to a month’s notice.

It takes a week to get a notice in the paper.
A week of interviews.
A week of “explain and feedback” training.
A week of “show and tell” training.

 

[Leegal]

How soon before the wedding were to going to give notice? I normally give 3 or 4 weeks, but that may not be possible in all cases.

I would think you could give sufficient notice to train a replacement, but since it’s a low-paying job anyway there may not really be a need to train someone. Only you know that.

Juliane is right. A person who gives notice can be asked to leave immediately, so you have to decide if the risk of losing the job sooner is worth it – and only if it really seems necessary that she have sufficient notice for you to train someone. As someone said, start documenting because, though she cannot legally, she may attempt to give a bad reference.

Her homosexuality and religious beliefs are not your responsibility.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Provide her with a resignation letter 2-3 weeks before you quit. Avoid going into lengthy details about why you’re leaving. A simple, “I’ve decided to pursue other opportunities outside of X” is enough. Make sure that you get paid for any vacation pay you’ve already earned.

I don’t see this as an ethical struggle. How your boss chooses to replace you is her concern

 

[1ke]

I am having an ethical struggle. I am to be married in April and will be leaving my low paying job. I work in an office where it is only the business owner and me (I’ve been there one year). When I became engaged in September, she immediately asked if I’d be quitting. Taken off guard, I said “no”. Due to very recent changes in my fiance’s work, we’ve decided I will be likely be quitting shortly before our marriage. My boss is planning a vacation that will possibly interfere with the time we would be able to take our honeymoon (July). She assumes that even if I am no longer working for her that I’ll fill in when she wants time off. Since we will immediately be TTC, we want to take advantage of the opportunity to go on a honeymoon! Is it wrong of me to keep my boss in the dark until I put in my notice? BTW, my boss knows I am very traditional, but she has extremely different values which make it difficult for her to relate. I worry that not “being there for her” will push her even further from Christianity (she is a practicing homosexual who dabbles in Native American spirituality). I don’t want to anger her but know that I must put my future marriage first. My future husband works very hard, long, grueling hours and my continuing to work would mean we wouldn’t see each other for a week at a time (not good for newlyweds!.) Thank you for any and all advice.

It’s just business.

Business etiquette dictates two weeks of notice for resignation. I would inform her of the honeymoon plans and dates, and that is it. If she makes plans knowing you are unavailable, that is not your problem. When you put in your notice, remind her you will not be available on X dates.

 

[ExGratia]

I so appreciate all the responses…it is nice to be reassured regarding my moral responsiblity (or lack thereof). I was planning on giving between 2 and 4 weeks notice, depending on when our home loan comes through. My fiance has a good paying job but no debt and therefore no credit score. Therefore, we will be using both of our financial profiles for loan. Unfortunately, the job is skilled but low paying (poverty level). I am a licensed agent for an unsuccessful insurance agency. It took me 5 weeks of study to get licensed (but I’m a quick learner). I have a feeling she will have a difficult time finding someone to work for my wage. Most of what I do is clerical, but law dictates that a licensed agent must do most everything. My quitting will mean that she won’t be able to take more than a day off at a time (she didn’t for the year before I was hired).

 

[Luvz2travel]

It’s standard and professional practice to give 2 weeks notice. More notice is at your descretion. One company that treated me poorly got 2 days notice but I had told them I was leaving before and found out they were not giving me a bad reference and breaking our agreement (I would stay till they found someone to replace me and they would give me a good reference in return) so I left early. If you feel that two weeks isn’t enough and you can work their comfortably for longer after giving your notice then give them 3 weeks to a month. If they will make you miserable give the 2 weeks and leave it at that. It’s not your responsibility how they choose to replace you but you should be professional about and agree to train a new person if they find someone within the time frame of notice given.

Good luck.

 

[cargau]

It’s not your responsibility to “save” this person from her non-belief. Even if you were a perfect Christian, it is unlikely that YOU could convert her, it is the Holy Spirit who leads a person to Christ. So do let go of that unnecessary concern. You can pray for her, but it’s not your job to lead her to Christ.

