RCIA and a dominating participant

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JoyToTheWhirled

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I am part of RCIA and it is absolutely a highlight of my week. I have made good friends there, learned a lot and am very excited to be coming into the Church at Easter. There is one difficulty, though - sometimes I really feel that I have so many unanswered questions because each session is dominated by one person who has very particular views about things - this person is very Pentecostal in outlook and one week was arguing with the priest for twenty minutes about the Holy Spirit, insisting on a very unorthodox view of the Trinity. It makes me a little sad because it often feels like a useful conversation is derailed into bizarre dead ends, like when a discussion on Purgatory became a long-winded story about an Anglican bishop who saw a spirit of a woman he believed was trapped between this world and the next in a dream (!!!).
Obviously, I can pop along to CAF and ask questions to my heart’s content, but I think there is something really valuable about face to face conversation. Should I perhaps be a bit bolder myself and pipe up when this person is hogging the time? Should I speak to the catechists - though to be fair it isn’t like they are unaware! Is it the done thing, once RCIA is over, to make an appointment to speak with a priest about any lingering questions I have?
 
All you need to say is
“so and so, perhaps you should make an appointment with Fr to discuss this, The rest of us would like to have him move on in the topic, thanks for understanding!”

And smile, Big.
Both of them will get the hint. I’m sure your peers will thank you and back you up.
If this person is derailing the class this far in…they are likely in serious need of personal instruction.

God bless! After Easter come and tell us how your Sacraments went!!!
 
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If the priest is part of the team leading the class, I’d ask to meet with him privately, and bring your concerns as well as your questions. He might have some ideas about how to navigate the class situation, or at least, will be aware you don’t feel you’re getting a chance to raise questions. That might be an avenue for him to shift the conversation. “Thanks for your contribution, Bob. Let’s see if anyone else has any questions. Joy, do you have anything to add to our discussions?” If you’re willing to be put on the spot, that can be a real help to a group facilitator.
 
If I were you, I would talk to this person and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he is dominating the question/answer period and please let others participate. Remind him that you too, have a voice. It is possible this person does not realize/is not fully aware he is close to monopolizing the session time.
 
Dan_Defender said:
If I were you, I would talk to this person and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he is dominating the question/answer period and please let others participate. Remind him that you too, have a voice. It is possible this person does not realize/is not fully aware he is close to monopolizing the session time.
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Sorry, but I disagree. I think that this has the real possibility to just create an uncomfortable environment in the classroom between you and your colleague. Class management is up to the leaders, so bring the issue to them.
 
As someone who loves to talk in class and likes to argue, I’d definitely say don’t be afraid to speak up and say you’ve got a question or something to add. Oftentimes I’d love to hear someone else give their opinion when an instructor wants to have a discussion, and no one else wants to talk, and there’s that weird silence where it seems everyone else is too shy to go first. As a teacher I’ll get the same blank stares when I pose a question.

If you’re not comfortable with being more assertive, speak with the teacher privately after class and let him know you feel that conversation gets dominated and you’d like to participate more but feel kind of railroaded. As an instructor he ought to be able to control classroom discussion to some extent. If he’s made aware he can limit conversion with this individual so he doesn’t monopolize the time.
 
I agree that it is up to the leaders to control the class discussion and allow (require) everyone to participate. On another thread there was a story of a person who joined RCIA just to talk the other participants out of Catholicism. That person was ultimately removed and banned from the class. I think it’s a fair question to ask the argumentative person whether they want to learn the Catholic teaching or they just want to win an argument (ideally the leaders should sort this out). Pray for help. I often ask my guardian angel for help with these difficult situations. There are dominating personalities in almost every bible study. The leaders need to step up and control the meeting.
 
Joy, I have no advice, but just wanted to say it’s nice to see you here again. 🙂
 
Thank you! I have been so very busy with my job for the past six months or so that I have barely had chance to get online!
 
I wish I could give Clare’s comment more than one like.

Managing a dominating member of the group is hard, not just in RCIA but in classes, meetings, groups of various kinds. As a catechist you don’t want to discourage someone who is obviously interested, but at the same time you don’t want to lose other members of the group.
 
Take your concern to the RCIA director(s). This is an issue they should handle as it affects the whole class. There should be discussion time for ALL the elect, not just one of them. Confronting the person directly, regardless of how friendly you do it, is a bad idea.

