RCIA concerns - should I say anything?

[DarkLight]

I went through RCIA last year. The teaching itself was fairly good. But the organization was absolutely horrible. It was very hard to get information on events or how to do things.

• By agreement, I didn’t attend the first half of RCIA classes, as I had a schedule conflict. I had studied on my own enough to feel comfortable with the basic doctrine… This resulted in me missing all the dismissals for this period as well, along with the Rite of Welcoming. Not because I was unable to attend these, but because despite my inquiries as to whether there was anything else going on I was not informed of these.
• When winter came I stopped being able to get to the Mass at which the dismissals were held at, because I had no car. I was told repeatedly someone would find something, but nothing was ever done.
• We were instructed to write a letter to the bishop. I had trouble at first understanding the directions, especially as I did not want to write about my (extremely messy) past. It was very difficult and I ended up going through multiple all-out breakdowns just trying to get it done. But the only thing I could ever get was “you have to do it, stop being difficult.”
• I had selected a non-local sponsor. I inquired at the beginning what would be needed. I was told that they’d need some records, like giving records, of attendance. I said I wasn’t sure how to get those and was told “just get his confirmation records.” I asked repeatedly what I needed to do. The week before easter I was told that we needed more paperwork and he wouldn’t be able to be my sponsor. She told me a complete stranger was going to be put in that place. When I tried to communicate that I didn’t think this was acceptable (or particularly respectful of the role), I was accused by the person in charge of the program of “not caring what the church requires” and “just being selfish”, as well as heavily implying that the person I’d chosen probably wasn’t a faithful Catholic. I was unable to speak a full sentence to her until I resorted to yelling.

I don’t want to start a fuss, as I know the pastor thinks extremely highly of the woman in charge of the program. But honestly I am still angry over this. I feel like I was denied the training I actually needed, and both I and a dear faithful friend were deeply insulted by someone who was supposed to be helping. No one should take a lack of paperwork as a reflection on someone else’s standing! The whole thing just seemed like a process where no one knew how to deal with anything they hadn’t planned for.

 

[StudentMI]

I’d let it go.

 

[Neofight]

Volunteer and make it better!

 

[Monkey1976]

I’d let it go.

Seconded. When I went through RCIA - as a revert - I had run into a particular question: Why do we call Mary “Morning Star” in the Litany of Loretto, when that same title is applied to Satan in Scripture? A reasonable question, I thought. The catechist running the program - a permanent Deacon who is a high school theology teacher - began his answer with, “Well, stars reflect the light of the Sun, so…”

I rapidly tuned him out, made sure that I was getting what catechesis I could through good, orthodox Catholic sources (Thank you, Catholic Answers! ), and I thank God that I received the Sacrament of Confirmation and was able to reenter full communion with the Church.

Pray for your catechists, and remember that it is God acting through His Church bringing you home. Whatever bumps exist in that road matter nothing when compared to the destination.

 

[CalCatholic]

I’d let it go.

This!

 

[White_Orchid]

Being in a state of anger is understandable - you were hurt.

We are called to be forgiving towards those who hurt us. If it were me and I could not get past my hurt feelings, I would go to Reconciliation. Maybe, even at another parish. Tell the priest how it makes you feel. The priest will be very comforting and encouraging and should be able to give you a way to find closure for this painful time. After all, the joining or rejoining the church is suppose to be a joyous time. It’s about coming Home. It’s about getting closer to Jesus.

I’ll be praying for you that you’ll find Peace soon and that you can look forward to making some happy memories with your new family soon!

 

[DarkLight]

I guess…it’s the last one that bothers me. I’m concerned that the woman in charge is setting herself up as judge and jury over people’s souls, merely because of a few forms. She asked me to do something that I would regard as almost sacreligious and then blasted me for “not caring about the church” and “being selfish” when I refused.

 

[DarkLight]

I guess…it’s the last one that bothers me. I’m concerned that the woman in charge is setting herself up as judge and jury over people’s souls, merely because of a few forms. She asked me to do something that I would regard as almost sacreligious and then blasted me for “not caring about the church” and “being selfish” when I refused.

This and the fact that, as a person with mental illness to the point of being disabling, I was given no opportunity to receive any sort of useful support or understanding. I was merely labelled “difficult” with no opportunity to speak in my own defense. If I had not had an extremely strong support in my own home I would have turned back unable to complete the process merely because of this individual. I don’t want that to happen anywhere else.

