RCIA/Advice

[Ryniev]

Last year I joined RCIA at one church and it didn’t focus too much on Catholic teaching but more on breaking up into groups and reading a verse from the Bible and discussing what it meant to us. It was more for non-Christians I think. I ended up leaving and going to a smaller, more traditional parish and joined a different group which I loved. However, I went through a deep clinical depression and dropped out because I didn’t want to make a huge committment when I was in such a horrible frame of mind. So I got professional help and got my life back in order and moved on.

However, I still feel the call. I have felt the call for over 10 years and ignored it for as long as I could but it is still there. I called my old RCIA group and started back up and am very excited about it! The problem is that it’s on Thursday night and my husband isn’t home! The church had advertised in the bulletin for a sitter (someone to do it as a confirmation project) and no one was interested. I guess I’m just used to the Protestant church where they offer nursery and sitter for everything. My usual babysitter lives too far away to just come over for an hour and so I’m searching for a babysitter (I have moved to a new neighborhood so I don’t know too many people yet). I really want to go and just have the attitude that if God wants me there, I’ll find someone to watch my children. My husband is supportive of me going, he’s just not home on Thursday night do to Scouts and another committment.

I’m getting a little nervous though. Saturday night, I was working with a woman at a school function who told me she belongs to the Parish that I’m going to join and told me it’s “snotty, cliquey” and she can’t stand it. I told her that if I was only joining for the friendly people, I would have never left the Protestant church I attended. But it left me feeling a bit unsure. Then it turns out that I know the sponsor they assigned me. Our sons play together and I really like her but she said something that made me uneasy. She said that she had been Catholic all her life but it blew her away that whenever someone willingly wanted to join. The other thing is that I was at my sons soccer practice and another woman looked at me and said “I heard you joined RCIA” Well I haven’t really told anyone but I know alot of people in this parish and I guess I feel like maybe I’m being gossipped about which makes me uncomfortable.

I just wonder if I should take this as a sign that this isn’t the right place or time for me to do this and maybe God isn’t calling me after all? Maybe I’m trying to do my will and not His?

Thoughts?

ps. Why do they make it so dang hard to join. It’s like you need to be a detective to figure out how to join the Church. When I joined the Lutheran church years ago, it basically consisted of meeting for 5 weeks during Sunday School time and eating coffee cake and discussing a little theology. They practically begged you to join!! I can’t even get anyone at the Catholic Church to tell my how my children can join with me. Do they go to PSR classes? Can I bring my 7 and 9 year olds with me to RCIA? No one seems to know! In Protestant Churches the kids just join when the parents do.

Frustrating!

 

[Orionthehunter]

Ryniev:

Last year I joined RCIA at one church and it didn’t focus too much on Catholic teaching but more on breaking up into groups and reading a verse from the Bible and discussing what it meant to us. It was more for non-Christians I think. I ended up leaving and going to a smaller, more traditional parish and joined a different group which I loved. However, I went through a deep clinical depression and dropped out because I didn’t want to make a huge committment when I was in such a horrible frame of mind. So I got professional help and got my life back in order and moved on.

However, I still feel the call. I have felt the call for over 10 years and ignored it for as long as I could but it is still there. I called my old RCIA group and started back up and am very excited about it! The problem is that it’s on Thursday night and my husband isn’t home! The church had advertised in the bulletin for a sitter (someone to do it as a confirmation project) and no one was interested. I guess I’m just used to the Protestant church where they offer nursery and sitter for everything. My usual babysitter lives too far away to just come over for an hour and so I’m searching for a babysitter (I have moved to a new neighborhood so I don’t know too many people yet). I really want to go and just have the attitude that if God wants me there, I’ll find someone to watch my children. My husband is supportive of me going, he’s just not home on Thursday night do to Scouts and another committment.