I would think the RCIA director or priest would be concerned with if this person is actually ready to come into the Church at Easter.
 
It’s the RCIA Director’s job to take care of this problem. You should express your concern to the director and ask that it be addressed with the participant. A good director will also interrupt such dominating commentary and suggest it be addressed outside of class since time is limited. It’s really that easy to resolve as long as the director is not timid about directing. If the dominator has a problem with that, then perhaps he or she is in the wrong class.
 
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All teachers or leaders are trained, or should be, to handle discussion so that no one person dominates or gets the group sidetracked. It sounds like your leader isn’t or can’t manage well. I would definitely speak privately to the leader about your concern. Luckily, RCIA will be just a couple more weeks for you if it continues to happen. I hope afterward you do opt to speak with a priest or deacon about your questions. Even better, consider getting a spiritual advisor who will be a “built in” source for you as you launch your Catholic journey. Ask your priest about this possibility.
Welcome home! The Catholic Church is a big family, and like all big families has people who grate on our nerves. And a whole lot of wonderful people, too.
 
The catechists can be a little bit timid at times. I get the impression, after going through RCIA a couple of times now, that this person is quite different to most of the people who come on the course and they don’t often have to deal with domineering characters. The priests are good at directing things, by and large, but I suspect this is because this person has more respect for their authority as clergy.
 
JoyToTheWhirled said:
I am part of RCIA and it is absolutely a highlight of my week. I have made good friends there, learned a lot and am very excited to be coming into the Church at Easter. There is one difficulty, though - sometimes I really feel that I have so many unanswered questions because each session is dominated by one person who has very particular views about things - this person is very Pentecostal in outlook and one week was arguing with the priest for twenty minutes about the Holy Spirit, insisting on a very unorthodox view of the Trinity. It makes me a little sad because it often feels like a useful conversation is derailed into bizarre dead ends, like when a discussion on Purgatory became a long-winded story about an Anglican bishop who saw a spirit of a woman he believed was trapped between this world and the next in a dream (!!!).
Obviously, I can pop along to CAF and ask questions to my heart’s content, but I think there is something really valuable about face to face conversation. Should I perhaps be a bit bolder myself and pipe up when this person is hogging the time? Should I speak to the catechists - though to be fair it isn’t like they are unaware! Is it the done thing, once RCIA is over, to make an appointment to speak with a priest about any lingering questions I have?
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I’ve been in small group discussions, both Catholic and Protestant, for nearly fourty years. It seems like there’s always one person who hogs the show, while the majority politely listen. I’ll admit, when I was younger, I was sometimes the one. 😊 Most people are quiet not out of fear or ignorance of what’s happening, but out of consideration and patience for the individual who is using this group to vent their personal problems.

I agree with the previous suggestions. ie. either politely ask for your own chance to speak, or mention the problem with the group leader, out of session.
 
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pianistclare2d1
All you need to say is
“so and so, perhaps you should make an appointment with Fr to discuss this, The rest of us would like to have him move on in the topic, thanks for understanding!”

And smile, Big.
Both of them will get the hint. I’m sure your peers will thank you and back you up.
If this person is derailing the class this far in…they are likely in serious need of personal instruction.

God bless! After Easter come and tell us how your Sacraments went!!!"

THIS!!! Your RCIA leader is being way to accomodating if this one person is “hogging” the discussion. Lots of material to get through in a limited amount of time and the leader needs to keep things on track. If the leader can’t do that, then I’d have no problem interjecting such as Pianistclare suggested.
 
?? If they were respectful they wouldn’t be derailing the class though, right?
 
Well, yes, that’s true, but the priests differ in personality, and we don’t always have them in the class - sometimes we have Deacons, sometimes teachers from the local Catholic schools.
This person mostly seems to tone it down for one priest in particular, though it was the other priest that faced the twenty minute argument about the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, it was a decent time this evening, much reduced numbers and the session was well fielded by the parish priest, who is softly spoken and very pastoral in approach - leaving little room for flights of fancy into odd interpretations of canon law and the latest tweet this person had read!
 
It is two weeks before Easter, if these occurrences are recent they ain’t joining.

I mean if someone was a little hung up on petitioning saints for prayers; that might be something someone is still struggling with, but the Trinity?
 
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