Rant/pet peeve

[paradoxy]

I am learning to be more direct, without feeling like I’m “bossing”. DH says he never feels like I’m bossy/nagging, but if I tell him/directly ask him, I do.

I have the same problem! Somehow I feel that if 'm too direct, I’m being bossy and impolite. (‘Wash the dishes’ instead of ‘The dishes have to be washed before we eat, but I have to feed the baby now’) He doesn’t perceive it that way at all!

He’s the one being too concise, cryptic at times, and expects me to understand what he meant to ask. Then I rephrase his question in three possible different ways to make sure which one I should answer. This irritates him! I can also get too precise for him, making my answers longer than he’d like…

 

[BlestOne]

Malia… if you think it is bad with a husband… wait until Lily is a teen! OMGosh! I usually end up asking, “Did you hear me?” And when they answer all annoyed… I have to remind them to acknowledge when I am speaking to them or I will keep asking until they answer.

 

[MommyZ]

So… I am TRYING to get in the habit of first saying “R, can I ask you something or are you busy?” Then, one of two things happens… he’ll say, “Sure, what’s up?” Or more likely, “Well, I’m terribly busy throwing this napkin in the garbage. Can you hold on until I am finished with this task that requires all of my attention?”

Ok, this was so funny to me, b/c this is so like my husband, too. He’s so bad about giving me a response. Or he’ll even give me a response, but have no idea what I said. That drives me crazy. I’d have to agree with other people on the thread about getting his attention (like get in his line of sight) and making sure that he knows that you’re talking to him. My husband likes direct, to the point questions and answers. He gets lost if I keep rambling.

I’m not sure what show it was but there was a scene in it where the husband tells his wife that if her story gets too many details in it he tunes her out and all he can hear is ocean waves in the background. And they cut to a scene where that happens and ocean waves start drowning out her long story. My husband was right there in agreeing with him.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I was married to someone who would pretend to listen to me while I talked and halfway through the conversation he’d hear a word indicating I was talking about something important. Head up. “What? Say that again?” I’d have to repeat the WHOLE thing because he only tuned in halfway. Now he drives his daughters crazy with that kind of game. And it is. A game.

I know women are verbal. And men don’t know how to respond a lot of times. (I’d suggest men ask the woman listing her complaints a simple question each time: “Am I the Wailing Wall or Dear Abby right now?” As long as he is clear from the outset what role he is playing in that conversation, there should be no problem.)

As for getting someone’s attention… how about saying “Do you copy?” at the end of every important sentence. About a week of that and it will sink in that he’s supposed to acknowledge with a “Roger that. Over.”

You need to retrain him. In court, non-verbal responses are called out by the judge and he tells them “You have to give a yes or no answer. Non-verbal responses cannot show up on the transcript.”
Amazing how quickly the witnesses learn to say an answer rather than nod the head.

I’ve decided if I ever marry again that I’m not going to bother listing the details of my life. A simple memo with bullet points and information items for him to initial. And action items for his attention. On the counter. Same place every day. If he wants details, he can seek me out. I’m used to handling everything myself anyway. His initials will show he knows we are overdrawn, or the cat ate a mouse or the car is leaking oil.

But I’d keep the initialled memos so he could never claim he didn’t know…

And yes, teenagers are experts at ignoring you. Sometimes I find myself talking to myself. And my daughters tell me I’m crazy. I tell them, “No, I just like to talk to someone who actually listens to me.” (God help me if I repeat myself. Well… of course I repeat myself, because no one seems to leap into motion the first 20 times I said it!)

I spend a lot of time sending the girls emails now. That way I know they got the message!

 

[vester444]

I know this is a bit off topic, but not at the same time. You know what I hate - when I say hello to someone in the hallway at work and they dont even respond…what is THAT about? It happens rarely but when it does I’m like…wow, thats insane.

Vester

 

[FormerFetus]

My husband often seems to not hear or ignore me when I ask or tell him something, so I used to repeat it. Of course, then he’d get irritated at my “nagging”. So, now, if I ask him something and I get no response I ask " Are you still thinking about how to respond to me?" Then he’ll either say. “yes, I’m still thinking” or “what? Did you ask me something?” Either way, at least I know I have his attention by then.