I’m getting a little nervous though. Saturday night, I was working with a woman at a school function who told me she belongs to the Parish that I’m going to join and told me it’s “snotty, cliquey” and she can’t stand it. I told her that if I was only joining for the friendly people, I would have never left the Protestant church I attended. But it left me feeling a bit unsure. Then it turns out that I know the sponsor they assigned me. Our sons play together and I really like her but she said something that made me uneasy. She said that she had been Catholic all her life but it blew her away that whenever someone willingly wanted to join. The other thing is that I was at my sons soccer practice and another woman looked at me and said “I heard you joined RCIA” Well I haven’t really told anyone but I know alot of people in this parish and I guess I feel like maybe I’m being gossipped about which makes me uncomfortable.

I just wonder if I should take this as a sign that this isn’t the right place or time for me to do this and maybe God isn’t calling me after all? Maybe I’m trying to do my will and not His?

Thoughts?

ps. Why do they make it so dang hard to join. It’s like you need to be a detective to figure out how to join the Church. When I joined the Lutheran church years ago, it basically consisted of meeting for 5 weeks during Sunday School time and eating coffee cake and discussing a little theology. They practically begged you to join!! I can’t even get anyone at the Catholic Church to tell my how my children can join with me. Do they go to PSR classes? Can I bring my 7 and 9 year olds with me to RCIA? No one seems to know! In Protestant Churches the kids just join when the parents do.

Frustrating!

Go talk to the Priest. He will probably answer all of your issues and put your heart to ease. Don’t consider this all a sign from God as it is more likely the results of the efforts of Satan. I too am always blown away when people join RCIA as it is another miracle of the Holy Spirit! She wouldn’t be a sponsor if she wasn’t going to be supportive. I think she probably just did a bad job of expressing her enthusiasm. Catholics know that RCIA is a process and they just want to be circumspect until you get into it. It is hard to express things right in the beginning. Regarding the “gossip”, it is a goofy Catholic way of welcoming Seriously, much about Catholicism is much more quiet and circumspect than our Protestant brethren. You might have gotten on a prayer chain. Finally, we make it so hard because the best things in life are hard! PM Della and talk to her. She is a convert and has a similar story.

 

[johnshelby]

Ryniev:

Last year I joined RCIA at one church and it didn’t focus too much on Catholic teaching but more on breaking up into groups and reading a verse from the Bible and discussing what it meant to us. It was more for non-Christians I think. I ended up leaving and going to a smaller, more traditional parish and joined a different group which I loved. However, I went through a deep clinical depression and dropped out because I didn’t want to make a huge committment when I was in such a horrible frame of mind. So I got professional help and got my life back in order and moved on.

However, I still feel the call. I have felt the call for over 10 years and ignored it for as long as I could but it is still there. I called my old RCIA group and started back up and am very excited about it! The problem is that it’s on Thursday night and my husband isn’t home! The church had advertised in the bulletin for a sitter (someone to do it as a confirmation project) and no one was interested. I guess I’m just used to the Protestant church where they offer nursery and sitter for everything. My usual babysitter lives too far away to just come over for an hour and so I’m searching for a babysitter (I have moved to a new neighborhood so I don’t know too many people yet). I really want to go and just have the attitude that if God wants me there, I’ll find someone to watch my children. My husband is supportive of me going, he’s just not home on Thursday night do to Scouts and another committment.

I’m getting a little nervous though. Saturday night, I was working with a woman at a school function who told me she belongs to the Parish that I’m going to join and told me it’s “snotty, cliquey” and she can’t stand it. I told her that if I was only joining for the friendly people, I would have never left the Protestant church I attended. But it left me feeling a bit unsure. Then it turns out that I know the sponsor they assigned me. Our sons play together and I really like her but she said something that made me uneasy. She said that she had been Catholic all her life but it blew her away that whenever someone willingly wanted to join. The other thing is that I was at my sons soccer practice and another woman looked at me and said “I heard you joined RCIA” Well I haven’t really told anyone but I know alot of people in this parish and I guess I feel like maybe I’m being gossipped about which makes me uncomfortable.

I just wonder if I should take this as a sign that this isn’t the right place or time for me to do this and maybe God isn’t calling me after all? Maybe I’m trying to do my will and not His?