 

[LSK]

I guess…it’s the last one that bothers me. I’m concerned that the woman in charge is setting herself up as judge and jury over people’s souls, merely because of a few forms. She asked me to do something that I would regard as almost sacreligious and then blasted me for “not caring about the church” and “being selfish” when I refused.

I am a Catechist for the RCIA program in my parish. We would want to know if we had let people down. We would WANT to know if we had somehow let someone slip through the cracks.

That being said, we are an excellent program. We use materials developed by Barbara Morgan and Scott Hahn. All the Catechists have been trained at Franciscan University’s Bosco Program. We have active prayer lives and absolutely LOVE TEACHING and are always looking for ways to improve both our own knowledge, our methods and the presentation of the Rites. Sometimes we fall down and go BOOM but most of the time we are on track and doing a good job.

I share this because many of the things you shared with us just shoots a red flag up in the air for me. What I see is someone trying to run the RCIA program who may just be overwhelmed and need some help. One of the jokes we make is that trying to keep track of all the needs and wants of our candidates and catechumenates is a lot like herding cats.

Maybe, after some prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, you might want to volunteer to participate in the program as a sponsor. As you become more active, you might be able to find other ways to help the person running the program.

I do not understand the ‘write a letter to the Bishop’ thing - what is that about?

 

[DarkLight]

I am a Catechist for the RCIA program in my parish. We would want to know if we had let people down. We would WANT to know if we had somehow let someone slip through the cracks.

That being said, we are an excellent program. We use materials developed by Barbara Morgan and Scott Hahn. All the Catechists have been trained at Franciscan University’s Bosco Program. We have active prayer lives and absolutely LOVE TEACHING and are always looking for ways to improve both our own knowledge, our methods and the presentation of the Rites. Sometimes we fall down and go BOOM but most of the time we are on track and doing a good job.

I share this because many of the things you shared with us just shoots a red flag up in the air for me. What I see is someone trying to run the RCIA program who may just be overwhelmed and need some help. One of the jokes we make is that trying to keep track of all the needs and wants of our candidates and catechumenates is a lot like herding cats.

Maybe, after some prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, you might want to volunteer to participate in the program as a sponsor. As you become more active, you might be able to find other ways to help the person running the program.

I do not understand the ‘write a letter to the Bishop’ thing - what is that about?

We were told we had to write a letter to the bishop expaining our faith history. I have a background of religious abuse, so this was very difficult to the point of inducing multiple flashbacks. The woman refused to believe there could be any difficulty with such a simple assignment. I’m concerned because she never asked or offered a chance for me to explain and work something out, just said I had to do it or not be confirmed.

I’d love to help out but with my current situation I can’t offer a lot. I’m likely to be moving after the end of either fall or spring semester, depending on work availability. I can’t guarantee being here once I finish classes, especially with so few jobs in this town.

 

[StudentMI]

I really think the best thing to do is just let it go. You mentioned yelling at the RCIA director. Her requirement that the sponsor be a faithful Catholic was reasonable. Perhaps asking for Confirmation records was more than some would require, but that’s how it goes. The other things are unfortunate but it happens.

 

[DarkLight]

I really think the best thing to do is just let it go. You mentioned yelling at the RCIA director. Her requirement that the sponsor be a faithful Catholic was reasonable. Perhaps asking for Confirmation records was more than some would require, but that’s how it goes. The other things are unfortunate but it happens.

It’s not that it was required. It’s that she didn’t tell me what paperwork I needed until the week of and then chewed me out - without giving me any chance to speak - for choosing an unfaithful Catholic. The fault was hers, but she told me I was disrespectful and my sponsor had abandoned his faith merely because we couldn’t produce papers we hadn’t known about. She had told me ONLY that confirmation records were required up until wednesday before Easter, then got upset at me and accused me of lying for not having a heretofor unasked for proof of parish affiliation.

 

[CradleJourney]

I know it’s very difficult - but think how far you’ve come and how strong you are now (having made it through this) - and think how much joy and happiness she’s missing out on with the self-centered attitude you’re describing. I have trouble understanding how someone in her position could not be communicative, understanding, and accepting of those who come to the program - unless she’s really stressed or has been hurt in some area(s) of her life.

You’ve been hurt too - but are willing to open up and discuss those feelings - and have a strong desire to keep hurt from happening to others. You may not be able to offer to help a lot, but I think praying for her and asking God to bless her in whatever way He knows she needs might help more than you may imagine.

