RCIA and annulment

[therese_lisieux_1]

I joined the RCIA class last fall and was dating a Catholic. I had considered joining the Catholic church before, even before I met him. I knew at the time that if I ever married him or another Catholic that I would have to get an annulment. I was married 12 years ago and have been divorced for 10. Neither of us were Catholic. I got engaged to the Catholic guy in December and the RCIA director advised me on the annulment process, which we started and am in the middle of now. I missed the Easter Vigil because my best friend from another state got married that weekend, so the director and I were in talks with my getting confirmed on Pentecost Sunday. Everything was set, then last week, she calls me back to say that I cannot be confirmed until the annulment is complete. I was never told this, and the church was aware of my situation for months and said nothing. I was really looking forward to getting confirmed on Pentecost, and now it seems like a door is slammed in my face. I would like to know in writing where this rule is that I can’t be confirmed because of my annulment. I don’t see how my being confirmed and getting an annulment could be related, especially when I started the RCIA BEFORE I got engaged. She even told me if we broke up that I could be confirmed immediately. This sounds so horrible to me that I am saddened and feel let down by this church and this process. Could someone please show me in writing where this rule is? Obviously, if there is a rule in writing, this church failed to advise me of it in an appropriate time.

Thanks in advance.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’m sorry that someone dropped the ball in getting you the information you need. I can only imagine the frustration.

Is it absolutely required that you receive a declaration of nullity before you enter the Church? No. But you need to understand that you can’t get married, nor can you get engaged, while the Church considers you married to someone else. The only way you could enter the church without the declaration of nullity would be if you have no plans to get remarried…not now and not ever. (And even then most people would probably advise you to apply for the annulment anyway so you know exactly what your status is.)

Yet you say that you are engaged to be married. That doesn’t work.

What happens if the tribunal rules that your first marriage was valid. In that case you would not be able to marry in the Church. Would you choose to remain Catholic or would you choose to get married?

Your RCIA director is hoping to save you from having to make that decision.

Everything happens in God’s time. If you’re not confirmed on Pentecost then you’ll be confirmed at another time…God’s time. Pray for patience.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I joined the RCIA class last fall and was dating a Catholic. I had considered joining the Catholic church before, even before I met him. I knew at the time that if I ever married him or another Catholic that I would have to get an annulment. I was married 12 years ago and have been divorced for 10. Neither of us were Catholic. I got engaged to the Catholic guy in December and the RCIA director advised me on the annulment process, which we started and am in the middle of now. I missed the Easter Vigil because my best friend from another state got married that weekend, so the director and I were in talks with my getting confirmed on Pentecost Sunday. Everything was set, then last week, she calls me back to say that I cannot be confirmed until the annulment is complete. I was never told this, and the church was aware of my situation for months and said nothing. I was really looking forward to getting confirmed on Pentecost, and now it seems like a door is slammed in my face. I would like to know in writing where this rule is that I can’t be confirmed because of my annulment. I don’t see how my being confirmed and getting an annulment could be related, especially when I started the RCIA BEFORE I got engaged. She even told me if we broke up that I could be confirmed immediately. This sounds so horrible to me that I am saddened and feel let down by this church and this process. Could someone please show me in writing where this rule is? Obviously, if there is a rule in writing, this church failed to advise me of it in an appropriate time.

Thanks in advance.

Well It involves a lot of detail that is not posted here. First nothing prevents a person who is divorced without an Annulment from becoming Catholic and receiving the Sacraments (Reconciliation, Confirmation, and Holy Communion). However as a person in RCIA you are expected to live your life like a Catholic. Being Divorced and having no Declaration of Nullity for the Marriage, you cannot date, let alone become engaged!

Second we do not know if you are living single, or living together. Nor do you need to tell us. That is just an example of details that need to be known about the situation.

 

[puzzleannie]

I don’t know enough about your situation, and it is not possible for you to give all those details on this forum, to give a good answer ,but you should have been directed to the pastor, not the RCIA director, catechist or anyone else, before you even began the process to prepare for the sacraments, for an interview so you would have a clear understanding of what is required in your case. It does appear you were properly advised you need an annulment from your first marriage so that your current marriage can be convalidated, but that you were not told why this is necessary. That is a shame and I sincerely apologize on the part of all those involved in RCIA ministry that you were not properly advised. Please visit your pastor and pose this question, and ask why on earth the entire teaching on marriage, and the reasons for laws which apply to you, was not properly explained. You deserve this explanation, and it is his duty to give you this counsel.

Also rest assured that all will iron itself out in good time, God’s time, which is never our time. There are no guarantees, because He is not in that business, except the guarantee that what ultimately happens will be for our benefit & spiritual growth, and He will bring us gently where we need to be if we cooperate with Him.

short answer, if you never remarried you do not need an annulment. If you have since remarred you need that before the current marriage can be convalidated. If you are planning marriage, you need the annulment before you can even become engaged, let alone marry in the Church.

If you have not remarried, there is nothing to prevent you from receiving the sacraments (assuming you are properly disposed and in a state of sanctifying grace). Please see the pastor NOW. I can assure you, having been an RCIA director for several years, that we are frequently wrong, make mistakes, even when we are sincere and otherwise knowledgeable.

again, more info than we need here, but if you are cohabiting, you both need pastoral counseling with the priest immediately, and to end that situation, so that, after sacramental confession, you are in the state of grace required for the other sacraments, including confirmation, first communion and marriage. Please take this to the pastor asap. We will handle the praying

and, welcome home, however winding the road may be.

 

[morelia92]

I joined the RCIA class last fall and was dating a Catholic. I had considered joining the Catholic church before, even before I met him. I knew at the time that if I ever married him or another Catholic that I would have to get an annulment. I was married 12 years ago and have been divorced for 10. Neither of us were Catholic. I got engaged to the Catholic guy in December and the RCIA director advised me on the annulment process, which we started and am in the middle of now. I missed the Easter Vigil because my best friend from another state got married that weekend, so the director and I were in talks with my getting confirmed on Pentecost Sunday. Everything was set, then last week, she calls me back to say that I cannot be confirmed until the annulment is complete. I was never told this, and the church was aware of my situation for months and said nothing. I was really looking forward to getting confirmed on Pentecost, and now it seems like a door is slammed in my face. I would like to know in writing where this rule is that I can’t be confirmed because of my annulment. I don’t see how my being confirmed and getting an annulment could be related, especially when I started the RCIA BEFORE I got engaged. She even told me if we broke up that I could be confirmed immediately. This sounds so horrible to me that I am saddened and feel let down by this church and this process. Could someone please show me in writing where this rule is? Obviously, if there is a rule in writing, this church failed to advise me of it in an appropriate time.

Thanks in advance.

I understand your frustration because I am there, but I tell myself that anything worth having is worth waiting for. My frustration lies in knowing that the Lord is in the Real Presence, but not being able to receive Him until my anulment is complete. ( I have been married 16 years and we our anxious to have our marriage blessed. My anulment is in the apelate stage. Its been approved but I have to continue to be patient through the formalities) Hang in there. I look at my situation as my pentiance for my disobedience!
I will be praying for you!