Thoughts?

ps. Why do they make it so dang hard to join. It’s like you need to be a detective to figure out how to join the Church. When I joined the Lutheran church years ago, it basically consisted of meeting for 5 weeks during Sunday School time and eating coffee cake and discussing a little theology. They practically begged you to join!! I can’t even get anyone at the Catholic Church to tell my how my children can join with me. Do they go to PSR classes? Can I bring my 7 and 9 year olds with me to RCIA? No one seems to know! In Protestant Churches the kids just join when the parents do.

Frustrating!

my thought is, that it might be a sign, but not from God…
maybe some other ‘being’ is trying to get you NOT to
finish what you yourself said you were called to do…

and as for why someone might say they don’t understand why
you’d become Catholic… they need to examine why they
are Catholic…

 

[axolotl]

Ryniev:

I can’t even get anyone at the Catholic Church to tell my how my children can join with me. Do they go to PSR classes? Can I bring my 7 and 9 year olds with me to RCIA? No one seems to know!

Since they’re over 7, they are considered to be age-of-reason, so, yes, they would go through RCIA. Some parishes offer a kids’ version of RCIA (RCIC). For younger children, they would just go through PSR and make they’re sacraments as normal, assuming they’ve been baptised. Your priest might also want to give younger children a solemn “baptism”. They don’t get rebaptised, but they’ll get their oils, plus candle, garment etc.

At least, this is what I understand.

 

[dafalax]

I am sorry your journey home is so trying, but think of how gratifying it will be when you succeed! I agree you should make an appointment to talk to the priest. At our parish, the priest is willing to have separate RCIA classes with people who cannot meet at the normal time, so maybe he could work with you on that. You are blessed, also, to have a husband who is supportive. Good luck and congrats on answering this call!

 

[netmilsmom]

Ryniev:

. She said that she had been Catholic all her life but it blew her away that whenever someone willingly wanted to join.

I can answer this one.
When we Catholics look at some of the more liberal Protestant churches we think how easy it all is.
Show up for church when you want, read the Bible and say “Sorry God” and you are forgiven.

We know that there is more to our religion, in fact, compared to some of the Protestant Churches, we have more rules than China has rice.

But the thought is ignorant of many of the Protestants that are either, close to us or very strict. Some of the Baptists I know have it much harder than we do.

Apparently, the people saying this are clueless. I was that way at one time.

(are you in MI? I could watch your kids, PM me.)

 

[BlestOne]

I would recommend that you send the kids to psr instead of RCIA because it is geared toward adults and at times can get on the topics of marriage and sexuality…not appropriate for the kids. At 7 the child would dive right into reconcilliation and communion. I had my 7 and 9 yo do it together. As far as I know, if you talk to your DRE she may be able to convince a confirmation student to babysit for you.

 

[puzzleannie]

RCIA is adapted for children, and various parishes handle the classes and the rites for children in different ways. Sometimes they attend at the same time others in their age level are in PSR or CCD, or they may attend a class at the same time as the adult RCIA classes. But non-Catholics or unbaptized children over age 7 are considered adults for the purposes of RCIA.

In our parish we bend over backwards to accommodate everyone’s schedule, but cannot offer babysitting because of our insurance. However, we have a family program on Sunday morning, intended for families where both adults and children are in need of sacramental preparation and/or RCIA. There is an adult RCIA and confirmation class, a class for youth, and a class for children. Several people have babies and toddlers with them, and we usually have some older kids who help watch them, but we are all in one large hall, with meeting spaces separated by portable dividers.

We also have classes for adults on Saturday morning while kids are in CCD, and make room for adults on Tuesday and Wednesday during the youth programs. It is just a matter of being creative.

 

[djrakowski]

Ryniev:

ps. Why do they make it so dang hard to join. It’s like you need to be a detective to figure out how to join the Church. When I joined the Lutheran church years ago, it basically consisted of meeting for 5 weeks during Sunday School time and eating coffee cake and discussing a little theology. They practically begged you to join!! I can’t even get anyone at the Catholic Church to tell my how my children can join with me. Do they go to PSR classes? Can I bring my 7 and 9 year olds with me to RCIA? No one seems to know! In Protestant Churches the kids just join when the parents do.

