Raised Catholic, Husband is not...help?

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AnnieHill

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My husband is an amazing man and father two our beautiful children.

He attends church with us, witnessed their Catholic baptisms, but isn’t Catholic himself. He says he will “go through the classes for me” but I keep holding off because I want him to choose this for himself and God,not me.

I think prayer is my solution but are there any inspiration movies, books, etc. that are out there that may help guide him?

I appreciate any feedback.

Annie
 
Welcome to CAF! I don’t know any materials off hand that may help and I look forward to seeing what others will recommend for you. It seems your husband is very supportive of your faith and also invested in his children’s Catholic faith even to the point of being willing to take RCIA classes. I think if it is meant for him to convert he will based on his experiences with the church with his family and also through his experiences in RCIA. From what you post it seems that your husband is doing what is required of him as a non Catholic spouse and not giving push back which is a blessing; please do not put a lot of pressure on him to convert. Pray for and with him that all will work together for his faith journey in Gods time.
 
AnnieHill said:
My husband is an amazing man and father two our beautiful children.

He attends church with us, witnessed their Catholic baptisms, but isn’t Catholic himself. He says he will “go through the classes for me” but I keep holding off because I want him to choose this for himself and God,not me.

I think prayer is my solution but are there any inspiration movies, books, etc. that are out there that may help guide him?

I appreciate any feedback.

Annie
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Prayer is definitely the primary solution. Entrust him to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and St. Therese of the Child Jesus. Pray that he would be open to goodness, love, truth, and Justice.

Beyond that, try and pray with him often. Pray great prayers about being open to justice and truth.

If he is open to reading books, books such as “Crossing the threshold of Hope” by John Paul II. Things by Scott Hahn such as “Rome Sweet Home.”

A great movie to watch that is very Catholic and top notch is “There be Dragons.” And, of course, “Passion of the Christ.”
 
Can you share more about him? Does he believe in God? Was he raised in another faith? Does he tell you what the issue that is holding him back from wanting to join the Catholic Church? Does he go to Mass with you and the kids? This will help you get more focused advice.

His agreeing to go to RCIA “for you” may be his way of asking you to help him get there… and going to these classes may be the spark that lights his faith.
 
Maybe if you went to RCIA with him he might get something out of it.
 
Miss_Felicity said:
Welcome to CAF! I don’t know any materials off hand that may help and I look forward to seeing what others will recommend for you. It seems your husband is very supportive of your faith and also invested in his children’s Catholic faith even to the point of being willing to take RCIA classes. I think if it is meant for him to convert he will based on his experiences with the church with his family and also through his experiences in RCIA. From what you post it seems that your husband is doing what is required of him as a non Catholic spouse and not giving push back which is a blessing; please do not put a lot of pressure on him to convert. Pray for and with him that all will work together for his faith journey in Gods time.
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Agreed!
 
hydin said:
His agreeing to go to RCIA “for you” may be his way of asking you to help him get there… and going to these classes may be the spark that lights his faith.
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👍 How wonderful that he is open to attending for your sake. May God bless him and you. May he discover the wonder and joy which accompany the sacraments. Amen.
 
Going to RCIA does not commit him to converting, just to learning more about the Catholic faith. As the father of Catholic children, this would be a great thing for him to do “for you.”

It is converting which he should do for God and for himself–iow, to deepen his relationship with God.

He may go through RCIA and decide not to convert. Or he may decide to convert for himself.

I suggest that the two of you attend the classes together, and you leave the conversion decision to him. If nothing else, he will understand how to be even more supportive of your efforts with your children.

And keep praying for him 🙂
 
AnnieHill said:
My husband is an amazing man and father two our beautiful children.

He attends church with us, witnessed their Catholic baptisms, but isn’t Catholic himself. He says he will “go through the classes for me” but I keep holding off because I want him to choose this for himself and God,not me.

I think prayer is my solution but are there any inspiration movies, books, etc. that are out there that may help guide him?

I appreciate any feedback.

Annie
Click to expand...
My husband of 46 years was raised in the First Christian Church–though certainly wasn’t extremely religious. When we married, he converted “for me” and because it pleased my family. The bottom line is that either his catechesis was poor as he was in the Navy back then and apparently only had to do 4 or 5 classes with an on base chaplain, or his heart wasn’t 100% into it–or most likely a little of both. His belief and understanding even today is incomplete to put it mildly, For instance, while he goes willingly to mass–and sometimes even group rosary with me–he just doesn’t see the purpose in “confessing sins to a man because God knows what he’s done” and since he has missed mass a time or two doesn’t take communion. I’ve argued, explained–all I can think of–until I’m blue in the face. I’ve even told him that if he truly doesn’t believe in the catholic church, that maybe he should return to his protestant roots and I’d certainly not be angry. He just doesn’t see it as a big enough deal to do either one–and now he’s in his 60’s, older and set in his ways. He isn’t called to b a strong protestant or catholic and is perfectly content to stay and not receive communion as he doesn’t feel any burning desire to change his church affiliation either. My husband, like yours, is a good man, loyal and true and a fine dad to our 5 grown kids. My advice: many folks on this forum can help you find material to share with him to help him learn about the Catholic faith–if he is actually interested and considering doing so. But whatever you do, don’t try to push him to conversion. If he does so for any reason other than his own heart leading him to the faith, you will end up with far more problems than you have at this moment. Sigh…
 
Going to the RCIA classes doesn’t commit him to converting. But it will give him an organized way to learn more about the faith and to meet others on a spiritual journey of discovery.

I wouldn’t pressure but I wouldn’t discourage either. Maybe him saying he will go through the classes *for you *is his way of putting his toe in the water.
 
Thank you all for your feedback and support.

I hadn’t considered attending RCIA with him because we have a 16 month old and 2 1/2 year old but since it wouldn’t be until next year, perhaps my mom could watch them on those evenings. I would enjoy going. Having been born and raised Catholic, I’ve forgotten a lot and taken my faith for granted through the years.

Hydin…he was not raised religiously at all. He comes from a decent family-- but his parents divorced around seven, dad remarried and started a new family, mom remarried but never had any more children. God was never addressed or discussed in his family. Until me, he really didn’t know who Jesus even was. He had heard the name, knew it had to do with being Christian but didn’t have any concept of Jesus being the son of God.

We were not married in the church, obviously-- but he has agreed to remarry in the church if he becomes Catholic.

Thanks again and I will keep praying

Annie
 
You’ve been given some excellent advice. I would add just a bit more to it:

Definitely go to RCIA with him as has been advised but make sure you let him know that there is no pressure. I know a lady whose husband went through RCIA three times because he was just not ready to convert – she went to the classes with him each time. On the third he was received into the Church this past Easter. The look on his face was priceless. But he had to be ready for it – BTW, this couple was “elderly” – by that I mean, they had grown children and were probably in their late 60s/early 70s. Make sure you watch how you say things so as not to give the impression you’re pushing. If he brings up an issue/question, by all means, discuss!

Definitely pray for him but don’t make it overt – by that I mean, don’t let him see/hear you doing it so that he feels he has to “do this for you.” Again, it has to be his choice.

It sounds like he may, indeed, be open to converting and that’s fabulous!!! Just walk with him and take what he’s willing to give as he’s wiling to give it. If at this time, it’s only attending Mass, take it. If he wants to go to RCIA, take it.

I hope that everything works out for you and him and that this strengthens your family/marriage.
 
If he said he would go to RCIA, let him go. If he wants you to join him in the classes, do that. Once he starts studying in the faith, let God do the rest. You will see the blessings in your life. Pray for him as I will be, too. God bless you all.
 
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