I think this statement misses the point of the Gospel. It is to be shared and showing the Truth is the responsibilty of every Christian. I am not advocating hitting her over the head with a proseltyzing mission, but loving our neighbor is about bringingh Christ to others…

 

[StarFireKK]

I so appreciate all the responses…it is nice to be reassured regarding my moral responsiblity (or lack thereof). I was planning on giving between 2 and 4 weeks notice, depending on when our home loan comes through. My fiance has a good paying job but no debt and therefore no credit score. Therefore, we will be using both of our financial profiles for loan. Unfortunately, the job is skilled but low paying (poverty level). I am a licensed agent for an unsuccessful insurance agency. It took me 5 weeks of study to get licensed (but I’m a quick learner). ** I have a feeling she will have a difficult time finding someone to work for my wage.** Most of what I do is clerical, but law dictates that a licensed agent must do most everything. My quitting will mean that she won’t be able to take more than a day off at a time (she didn’t for the year before I was hired).

That is not your problem. That means she’s not paying enough. Check your employee manual for the time they ask for notice. If there isn’t a manual or it doesn’t say 2 weeks is the norm.

Just make sure your home loan is not including your monthly income if you are planning on quitting.

 

[ExGratia]

I know it’s been a very long time in cyber world, but just wanted to let you all know that within a week of our conversation, I did speak candidly to my boss. The stress of keeping a secret and her hounding me about my future plans was really getting to me. She was grateful and dug out a resume from someone who had applied a few months back. In March I will be training my replacement and things couldn’t have worked out better! I have not written an official resignation letter yet and will do that (getting both of our signatures) 2 weeks before my departure. Thanks again to those who responded!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I know it’s been a very long time in cyber world, but just wanted to let you all know that within a week of our conversation, I did speak candidly to my boss. The stress of keeping a secret and her hounding me about my future plans was really getting to me. She was grateful and dug out a resume from someone who had applied a few months back. In March I will be training my replacement and things couldn’t have worked out better! I have not written an official resignation letter yet and will do that (getting both of our signatures) 2 weeks before my departure. Thanks again to those who responded!

Thanks for the update! I would be like you, could not keep secrets. I am glad it has all worked out! Good luck in your upcoming marriage!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

TheRealJuliane;8829792:

It’s not your responsibility to “save” this person from her non-belief. Even if you were a perfect Christian, it is unlikely that YOU could convert her, it is the Holy Spirit who leads a person to Christ. So do let go of that unnecessary concern. You can pray for her, but it’s not your job to lead her to Christ.

I think this statement misses the point of the Gospel. It is to be shared and showing the Truth is the responsibilty of every Christian. I am not advocating hitting her over the head with a proseltyzing mission, but loving our neighbor is about bringingh Christ to others…

Here is what the OP wrote:

I worry that not “being there for her” will push her even further from Christianity (she is a practicing homosexual who dabbles in Native American spirituality)

Of course it is our mission to show Christ to the world! But not alone, always with the help of the Holy Spirit. In this context, the OP was worried that leaving this job would cause her boss to move farther away from Christianity, which is too much responsibility for her to worry about.

 

[puzzleannie]

I My boss is planning a vacation that will possibly interfere with the time we would be able to take our honeymoon (July). She assumes that even if I am no longer working for her that I’ll fill in when she wants time off. Since we will immediately be TTC, we want to take advantage of the opportunity to go on a honeymoon! Is it wrong of me to keep my boss in the dark until I put in my notice? BTW, my boss knows I am very traditional, but she has extremely different values which make it difficult for her to relate. .

This is irrelevant and should not even enter into your discussion with your boss.
If you plan to quit put in your 2 weeks notice at the appropriate time, or you may want to make it a month because of the vacation schedule. Since you already said know, you may even want to give her more notice and time to hire and train someone, but your marriage and honeymoon plans have nothing to do with it and should not even be topics of conversation at work.