I couldn’t agree with you more. It blows me away that members of the Catholic Church, who are members of the body that proclaims the fullness of truth, aren’t interested in sharing that truth with those of us on the outside. Folks have been more bemused than excited that I’ve chosen to follow this path. On the other hand, all of the Protestant churches I’ve ever visited immediately gave out information about Bible studies, theological discussions, and fellowship groups. They WANTED me to join them, whereas Catholics are surprised that I’ve chosen to join them!

 

[Ryniev]

djrakowski:

I couldn’t agree with you more. It blows me away that members of the Catholic Church, who are members of the body that proclaims the fullness of truth, aren’t interested in sharing that truth with those of us on the outside. Folks have been more bemused than excited that I’ve chosen to follow this path. On the other hand, all of the Protestant churches I’ve ever visited immediately gave out information about Bible studies, theological discussions, and fellowship groups. They WANTED me to join them, whereas Catholics are surprised that I’ve chosen to join them!

I do wish the Church was a little bit more evangelistic, not hard core like the fundamentalists but if they were a tad more enthusiastic and welcoming, I don’t think people would find Catholicism so big, bad and scary. I was literally terrified of Catholicism when I was younger, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown when I went to my first Catholic wedding.

I did tell the director of Parish Outreach last week that I had called the Church for three years and was told my kids couldn’t play soccer there because they weren’t Parishioners (turns out it was never true) and that when I called and asked about the school the secretary told me that they didn’t allow non-Catholics (also not true). He was suprised and saddened.

I know that these incidents have nothing to do with the rightness/wrongness of a religion but it does tend to scare people off. The thing is, the average person will see that the local non-denom Church has soccer for all and sign up. While they are there, they will be invited to church and are more likely to attend because they feel wanted and welcome. It will most likely have nothing to do with theology because the average person doesn’t know anything about theology. They will just think Non-Denom (or Lutheran, Methodist etc) = nice. Catholic = snob.

I know it sounds silly but generally people don’t want to be somewhere where they don’t feel welcome. The good news is that I found a babysitter. So I guess they will be taking me whether they want me or not. Tenacious little pitbull that I am.

 

[djrakowski]

Ryniev:

I know it sounds silly but generally people don’t want to be somewhere where they don’t feel welcome. The good news is that I found a babysitter. So I guess they will be taking me whether they want me or not. Tenacious little pitbull that I am.

It most certainly does NOT sound silly! Really, it is quite logical that people would form their initial impression of a religious organization by the attitude of its followers. This may sound harsh, but I’m becoming Catholic in spite of most Catholics I know.

 

[Orionthehunter]

djrakowski:

It most certainly does NOT sound silly! Really, it is quite logical that people would form their initial impression of a religious organization by the attitude of its followers. This may sound harsh, but I’m becoming Catholic in spite of most Catholics I know.

This is very hard for me to admit (being a cradle Catholic and all) but the Catholic Church isn’t perfect and one of its greatest failings is how it reaches out to some Protestants.

1. Part of it is that we feel persecuted (I don’t mean that in a woe is me sort of way) by so many different denominations, the media and the culture that we have developed a hunker down mentality (wrong response to an unfortunate situation).
2. Part of it is that Catholicism by nature (Charismatics excepted) is reverential and respectful which sometimes causes our expressoins to be misinterpreted especially if one’s initial expectation is “hugs and music” as so many Protestants do so well. We know that converting is a personal calling by God so we don’t want to appear pushy adn that comes off as aloofness.
3. Culturally, I’ve heard Catholic evangelization described as Franciscan (Always preach the Gospel. Use words if necessary. St. Francis). This is definitely a trait in my genes. My Grandmother was our greatest evangelist in my family. However, she never said a single word about Jesus but instead allowed everyone she met to see a quiet Christian peace about her grounded in her prayer life and her Theresa of Calcutta-like compassoin for everyone.