 

[DarkLight]

Basically, my concern isn’t that she was trying to make sure he was a faithful Catholic. My concern was that this was undertaken in a manner that seemed more concerned with her own time and convenience than anything else. She spent 10min on the phone chewing me out and talking over me before I finally yelled loudly enough for her to stop talking and put me through to someone else. All because I objected to being given a strange sponsor over a piece of paperwork she hadn’t communicated that I needed until 3 days before the deadline (and accused me of lying when I said I didn’t know).

The whole thing just felt to me like she was too busy to be doing the job she was doing, and I was in the way for not following the “normal” program, even in ways approved by the pastor (basically - not attending the first portion of classes, and choosing an out of town sponsor).

 

[White_Orchid]

I’m am truly sorry you have been treated the way you have DarkLight. The sad part is, you or any of us, can not change the past.

You feel the need to do something about it and rightly so. But don’t let your desire to settle things correctly turn bitter and form into vengeance. That will get you nothing but more hurt.

The Best place to take this is to the Priest in Reconciliation. You are hurt and angry, You need to let the Priest deal with the people who did this and help you release those feelings. Reconciliation is not just about saying “I sinned- forgive me”- its more a place to get one on one help from the one person who is devoted to your spiritual well being.

I urge you to consider what I’m suggesting because, hurt that is not dealt with will turn into bitterness and can harm you more then you realize. Please, know I offer this in Christ’s love.
I’m praying that you will be finding some peace from the Lord soon.

 

[DarkLight]

I’m am truly sorry you have been treated the way you have DarkLight. The sad part is, you or any of us, can not change the past.

You feel the need to do something about it and rightly so. But don’t let your desire to settle things correctly turn bitter and form into vengeance. That will get you nothing but more hurt.

The Best place to take this is to the Priest in Reconciliation. You are hurt and angry, You need to let the Priest deal with the people who did this and help you release those feelings. Reconciliation is not just about saying “I sinned- forgive me”- its more a place to get one on one help from the one person who is devoted to your spiritual well being.

I urge you to consider what I’m suggesting because, hurt that is not dealt with will turn into bitterness and can harm you more then you realize. Please, know I offer this in Christ’s love.
I’m praying that you will be finding some peace from the Lord soon.

I am torn. On one hand, I am angry - probably more than I should be. I have always found that being judged unfairly was a particular struggle for me, especially if I felt someone was hasty in their judgement. I would like to approach the person responsible, but I am afraid that will only lead to more judgement and being brushed off again. And I do not know how to approach without sounding too accusatory.

On the other hand, I am genuinely concerned about the effects of this on the program. I am concerned if they have another person dealing with poverty, or with mental illness, that the understanding and support will not be there. I truly do worry that this behavior could turn a vulnerable person away from the church - had I not had the external support I did, I could very easily seem myself having gone that way. Or that it would result in someone being deemed unready for extraneous external reasons, rather than a true impediment or unreadiness.

 

[White_Orchid]

I understand what you are saying. But talking to the person will not get you anywhere. They are doing what they think they are supposed to do therefore, you need to talk to the Priest. The best place to do that is in Reconciliation or in the confessional. You will have his uninterrupted and totally focused attention to help you out. That is his job. That is what he does.

And you do not have to be afraid of going to the Priest anymore then you would going to your Loving Jesus Christ!

 

[DarkLight]

I understand what you are saying. But talking to the person will not get you anywhere. They are doing what they think they are supposed to do therefore, you need to talk to the Priest. The best place to do that is in Reconciliation or in the confessional. You will have his uninterrupted and totally focused attention to help you out. That is his job. That is what he does.

And you do not have to be afraid of going to the Priest anymore then you would going to your Loving Jesus Christ!

Two things, I guess:

(1) This doesn’t really seem like a confessional issue to me. I was taught that the confessional was specifically for confession, not anything else. I’m not opposed to bringing the issue up to our pastor but I’d want to bring it up as a private administrative matter or even a matter for advice, rather than a matter for confession. I know Msr. would be happy to just schedule an appointment, if I can figure out how to bring it up properly so I doesn’t look like I’m just attacking someone he likes.

(2) I was kind of hoping that bringing it up to the person at a time when there was less going on and attention could be devoted to the topic at hand might bring better results. Especially as I think my own continued participation, not only in sunday Mass but in daily Mass and in adoration, speaks for itself as to my readiness that was questioned.

 

[White_Orchid]

Confession is not just for sins it is to seek spiritual advice on personal matters as well. In your case, you bear anger and hurt feelings towards another and that alone is a matter for confession.

I hope you are able to seek out help not matter how you choose to do so.