But on the other hand, do not mistake the poor impression we are leaving with you as evidence that we don’t want you to come home. We cry and pray for our separated brethren nearly every Mass. The division that exists in Christendom is one that we know we had a role to play. We have done our human best to correct the legitimate complaints of Luther and the other “protesters” without betraying our obligation to Jesus with whom He entrusted His Church. Many of our internal problems we suffer today was a well-intentioned but ill-advised effort to make ourselves more attractive to non-Catholics under the guise of ecumenicalism.

Catholics have paid a great price for this division and we are prepared to pay a great price to remove this division. We just haven’t figured out yet how to get good at it but Pope John Paul II taught us a few things and I think that Pope Benedict XVI is teaching us as we speak. Please be patient with us.

 

[ProudArmyWife]

I’m glad you found a sitter. I was going to suggest just taking your kids with you - I would let them bring a book or gameboy and sit out in the hall during the meeting - especially if it is only an hour (reward with a trip to McDonalds for ice cream if they are good ). I used to bring my 1 1/2 year old to RCIA because I didn’t have babysitting when my husband was deployed and I was new to the community. I figured if they really wanted me to attend, and he was too much of a distraction, they would be a little more pro-active in trying to help me find babysitting. Perhaps that was a little over the top but I figured it was God’s child too and to bring my son home to His church, this is what I needed to do.

But, your babysitting is solved - just know if it falls through on occassion, don’t feel bad about bring the kiddos along.

 

[djrakowski]

Orionthehunter:

1. Part of it is that we feel persecuted (I don’t mean that in a woe is me sort of way) by so many different denominations, the media and the culture that we have developed a hunker down mentality (wrong response to an unfortunate situation).

I commend you for admitting that this is the wrong response. Most often, Catholics get offended when I say exactly what you have. Thank you for being honest with us!

Orionthehunter:

1. Part of it is that Catholicism by nature (Charismatics excepted) is reverential and respectful which sometimes causes our expressoins to be misinterpreted especially if one’s initial expectation is “hugs and music” as so many Protestants do so well.

I can’t stand “hugs and music,” but a warm handshake, and an invitation to an informational meeting about the parish would’ve been nice. Instead, we have to beg and plead to find out anything.

Orionthehunter:

1. Culturally, I’ve heard Catholic evangelization described as Franciscan (Always preach the Gospel. Use words if necessary. St. Francis).

I wouldn’t assume someone was Catholic simply because they were living a good life. That type of lifestyle is characteristic of every committed Christian I know, whether Protestant or Catholic. The St. Francis approach may work with folks who aren’t from Christian backgrounds, but it wouldn’t have worked for me and the other Protestants in our RCIA class.

Orionthehunter:

But on the other hand, do not mistake the poor impression we are leaving with you as evidence that we don’t want you to come home. We cry and pray for our separated brethren nearly every Mass.

One of my favorite preachers, Fr. John Riccardo of St. Anastasia parish in Troy, Michigan, has said the following: “You know who I am by what I do.” If you’re crying for us and praying for us, we can’t see that. It isn’t providing a visible witness of your concern for us.

Orionthehunter:

Catholics have paid a great price for this division and we are prepared to pay a great price to remove this division. We just haven’t figured out yet how to get good at it but Pope John Paul II taught us a few things and I think that Pope Benedict XVI is teaching us as we speak. Please be patient with us.

I’m trying. I was just expecting RCIA to be more than a patience-building exercise.

With folks like you involved in the RCIA process, things are bound to change for the better.

Dan

 

[Ryniev]

djrakowski:

I I can’t stand “hugs and music,” but a warm handshake, and an invitation to an informational meeting about the parish would’ve been nice. Instead, we have to beg and plead to find out anything.

Yes! One of the reasons my husband quit going to his Lutheran church is because they started doing powerpoint presentations while having a Christian rock band sing, totally skipping the Sermon and Communion. He told the Pastor that if he wanted to go to a non-denom touch feely church, that is where he’d go.

I don’t care for hugs and cuddles myself because I’m an introspective person and I like to be alone with God and contemplate and find all the hoopla too distracting and emotional!

However, I’ve been telling friends for years that I’ve always been interested in becoming Catholic hoping and praying one of them would take me under the wing. The closest I got was a friend who grudgingly offered to take me to Mass with her once but only once because it was family time for her. Who could refuse an offer like that?

 

[Orionthehunter]

Ryniev:

Yes! One of the reasons my husband quit going to his Lutheran church is because they started doing powerpoint presentations while having a Christian rock band sing, totally skipping the Sermon and Communion. He told the Pastor that if he wanted to go to a non-denom touch feely church, that is where he’d go.

I don’t care for hugs and cuddles myself because I’m an introspective person and I like to be alone with God and contemplate and find all the hoopla too distracting and emotional!

However, I’ve been telling friends for years that I’ve always been interested in becoming Catholic hoping and praying one of them would take me under the wing. The closest I got was a friend who grudgingly offered to take me to Mass with her once but only once because it was family time for her. Who could refuse an offer like that?

Talk to a Priest. he will get you in touch w/ the “welcomers”. ARRGGHHHHH

 

[Orionthehunter]

In addition to my other post regarding this issue, I think part of the problem is also the effects of poor catechesis over the past 30 years. We know we don’t know all we should so we are intimidated to be put on the spot to explain it to others. However, I think this is getting better as my parish has been emphasizing adult education and “missions” wehre we ahve outside experts come in and combine “Amens and Alleluias” with good teaching.

Finally, don’t underestimate the scars caused by years of anti-Catholic bigotry (it is similar to scars I’m sure that blacks feel after years of their experience). I recall growing up in a primarily Lutheran rural community. While my friends could stay over on Friday nights, they never could on Saturday night because they didn’t want their kids going to Mass. But I could stay w/ them on Saturday ngith and they always “insisted” that it was easier for me to go to “service” with them. My mother never then told me what was going on but just got me to Mass on Saturday night and was silent. When I went to their service, about every 4th time, the Preacher would mention papists and the “evil” they do. At the time, I didn’t know they were talking about me but I’m sure the congregation snickered seeing this little Catholic boy there among them. Finally, whenever I ate at my friends during lent (my friend’s dad called me a fish munchkin year round so they knew better. I thought the term was a compliment until I got older), they never made maccaroni and cheese so I’d have to sit there and just eat potatoes or something (My mom always asked if I was sure I wanted to eat over there but I always did so she just reminded me w/ “remember your lenten sacrifice-no meat”). But during the rest of the year Mac and cheeze was the usual fair.

I know this doesn’t go on much anymore (or at least I don’t think it does much) but it does have an effect such that so many of us learned to just lay low and hide our Catholic identity. But watch out, we are coming out with a vengeance!

The new converts ahve been a blessing to us because one their zeal is contagious and they are showing us how to “go out” with more confidence.

P.S. Regarding the harassment still going on, I do have one story. My daughter when she was probably 7 or 8 spent a day at an “evangelical” friends house. During the day, they (including the Mother) tried to tell this little girl all that was wrong w/ the Catholic Church. She came home and said “Dad, did you know that ________ was a Christian? I don’t want to be a Christian. I’m glad I’m Catholic.” The wisdom of a child! If this is what being “Christian” is, she didn’t want any part of it.

Another little known fact is that much of the impetus of American Catholic education was an effort to avoid this discrimination and make sure that Catholic’s could share in the American dream.

 

[Ryniev]

Orionthehunter:

Finally, don’t underestimate the scars caused by years of anti-Catholic bigotry (it is similar to scars I’m sure that blacks feel after years of their experience). I recall growing up in a primarily Lutheran rural community.

Interesting! I grew up in an area that was heavily Catholic and it was just the opposite. About 30% of the school children in my city attend Catholic Schools and the public school and public school kids have always been looked down upon. I’ve had Catholic friends complain that they are treated poorly at their parish because their kids aren’t in the school. When I was a kid, even the public schools had meatless lunches every Friday.